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My father can no longer get up on his own and we cannot lift him to get him up. He fights us when its time to use the bathroom and because of his cancer he doesn't know whats going on so everytime he tries to get up and we have to medicate him and restrain him until he goes in his diaper. How do we make his quality of life better.

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No big deal. Just tell him, like i did my mom its just underwear and its just padded and that's all you can say. Its to protect your clothes. I am sure hes smart and will realize it for himself like my mom does. It's a part of life and there is just some things we must except and that's that. My mother does.
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I so feel for you. My Mother had cancer and she used the commode that was next to her bed. I would help her get up until I no longer could and one day she was so heavy (sort of like dead weight) that I could not hold her up and we both went down to the floor. Thank God it was a slow fall so she was not hurt. The worse part is that I could not help her up and I had to wait for my brother to come home. I did all I could to make her comfortable on the floor for about 1/2 hour. I felt horrible after his incident. I could have hurt her. I decided that it was time to have Hospice help me do something about it. They came out, checked her out. All was fine, with the exception that she had to use a catherer. She never liked it and she still wanted me to help her up to go to the bathroom. It took me awhile to convince her that she didn't need to go anymore unless of course she needed to do #2. The way I think she finally was convinced was that I was afraid that I would hurt her if I helped her to get up. I didn't put any blame on her, I simply convince her by telling her that it would help me a lot if she would do this. She knew I was doing so much already that she finally agreed. Unfortunately, I did not have to deal with trying to help her up in going #2 because she passed not to soon after we put the catherer in.

I wish you luck and do try to ask him to do it for you; perhaps that would help.

Hugs, AM
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My mother has been just the opposite although it fits into her dependency mode. She likes being literally babied. She was continent but would refuse to get up out of bed to walk to the toilet with assistance. Mom was in rehab at the time. The facility put her in diapers instead of the pretty, new panties I bought for her and enabled her. It was too much bother for them to get her up. Same scenario in long term. She has been in diapers since then and she is the one who refers to them as diapers. I believe they could be the cause of her UTIs when they have not been changed often enough. Part of her care plan had been to get her up to use the toilet in her room. That didn't with any regularity
and my mother simply refused to walk to the point where she has lost function in her legs. The elderlies are all different. My dad, who is home with 24/7 family caregiving, is wearing them more precautionary. He is able to use his walker to get to the toilet but his timing can be off a bit. We ask if he needs to change his "pants" short for underpants. Dad does not mind them and they prevent the embarrassment of wet spots on his outer garments. Be careful with your dad. While it can be difficult assisting him in using equipment in bed, bedside like a portable commode or getting to an equipped bathroom with other assists is definitely in his best interest. My mother is wasting away in bed. My father is up all day and as active as he can be given his limitations.
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I agree with dianestark. Don't use the word diaper. They are "special underwear for adults". I have to battle Mother to get her to wear them "just in case". A couple weeks ago I found some pink ones. They also had blue and light beige for men. They are much more comfortable than the others and fit better.
Check with her doctor about getting a lift. Medicare should pay for it if the doctor request it. They provided a bedside commode for Mother.
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Yes it's his Insurance isn't used properly for HIM.
and is being restrained &in a diaper is Not DIGNITY. I agree Darcy/Diane.
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With my mother I found the easiest way to handle it was to tell her they were throw away undies. This allows her to maintain some sort of dignity which is so very important. If I used the word diaper she would take my head off.
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My grandma was completely continent and the nursing home staff would get mad at her when she asked to use the restroom! They said, "You are wearing a diaper! Use it!" She would about KILL herself waiting to be taken. I agree. Get a bedside commode if needed. I also refused to use a bedpan in the hospital. They are disgusting. If he is continent everything thing should be done to keep it that way. Diapers cause skin break down and many other problems as well.... I know I worked many years in nursing homes. Be glad he doesn't want to use it.....
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It is not okay for him to use his incontinent wear. He probably believes they are for accidents or when he cannot get the help he wants to use a toilet. If you are not able to help him, his insurance should provide a home health aide for some weekly hours. Medicare also pays for hospice care. There is no shame in asking for help, especially when it ensures the dignity of a loved one. I speak from experience, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1998, she passed away at home 11/29/2012. The last years of her life were difficult for her. Her primary care physician referred home health aides that her insurance paid and eventually hospice care that was paid for Medicare. Please try and do some research and see what is available to lessen your burden. Ask your father's PCP what's available. Getting help will improve both your lives. God Bless.
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AND Please do it Without Retraints.
Explain WHY you are doing this and they will help with what solutions will be right.
Please dont just leave him in a bed.CAll Monday
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Yes a good Patient lift..try to make him comfortable as possible all the time..&so he does get food¬ to get dehydrated. His comfort fooods..diff scenery not just lying
in the bed.You can ask a nurse to come in or Aides.I am sure it is all part of what he needs too..and that is Vital so he is Comfortable and has variety..not just in bed.
sunshine helps everyone..&enjoying laughter.Look into it Monday.Plenty of Options so that he stays comfortable&with a Variety of views&foods&juices/water. teas..
Francis
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Your father may need a lift as the above message mentioned. A beside commode can help. If he isn't able to be safely lifted with a lift and transferred to the commode, you can use a hand held urinal to help him. There are various types of bed pans for bowl movements and the depends will catch any accidents. If you clean him properly and quickly, his skin should hold up.

I would ask the doctor if he could benefit from PT to regain enough strength for
standing with a walker and transferring to a wheelchair and bedside commode.

There are also transfer devices(transfer boards) which will allow him to move from the bed to a bedside commode with a drop arm without having to stand. It does require some upper body arm strength on his part. Frequently people can use this method for part of a day but they become too weak to use it repeatedly.

I would not rush to a nursing home. I would get additional home health aides to assist. The NH have more staff, but they will not be able to do anything you are not doing with additional or sufficient staff.

Having a good patient lift will make life for you and your father so much better. Do get training on the lift and make sure your father understands the procedure is to help him get into his wheelchair etc. If he is able to go to another room for meals, to watch tv etc his spirits will likely improve.

Good luck. Whenever the elderly person loses a function, it takes time to reconsider how to best take care of him. With some money, thought and training generally things can be reworked.

I know you are working hard. Get whatever you need to help him (equipment and personnel wise). Take care of yourself as his caregiver--eat right and sleep. He needs you being healthy and not exhausted.

Elizabeth
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As confused as he may be, it sounds like he does know when he has to use the bathroom. Wearing a diaper is a very humiliating experience. Would it be possible for you to get a lift and learn how to use it properly and safely? Then perhaps he could be transfered to a bedside commode. As an alternative, if he is too large for you to assist, then if I were you, I would search for an assisted living or nursing home situation for him. As much as you love him and want him at home - what you are doing would actually be considered illegal in a nursing home - the use of medical and physical restraints. How much better for either you or a trained facility to return his dignity to him. I don't mean hurt your feelings, but this is truely what I see in this situation according to what you've written. I appreciate that you are looking for answers.
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