Mom has Alzheimer's, is there anything to help with her anger towards me about not being able to drive?

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She is extremely angry and mean and threatens to take out a warrant if I don't give her the car keys back. Three doctors have told her she can't drive.They have sent her letter telling her why it is best if she doesn't drive. She will call me up to sixteen times in one day harassing me about this issue. Is it wrong of me to take the phone off the hook? I really need advice on what I can do to handle this. THanks so much!

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We are going through this with my dad. When we brought there car here it was parked outside, he literally never even noticed it! Once we got it in the garage he at first thought we bought a new car. The he recoginised it.. all heck has broken loose. He is driving us crazy, can't leave it alone for an hour. We don't want to put it back outside as it is a very nice car, and we can use it. But he is obsessed with it. Can't drive, dosen't know his address.. you know the drill. I want to take it away for a week or so, my husband thinks we can "deal with this"..lol But not funny. My Mom is is so stressed its not funny. Wish me luck!
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My Mom has blamed me for her loss of driving privileges & independence on me for quite awhile. I am very surprised by Lisa123's response, because doctors are legally required to report a patient diagnosed with dementia to the DMV. Lisa, get those keys awY from her & report her to the DMV immediately, please.

I refuse to discuss the driving issue with my Mom. She may not remember (so you may need to repeat it many, many times), but you may want to consider telling her you will not discuss it further, and if she continues to harass you about it, you won't answer the phone.

I live with my Mom and when she brings it up (or tries to start any kind of confrontation), I leave the room & close & lock the door. That is the advice the Alzheimer's Association gave me. I tend to stay in there for about an 30-60 minutes, and when I come out, she's usually forgotten.
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When she threatens a warrant, say "I'm sorry you feel that way, Mom, but you go ahead and do what you as you see fit. I have to protect you from risks because I love you."

Losing the ability to drive is a HUGE issue to many people. My husband was not angry at me or at the doctor, but he was angry in general about not driving. I'd say it took him a solid year for his depression about that to lessen. It is tough!

Does Mother have in-home help? Most people with dementia reach a point where they cannot live alone. Is Mother perhaps at that point?
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Is she living alone? If so, it seems like that is about to come to an end one way or another. I applaud you for not answering the phone. Her actions are exactly why some elderly aren't allowed telephones (if they are living with someone.) The last morning that my Mother was at home, she called 3 different people at 5AM.

If it wasn't the car keys, it would be something else.

I have know people to give the elderly parent a set of dummy keys. The parent couldn't start the car, but it kept them happy.
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Taking the car is one of the hardest, but most necessary, blows to elders. It is a huge loss of control and independence. You are doing exactly what you need to. I am glad I haven't had to go through this -- my mother never drove and my father quit driving voluntarily. However, my mother threatened me with calling the police many times in the past. I told her to go ahead, but she never did. It was just her anger talking.

If you give this some time, it will get better as she gets used to not driving. I hope it gets better quickly. There's nothing wrong with filtering her calls until it does. Good thoughts coming your way as you go through this.
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So sorry Lisa. I haven't had to do that yet with my mother, but I'm expecting the same reaction. I suspect I'm going to need to do it soon, I'll be interesting in seeing what replies you get.

I don't think it's wrong to take the phone off the hook for a while. Maybe you could redirect her with some other activities (like Adult Day Care ... some provide transportation) or something (some cities have transportation for the elderly at a discounted cost). I assume she lives by herself?
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