Help Me JeanneG CWillie GuestShop BBJessie FF Eyerish Country SnotS Pam KK J29 GWiz SendH Garden CMag and all others. Need a good answer.
I have a question for y'all. A good question.
I will give a fast background but if you don't want to read it just skip to question.
My dad was a rolling stone. He left his 4 children 50yrs ago. We never heard anything from him in all those yrs. No support financially nor emotionally ever. It was what it was. We all turned out pretty ok.
5yrs ago, Boom. A phone call came from Phoenix. "My mom is dying and the house goes to me when she's gone. I want your dad out when she dies." That was the daughter of my dad's GF of 25yrs. I was told they had a great relationship for yrs but this particular daughter wanted the house Immediately.
Some of my other sibs wanted nothing to do w/ him. One sis works 33yrs at a job and coudn't help at the time. I Understand. So I flew down and found him out of his mind w/ dementia. I put him in an AL and came back home and within days he had driven away and hid. The police found him at 2AM directing traffic at a busy intersection in Scottsdale a few wks later. Hospitalized. Flew down. Got him into small Memory Home.
Ran away again. Police found him at a gas station trying to get the 3 kids who were living w/ him in the car OUT! No one there. Hospitalized. Again. He got outta his straps and made it to the nurses station, found some scissors and tried to get out of the hospital. I flew down to get him. The drs said "Get him out of town! He is way too sick and needs much more help than he is getting!"
I drove him back to the Midwest and I laughed my head off! He was as charming and funny as I remembered as a little girl!
The drs in town said put him in palliative care. He only has year and a half to live. That was 5yrs ago.
Got him on the best meds I could which helped for awhile. Got him in Independent living and hid the fact that he was so sick. Took him out for about 4 hrs a day and cleaned up any and all evidence of his dementia as long as I could. Was put in AL 2yrs later because his Lewey Body Dementia w/ Parkinson Symptoms was getting full blown and Everyone in the home was seeing it.
I went down to his small apt everyday at 6am to clean up his place that was covered in piles of feces, puddles of urine, pools of tar like vomit. Everyday. If the staff sees it, they would put him in lock down memory unit which he made me promise I would never do.
Fast forward to beginning of September 2017. I get a call. Your dad has fallen. Broke the ball off his femur. The drs see his records and his condition and the fact that in July the drs had said he had 3~6 months to live. The team of Ortho drs say "We decided to not operate. We will keep him comfortable but he is so bad off and far gone and will never walk again. He will most likely die thru the operation."
My dad had made me his DPOA over everything. He had signed a living will and directive that said under NO circumstances to keep him alive if he would end up in a nursing home. These wishes were to be "strictly followed" it said. Even if his POA falters in her decision.
Now. In my family there are SEVERAL Drs and NPs and lawyers but guess who he made DPOA. Me. For a reason: I would do as he asked.
Well ~ It gets out that dad is in hospital on morphine for 2 days and for the first time they all come and get involved. In 5yrs. "What are you doing? This is cruel! How could you!?" I got phone calls from all over the nation from Dr friends of of family members. They are meeting me in the parking lot ~ "Make me POA. I'll sign the operation papers."
I'm thinking you people have NO IDEA how sick and far gone he is. I have been carrying a dead man walking for the last 5yrs! Praying that he would just go in his sleep.
OK ~ I signed the papers for the operation, he lives, he goes to rehab for 6wks. They come in to assess him from 6 different AL's and Memory care and all say he is too far gone. I am told to put him in a lock down drug induced state nursing facility and when I explain to my dad over a root beer float that he can't go back to his apt, and then return him to the rehab center, what's he go and do?
HE JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW OF HIS REHAB ROOM at 3 in the morning!
He won't go to a nursing home!
I brought him to my place. He's so sick I don't know how long he will make it poor soul.
My Q! What can I do legally, per Medicaid, to retro fit my walkout basement so I won't get in trouble? It is a second apt down there. An old fishing home. On a lake w/ tons of windows. But no shades no furnace that works very well. I pulled out the old kitchen and never had it replaced cuz it was never used down there. a small bathroom but hard to get around. No TV or cable run thru it. I put in the ring so I can watch him from my phone.
I've called Medicaid 3 times and was told anything that is for the benefit of the person is ok. I've seen an elder care lawyer and ran for my life from the office ~ Scary!!!
So ~ I'm asking all you that are so experienced and intelligent! If I can make it thru your scrutiny ~ I can make!