How to help a daughter be more understanding to the fact that her Mother cannot help what is happening to her memory?

Follow
Share

Anita is the Daughter of the Dementia Person Annie Mae. Anita and her Husband is the caregivers for Annie Mae. Eye sight is just about completely gone. She is now having problems with her daily/short term memory. They get highly upset and constantly correct Annie Mae when she gets anything out of order or says something incorrect. They make a scene. Its hard watching Annie Mae loose her Mind and it is so sad. I stay with Annie Mae at least one day a month to give them a break. Two other family members gives them one day a month breaks. They get 3 to 6 days a month away to do what they need to do or just get away. How can we help them to understand Annie Mae has no control over what is happening to her? I usually just let Annie Mae continue telling her stories over and over as if I have never heard them. and let her tell what ever she talks about in the way she remembers it at the time. I just don"t correct her. Seems to make her feel at eaz and happy to talk. When they stop her, force her to rethink what she has said and then correct her. She is so sad and hurt. I know it is hard and not something we want to see happen. But she can not help it. If she could, she would. Annie Mae is a geniue true Lady. I have never heard her say anything bad about anyone, always had a kind word to say to everyone, prayed for everyone and do what ever she could for anyone. Just one of the greatest people you could ever meet. Please give some ways we can help the family adjust easier. Anita and her husband are not easy people to talk to. In their eyes they dont do or say anything wrong. So, I really need some pointers here. Sincerely, Sham M.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
5

Answers

Show:
I consider myself very understanding and patient when dealing with my mothers decline and memory issues but I am also human and get frustrated with the constant repeating and confusion. I know she can't help being this way and it breaks my heart to see her struggling. I know when I have reached my breaking point and have to take time for myself but I admit I sometimes snap at her over something trivial. Everyone handles stress and problems in different ways and some people just are not cut out to be care takers. It sounds like you are just the right person to be taking care of Annie Mae. Perhaps you could arrange it with the family so you could be there more that one day a month.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It's so great that you want to be an advocate for your friend. Her family just doesn't get it. They don't know why she's behaving that way. The sad thing is that if they admit that she can't help it and that no amount of correction will fix it, they are admitting it's hopeless and that is difficult to do. Still, it's reality and whether they get on board or not, her dementia will progress and nothing they do or say will control it.

I think it depends on your relationship with the lady and her husband. For some people, I could say, not in earshot of Annie Mae, that I had noticed some things and found out the following information and pull out the brochure, articles, etc. I might even say that the Alzheimers association has a website with lots of helpful information. I would mention this site too. They can be receptive or not.

If you don't feel comfortable addressing them directly, you could mail them the material anonymously.

Bless you for your concern and caring.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think sometimes when there have been deaths in a family, like the loss of a parent or sibling or someone close it's hard to face the reality of such an illness like Dementia. Don't know if that's the case here but maybe something to inquire about. My family is the same way in that they just pretend it's not happening (my brother) or are very angry (my dad) and acts out. My sister died before I came along and my brother now 60 years old still has hard time with dealing with illness and death. A few months before his middle child died of leukemia at age 32 he had two heart attacks before Christmas in 2012. He doesn't want to face my mom's reality and gets angry with me at times about how much I do, probably guilt but not my problem. I just wonder if other life events have an impact on the ability to face and cope and so just deny deny deny and run away. Jacky
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It is hard for daughters to see their parents deteriorate - mentally or physically. They have been our heroes, our guiding lights, our teachers, our biggest cheerleaders. Some people just cannot let go of those thoughts.

You are good to care about it and to take care of Annie Mae. It would be helpful if they could read up on dementia, or if the doctor could talk to them about what to expect. But - as the saying goes - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

All you can do is try to suggest things and show by example. If you are a religious person, pray for them to have understanding.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Marie, glad you understand the process that happens when someone has dementia. It really scares me whenever I read that there are family caregivers who are so unfamiliar with the process, so very unfair to the older family member.

If you think the family would take some time to read some short articles to help them through this maze, go to the blue bar near the top of this page.... click on SENIOR LIVING.... now click on ALZHEIMER's CARE... and scroll down to the various articles. These articles are good for any type of memory loss. Pick out the ones you think best describe what the elder is going through... print out the article and hand them to the family.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions