My Mom has been taking care of my Dad. He has many health challenges, but won't go seek medical attention. He is paranoid of anyone that comes into the house. He has a hernia, can't walk on his own without help, can't straighten out his hands so a wheel chair doesn't work. He also can't eat without my Mom's assistance. We think he's had a mild stroke as well.
My Mom is on burnout and I don't know how to help her. She wants to travel and still enjoy life. But feels she can't and is bound to the house and my Dad.
She wants him to go to the doctor so she can get a handicap tag and a urinal bag for him. She is up every 2 hours taking him to the bathroom.
She told me they recently fell together in the kitchen.
Can someone give me some guidance or someone that can help? I don't know what to do.

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Is there any way you can get him to take your MOM to the doctor, and then have the doctor focus on him? That would have to be set up in advance, so the doc is on the same page, But that might, at least, get him in the door. Would your Mom be willing to say, "Honey, I don't feel well. Will you come with me to my doctor's appointment?" THEN Doc can diagnose that she is run down, and prescribe hemp for Dad as the solution. Fingers crossed for you that this or something else works. Otherwise, it's Plan B: something WILL happen to one of them that will take the decision out of their hands. You can only push so far, and it sounds like you have already exhausted being able to use reason as the lever.
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I'm sorry to hear about the challenges with your Dad. Working with resistant parents is a difficult situation to face. For both your Father and Mother's best interest however your Dad should go to see his doctor. The doctor can complete a medical evaluation to determine what additional care assistance he needs. They can also conduct a dementia evaluation to look into any possible cognitive impairments so that your family can have a full understanding of your Dad's functioning.

Actually getting your Father to the doctor is the next step. It's important to be sensitive to the fact that he doesn't want to go. Try to understand where his resistance is coming from if possible- is he afraid he will no longer be able to live at home if a doctor sees the extent of his current health? Most people want to age in place and homecare is an option even for people who may need 24/7 care. You can identify one person in the family whom your Father will be most open to listen to. Have that person talk to you Father about going to the doctor, that it is not only for his health but for your Mother's as well. Your Mother needs to look out for her own health and well being too. Becoming burnt out and falling with your Father is concerning and it sounds like you Mom needs additional supports in order to continue to help care for your Father.

In extreme situations you may need to contact emergency services for assistance in getting your Father to see a doctor but only use this as a last resort. Try to work with him and your family to express you care an concern for him. Once you understand everything he needs you can look into what options you have for care. Your local Area Agency on Aging is a great place to find out what resources are available in your community and you can locate them by call 800-677-1116.

I understand that this is not an easy situation and I hope these responses can provide some support and assistance to you and your family.

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He definitely has to go to a doctor. She has to have some respite. Something has to change. I agree with 3pinkroses, getting input and suggestions from trained professionals knowledgeable about issues of aging is your best best for a starting point.
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This certainly is a troublesome situation. Do you think your Dad has dementia? Becoming paranoid is a symptom. Since both of them fell together it seems like they are on the road to something more serious. One or both of them is going to break a hip, etc. if they continue to fall. Your Mom definitely needs a break and on a regular basis.

One place to start would be Elder Services in the town they live in. The people from this agency helped me tremendously when I was having trouble with my parents living situation. Hopefully, they could at least give you some direction.

They have experience in all kinds of situations and are very empathetic. My mother use to fall and my Dad said she would almost take him down with her. She was stubborn as well and difficult to deal with. Somethings got to give; so think professionals who specialize in elderly care can probably help you.

I'm sorry you are going through this; I truly understand the frustration and worry.
Blessings to you and take care.
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