Help me! Parent with dementia, stroke, diabetic, incontinent and no money except SSI. What do I do?

T is right. It’s time to put the feelings of guilt aside and consider what is best for Mom and her daughter. A burned out caregiver cannot give 100%. You need to apply for Medicaid for her. As I’ve written before, none of us who have had to put a much-loved parent in a facility has danced in the street with joy at that task. But we’ve considered our LO’s safety and our own health and come to the only conclusion possible. You can also contact your local Medicaid office and they will help you.

Check with your Agency for Aging and apply for Medicaid immediately. Even if Mom is turned down initially, a social worker will help you get her qualified. Many states have programs available to assist the elderly and disabled too that would help your expenses. Here in Tennessee there's reduced taxes, help with rent and utility payments, free cell phones, SNAP for groceries, transportation services, reduced/free meals on wheels and other stuff. Social worker may also be able to direct you to programs for reduced cost medicines from pharmacy and insurance companies.

Mom may want to stay home, but with ALZ there is going to come a point where you cannot provide her care alone - irregardless of the money issues. You need to make decisions take care of _both_ of you. If Mom is cared for in a facility on Medicaid, her medications and supplies are provided. You can go back to working full time and spend daily time with Mom when you are not exhausted and stressed.

Most of the time Mom's home doesn't have to be sold when Mom enters a facility on Medicaid so you can continue living there. In Tennessee, you could probably get title to the mobile home if you have lived with Mom and provided her care for at least 2 years. Some variations of this exist in several states.