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My main problem is that I can't drive (never have). I'm 70 years old and my husband has been fighting stage IV lung cancer for a little over 3 years now. His cancer is "stable" but everything else is breaking down. He has had 2 mini strokes, shingles, diabetic coma (blood sugar dropped to 24 due to illness that caused dehydration), lose of stability (says his legs are very weak and start giving out on him when he has been standing for less then a few mins., We also have a two level townhouse with the shower and baths upstairs with the bedrooms. My husband has been sleeping on the couch (I use a baby monitor to hear if he needs me during the night). So when he wants to take a shower I have to give him enough support to get up the stairs and into the shower and back down. He has also lost control of his bowel during the night. I wanted to get in home services to at least help him get to his shower but he doesn't want a stranger in the house. I'm also a 16 year breast cancer survivor and I don't have very much strength myself.

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So sorry for you! Don't know what city you are in, but there should be a local senior service center that can advise you, and they should have a lot of on-line resources. If you are low income or not, there are senior apartments available that will have elevators and bathrooms in your apartment that are all totally disabled friendly, i.e. roll-in showers. Our assisted living facilities offer respite "apartments" some studio to two bedroom, starting at $85 a night (in my Seattle area) and once again, those are all set-up for disabled access and the respite units are furnished and include meals. You could place him in there for a week or so or even a month just to get your bearings and make a more permanent decision as to your living situation. In addition, you could install a chair lift in your current town home. Those run around $1,000 or so. Look on-line for dealers in your area, they are very safe and can be quickly installed. When you go to sell, they can be removed and sold, so you don't lose a lot of $. My mother installed one in her two story house and this has allowed her to continue living in the home she loves.

This sounds like a dangerous situation for both of you and I think you should be prepared to make a decision quickly for the safety of you both. If you would revel the city you are in, I would be happy to investigate services to you in greater detail.

Also, check into hospice, as difficult as a decision as that is, sounds like a good solution as well. Hospice can be offered to you at no cost in any setting--home, assisted living, nursing home, or even hospital. They take care of everything from meds to bathing to medications. His doctor must think that he has less than six months to live, but that's not set in stone and the hospice can continue. With hospice you just must decide that curative treatments will no longer take place, ie chemo.

Now is a good time to make sure that all of your wills and other documents are in place!!!!

Take care and best wishes!
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Please check into a hospice. Interview and find one that is on board with your thinking because they are not all alike. Ask around. It sounds as though hospice might be your answer. I don't think you will be disappointed and the support will give you comfort! Best Wishes!
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Do yall not have any children?
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His MD can order a visiting nurse at the very least. If he is a vet, the VA may be able to help, go to va.gov for information. At stage IV he may be eligible for Hospice services covered by Medicare with his MD recommending the services.
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Either sell this townhouse and move to a single level house or move your husband upstairs so you do not have to move him back and forth. Get an aide REGARDLESS of what he says. If he would prefer a male request that. You are working way too hard and he needs professional care. Consider moving to an assisted living facility also. In any event, you need to protect yourself from injury and both of you could possibly fall down the stairs. A very dangerous situation. Change it immediately! That's my best nurse advice.
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This past year my father lived with me in a simular state of endurance(all though we did not have stairs) I had a hard time keeping him steady when his knees were weak. I did bring in a home health nurse she introduced him to a CNA and once they figured out my dad was comfortible with her, they introduced the idea of helping "me" to help him into the tub(with me present) and helping him clip his nails etc. The nurse stated if he did not feel comfortible with the person the could bring out someone else.
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