My mom is 73. She is retired, although she works a part-time job, for some entertainment and to keep busy. She is showing some worrisome signs and making some decisions that seem to show a denial of age, and I guess I don't know if I should do something or if pushing her on this issue is controlling and disrespectful of her autonomy.
She owns 3 homes, and all are in need of serious work. Her late parents' home was left to her, and she refuses to sell it, despite the fact that she isn't likely ever to move into it. It's huge and beautiful, and my grandfather built it...but it's in a tiny little town and selling it will be difficult. It also needs some significant work and is full of stuff.
Her own home, where my parents lived together, was damaged by negligent workers trying to correct a leaning chimney. She was given money in a settlement, but has yet to hire the various people required for repairs: plumber, electrician, mason, etc. It will be a job. At this point, the outlets in various spots don't work, and my sister has informed me there is a strong sewer smell in a bathroom... basically, the workers trying to lift the chimney cracked the foundation, the firebox, etc. It's been very upsetting. My brother lives with her there and has for some years now. He doesn't have a job, and often stays out late at night, drinking, and uses her car without her knowledge because his own is broken down. My sister believes he is selling drugs too...but he is my mom's favorite child by a mile. I doubt she will ever accept or believe these things about him. He is an awesome guy when he is working, but is wildly picky about jobs. So, showing him a vacancy is kind of pointless. Sad as it sounds, I've basically given up on his vacating her house and growing up.
Anyhow, she also has a third house, which my sister lives in rent-free. I don't necessarily have an issue with that. My sis is a single working mom and she pays for things as she can.
I guess what bothers me is that I feel confident that my mom is suffering from depression, and I think at least part of it is the physical and emotional clutter in her life... a son who doesn't live as an adult, two houses FULL of stuff (We're talking Hoarders situations in the making, here), and so on.
I've tried to talk to my mom about clutter, about the situation, etc... If I had it my way, my brother would be removed to a small apartment and given the financial resources to live for one month, to cover time before finding a job and a first paycheck. But, I don't want to tell my mom what to do, either... and she is famously stubborn, so it's not a helpful to tell her what to do, anyhow.
I'm conflicted between jumping in, to hire people to fix her house, selling her parents' house, kicking my brother out, etc... and feeling like I don't have the right to do any of this.