Mother has been diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. She is narcissistic, mean, verbally abusive and swears horribly. She receives SSI and lives next door to me. My three brothers have nothing to do with her. Two of them having charged up her credit cards, stolen from her, and left her for broke. I (and my husband and children) are the only ones left to care for her. Yet, I am tired of her abuse and anger. She emotionally drains me. It feels like she is sucking the life out of me. My husband says he feels the same. Our boys are in college and do their best to help out by giving her rides to the grocery store and stuff, but nothing we do for her is ever good enough...or just...enough. There is always, always something else she needs, and if we don't hop to it immediately, then "we don't care" according to her.
She refuses to go to the dr. and refuses to take any meds even though she responded to resperidone fairly well. She said the medication made her too zomby like, though in reality, she seemed at a more normal state than all wired up or extremely depressed and negative. I have been dealing with this for over twenty years now, and just wish to be done with it all. I do not want guardianship, because her behavior is toxic to me and my family.
My mother told me last week that she chooses to be "weird or crazy" and that" I will just have to deal with it." At this very moment, she is sitting in a dark kitchen with about two inches of water on the floor because she tripped the circuit breakers and flooded the house. She just gave away her bed to the salvation army. Her couch, dining room table and chairs to one of my thieving brothers, and her bedroom furniture to my youngest son...which we just moved to her storage shed because she said she would get rid of it if we didn't. She has no tv because the dish company was ripping her off. She let go of her home phone because the phone company was ripping her off. She has her purse and a money box locked in her fridge (with a chain and pad lock) because she says someone is stealing her food and her money. She has no clothes to wear, she says, because someone is stealing her clothes, even her used underwear. Her house reeks of a horrible smell that makes you want to vomit upon entering. Her dogs are kept locked inside with her. She recently painted their noses purple because she thought the dogs were imposters and she could tell it was them with the purple on the nose.
So, the question is, do you, as a daughter, respect a mother's choice to be weird and crazy, recognizing that everyone is entitled to their civil rights, or do you try to force medication such as involuntary hospitalization, hoping to improve her way of life? This is what I am struggling with now. She is paying her mortgage as far as I know. She is aware that she needs a roof over her head and when she is paranoid of me or my husband or our kids, she has called a church to ask for help. They sent someone to drive her to the store. Of course, this person did it for a fee but the point is, she IS resourceful.
Usually, when she says "someone" is doing something to her, it has come out that she thinks its one of us. The paranoia seems to be directed at the family members that care and try to help. Perhaps because of the family relationship, her mind feels "safe" to accuse one of us because we are still there for her after the accusations. I don't know. I just know, I would like to get her into some type of home. We cannot afford to constantly fix up her damages to her home and neither can she. What is "too far gone mentally" to not do anything?
I feel I shouldn't have to become her slave to make her happy, which is what she wants. She wants someone there, all the time, helping her to do the things she wants to do. Like hanging wires across the ceiling because she thinks someone is coming through it. Isn't that enabling her delusions? Where is the line between being supportive and doing the right thing by an elderly parent and enabliing a crazy person?
She has said in no uncertain terms that she would never agree to leave her home. I do not want guardianship of her to get her in a home, it means I will have to deal with her more than I am now, and I already intensely dislike her, for she is not the mother I knew growing up, that mother has been dead for years now. This is an ugly shell of a person who is so demanding that the devil would throw her back.
I want all who reads this to know that all of the above things, with the water, the dogs... are nothing compared to past issues. Sept. 18th, 2009, caught her on our web cam entering our home while we were at work, that night, my husband and I were deathly ill, could not even raise our heads to get off the bed. One month later, to the day, mother came over, saying we should get a will, someone might be out to try to harm us.
Just how obligated should I feel towards her, because with each passing day, I am feeling colder and colder towards her.