Can anyone help me deal with a self absorbed mother-in-law that believes her needs are more important than the rest of the family?

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My husband, myself and our daughter have moved in with his mother after she had a fall. She is running ragged with housework laundry and such. Even to the point of hunting down things she misplaced. Gets pissed when we don't drop everything when she wants to go to the beauty salon. Its never ending she keeps my daughter up at night talking HELP IM drowning!!!!!

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Thank you all for the suggestions.My mother-in -law walks with assistance such as walker and sometimes a cane.She has a sharp mind but is very Attention Deficit.
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You don't give us much info about MIL's overall health - both physical and mental. What caused her fall? You may be witnessing cognitive decline or dementia, which would mean that you probably can't reason with her in a logical way. Some level of cognitive decline or dementia would also explain her frenzied and unorganized approach to life. If she has cognitive decline, she can't think two steps ahead. Tell us more about the "back story" of MIL and the family and we can give you better ideas about how to handle things. Why did you think moving in was the way to go?
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I would make plans to get moved out.
Get your own place. Let MIL know that she needs to start having an aide coming in to help her.

Don't expect her to cooperate with any of this.

If there is other family members around..,discuss with them how JOINTLY you all can decide how to move forward from here.

But, get moved.
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Moving in with MIL seemed like a good solution at the time. It apparently doesn't seem so good now. What are the chances of deciding it was a mistake and moving out? Don't abandon MIL. See that she has the help she needs, but don't think you have to personally provide it.

Meanwhile, set some boundaries. You need advance notice when she wants you to take her somewhere. There is quiet time after x o'clock -- no talking to daughter. With MIL, set up a housekeeping schedule. Also expect her to do the things she still can do. Can she fold laundry? Manage the dishwasher?

You are at a distinct disadvantage here, because you are in her house. Her house, her rules. Still, make a firm attempt at setting boundaries on things that involve you. And start researching other care arrangements for MIL.
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