How can I help mom in an assisted living facility 6 hours away?

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My mother (92) lives alone in an apartment in an assisted living facility. I live 6 hours away, but I try to visit every 6 weeks. I have a sister that resides in the same town as Mom. She and her second husband have taken over Mom's financial accounts. Mother is showing increased mental confusion. I visited her last week with another sister who lives out of town. Her apartment was filthy, and her refrigerator and pantry was full of moldy and old food. I had to stop her from eating old fudge with bugs on it. Mother is very proud and resistant to help. The sister in town is not dealing with Mom's physical needs. How do I deal with this situation without hurting my Mom?

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Has anyone taken your mother to a physician since her husband died? Or talked to her about how his death has left her feeling?

I agree with everyone that approaching the facility's director and asking him/her to propose additional services could be productive. The director could pop in for a "review" - "all part of the service, Mrs Swpbat! :)" - and suggest appropriate add-ons.

I wouldn't worry too much about the old fudge with added protein. It is amazing what people of earlier generations considered not merely edible but palatable. Would it be possible to organise a routine clear-out of the fridge for riskier perishables, say weekly?
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Swpbat, wills don't come into play until the person dies, so they cannot be used to assign POA. Is there a document stating that both you and your sister have power of attorney? If you haven't received a notification removing you, I'd assume you both still have that designation. Does anyone have medical POA (healthcare proxy)?

But who has authority to do what may not be the most important factor here.

It sounds to me that your mother now needs a higher level of care. She needs a traditional Assisted Living Facility, where she gets 3 meals and snacks and housekeeping/laundry services. Can the place she is at provide that level of service, for additional cost? If not, somebody ought to start researching other facilities in the area (or in your area, if that would work out better).

It is very hard for any of us to give up our independence. I kept reminding my husband that he was retired and it was appropriate to hire house maintenance done. "You are retired now" seems to go over better than "you aren't capable any more." I swear that if someone came in and said, "It is time you had someone come in and provide your meals and do your laundry and housekeeping" I wouldn't resist. But we'll see how I'll feel about that in twenty years!

It would best, of course, if you and your sisters could work together on making decisions for your mother.
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Mother has her own apartment and she is provided with one meal a day. The will was updated in September 2016 giving both myself and my sister POA. It only goes in to effect when mother is deemed incompetent by her physician. My step dad recently passed in December. My sister is claiming that she is a POA and is making financial decisions. Mother is in good physical health, but has been demonstrating a decline in mental ability the past two years. I took her to her physician less than six months ago and she attributed it to normal aging. I was finally able to stop her from driving. My mother is very proud and is resisting any assistance. I just want someone to check on her, do her laundry, and run any necessary errands. There is someone that cleans the apartment once a week for an hour, but it needs a thorough cleaning. How do I talk her into letting me hire someone to help?
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Swpbat, one sentence stood out "Mother is very proud and resistant to help." Is it possible your sister is unable to do anything for your Mom because of this?

My Mom [who was also in her 90's] would refuse any type of help, except from my Dad and even that was iffy if he wasn't doing it right. Thus, I was up again a brick wall with trying to help.

As others above had said, what kind of Assisted Living does your Mom reside? All the Assisted Living facilities in my area have housekeeping as part of the monthly rent, plus either 1 meal or 3 meals in the main dining room. Or does your Mom live in senior apartments where ones rent is based on one's income? If yes, then everyone is pretty much on their own to take care of themselves.

Work as a team with your sister to see what could be done to help your Mom, or where Mom could move to be in a cleaner environment.
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Assisted living apartments generally take over housekeeping, laundry and can provide up to 3 meals a day. Go directly to the supervisor...find out what's up and what's available.
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Does sister have POA? She's managing her financial situation but not physical situation? And yes, as gladimhere asked, what kind of "assisted living" is this?
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What kind of assisted living is this? Time to get mom additional services.
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