Can someone help me cope with my Mom's pacemaker infection?

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My mom is 94, had pacemaker infection June 9 and replacement pacemaker on June 13. Has congestive heart failure and ejection fraction of 10-15%. On IV antibiotics. May be discharged from hospital to nursing home by tomorrow for wound care and IV antibiotics. She is too tired to do physical or occupational therapy today and refused therapy. The nurse said she is weak from being sick and we can't make her do therapy. I was told in May, that she may have 6 months left to live, due to end stage heart failure. I lived with my mom (and dad, who I lost 4 years ago), for over 20 years at home. My mom is one of my only emotional supports. I am very sad and worried about this recent health development for my mom. I know that no one has any answers as to if she will recuperate or not, but I need someone to listen and help me process this. Thank you.

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Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. According to physical therapy, mom has met goals and so has improved strength somewhat. We are taking it a day at a time and seeing how she does. I want to do what is best for her and support her.
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Im sorry about your moms health. But be happy knowing she is ok there, now as others mentioned you can go just to spend time with her. I never know the right things to say but Im here for you, we all are. You and your mom are in my thoughts..hugs.
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You sound so sad - here's a big cyberhug for you and your mom!

I think hospice in the nursing home would be easier for everyone, and if your mother is comfortable with that then choose that option. She'll be able to get 24/7 support which would be hard for you to provide at home.

In the meantime, know that you've done all you can, and take the remaining time to spend with your mother and help her through this transition.

Best to you and your mom!
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I am glad you were able to talk things over with your mother and you both accept the fact that she needs to stay in the nursing home. you mother sounds as though she is ready to accept whatever she needs to do and of course does not want you to be upset. Having hospice come in to the nursing home is a good idea. they will come in and acess her and if it's too soon will tell you. It is more eyes watching her and an RN comming in regularity to check on her and make sure she gets the proper medications ordered. There will also be a social worker to visit and a minister if that is what she wants. Also volunteers to sit with her or do little things.
The social worker will also be available for you to talk to to help you through this.
Blessings to you and Mom
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Thank you both for your replies. My mom is in the nursing home, in our hometown. She has done some physical therapy, but it is tiring and she may not be able to do 5 days of therapy a week for much longer. I talked with the cardiologist today and he said to ask the physical therapist if my mom has plateaued with therapy. I am sad because I know she will not be strong enough to come home to live again, and if we did hospice in our home, I would have to be the one to transfer her and though I am still young (50 years) I don't have the strength to do that. I talked with my mom about her staying in the nursing home and she is okay with it; I was crying and she did not want me to cry. The doctor said we could start hospice in the nursing home when we were ready. I am very sad about my mom's health and about her not coming home again. I knew this would happen someday, but it is just too sad.
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Martha there are many loving and compassionate people here who will offer their support for you at this very difficult time.
Your mother has lived a very long life and everyone is pretty tired by the time they reach the grand age of 94. She has been very sick on top of already having other serious health issues and it takes a long time to recover from a hospital stay. Comfort is the most important thing at this time so don't worry if she refuses therapy. Two things you can encourage her to do is deep breathing exercises. even 2 or 3 deep breaths every half hour is better than nothing. Deep breathing will help her fight off the risk of pneumonia. the other important thing is for her to move her legs to prevent clots forming. if she does not have the strength ask the nurses if it is OK for you to bend and staighten her legs. Having IV antibiotics tend to upset the stomach so she probably does not feel like eating. Encuorage her to drink anything she fancies as long as it is allowed.
As Mom is so ill and may not recover have you considered having hospice come in? If you want to care for her at home for whatever time she has left hospice will help you do that. they also have councillors who will help you deal with your sadness. It is going to be very hard for you to face life alone so lean on friends, family and if you have one your church family. As Mom is 94 you must also be advanced in years so don't take on things beyond your capabilities. If it is best for Mom to stay in the nursing home because it may be too much for you to provide 24 hour care do not feel you are failing Mom by not taking her home. it is far better for you to know that she has proper 24 hour care that allows you to spend quality time with her. If she feels well enough later you can take her out for short periods or even home for the week end to see how you both manage and how much care she actually needs and your comfort providing it. It is vitally impotant for a caregiver to get proper rest so keep this in mind and don't rush to make emotional decisions. Many thoughts and prayers will be comming your way. Remember there is no such thing as a stupid question. Blessings
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martha51986, Im here and you can talk with me. Im so sorry to hear about your moms infections and am praying the antibiotics help. I understand what your going through, the Dr's just recently gave my dad 6- 12 months as well. My grandpa is in poor health as well. I lost my mom in 2010 so I understand about you losing your dad. Its like a nightmare that I dont want have anymore.

I bet thats how you feel too. As I have been told here, make every wonderful memory you can and keep letting them know how much you love them and are here for them. It is hard to say how she will come out of this, but I am praying for the best for your mom and you. Just encourage her to rest and eat healthy ( sneak some goodies in there ..depending what she is allowed) Same goes for you, take care of yourself, thats what our family wants for us as well. Hopefully when she feels a little better she will start a little therapy :)

Im scared too for my dad and grandfather, its not easy but this forum is wonderful and you will have their and my support. Hugs
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