She is stressed and self-medicating and snaps easily. My aunt (56 y.o) is very stressed after providing FT care to my grandma while working FT. My grandma is still somewhat mobile and lucid but can not do as many things as she used too and as much as my aunt would still like her to do. My aunt is very set in her ways, becomes mean and defensive when I see her, even though all we are trying to do is help. She is self-medicating a lot with alcohol. She is not exercising, She is overweight and compulsively, anxiously over eats terribly and also has her own health problems. She lives 350 miles away. I try to visit as often as I can (3-4 times a year) and I call every week however it is never enough and my sister and I have become victim to her stress. I am 41 and am treated as if I am disrespecting if I question or suggest anything. I need to have a hard discussion with her because the status quo isn't working here and I am dreading future visits. Any advice on how to approach this?