My dad is in a memory care nursing home. He has Alzheimer's. He lives 2 hours away from me. His wife that he was married to for 30 plus years just recently passed away. She ran everything when she was alive. The memory care place now has me down as next of kin which is correct. They asked me to be Power of Attorney. I have no problem with that. I told them I had to wait for the will to be probated. She died July 22nd. They have called 3 times asking about who is going to pay for his care. I said you have to have patience for me to find out where everything is. Plus it is now up to me if I want to keep my dad 2 hours away or move him close to me. What do people think of this? Please I look forward to any info you have.

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You need an attorney.

I’m sorry for the loss of your SM. I would not even consider moving dad at this point. That’s inviting a lot of unknown issues in when right now you need access to his funds. Focus on that.

Since your dad’s expenses are accumulating and regardless of what happens with his wife’s estate, his bills must be paid. It’s early days but I don’t think the MC will be very patient.

I ( with no knowledge of how this works) might be concerned that the MC would sue for guardianship of your father if you aren’t moving forward in a reasonable amount of time. They are losing money with no way to recoup that doesn’t include a lawyer.

I’ve read on this site that some places will even manufacture a reason to send him to the ER and then not accept him back.

Whether or not you are the executor, I would want to get a certified elder attorney involved to protect dad’s interest and make sure he has the ability to continue to private pay or if he would need to file for Medicaid in the future when he needs more nursing care.

All the information I have states that only the principal can assign a POA to an agent. The principal would be your dad, not the memory care. Does your dad have sufficient cognition to sign such a document? Be careful that you don’t sign anything without understanding what you may be personally liable for. You should have anything you sign looked at by your own attorney. You may need to file for guardianship. Don’t trust the MC attorney’s to be looking out for your interest.
Was a child of your SM taking care of SMS finances before her death?

Do you and dad both live in NJ? Hopefully someone with knowledge of NJ laws will see your post.

Since your stepmom took care of everything, the visit with a certified elder attorney would be a great next step so that you can move forward with confidence that you aren’t setting you and dad up for future problems.
(The attorneys fees would be paid from dad’s assets).
Is your dad aware that his wife has died? Does he know you? There are many factors to consider before taking action but action is in order.

In some states a will doesn’t have to be probated for several years.

We like to say on this forum that we learn from one another. Please keep us in the loop on how this plays out. The more details you give, the better (more helpful) answers you will get.
Note: You may need to file for emergency guardianship.
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The nursing home may attempt to have you sign papers which would make you responsible for the debt. Never sign anything unless you have POA and then always sign your name "as POA for _____.
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Are they going to assist you with POA papers through a lawyer? Is Dad already declared incompetent by a doctor. Because to be his guardian is really to be appointed by the courts if he is not able to appoint you. However, that will take a bit of time.
Were I you, and it is an option, and I had to do the POA (and it is not nothing to do; you need to keep meticulous records, you will find mail going here there and everywhere in the beginning, banks can give you a hard time and etc.) I would try to have him move closer to you, so investigate that now. In the meantime, yes, they will want to be paid just as always and no they won't wait more than a month I do believe. So you may HAVE to move him sooner than you would like. Start looking at nearby places. Do any friends have suggestions. However, I agree with CountryMouse that moving someone in memory care if you are happy with the care and he is settled, may be very bad for him in terms of adjustment.
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You can't just "be" Power of Attorney. Unless your father is still able to create a new POA, which seems unlikely given his circumstances, or unless you were designated as your late step-mother's deputy in the POA that she held for him, I think you'd probably have to apply for some kind of guardianship. You can look up this sort of information on your father's state's website.

But in any case, your father's own assets and income still exist regardless of anything in her will. Who is managing your late stepmother's estate, do you know? That person should be prepared to give you any information you need that was kept among your stepmother's possessions.

Moving a person with Alzheimer's Disease who is well settled in his memory care unit is generally not good for him, but that doesn't mean it's out of the question. How much do you know about the place where he is? - apart from that they're clearly red-hot on credit control. Is there an equally good or better facility nearer you?
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I don’t have advice for the finances, but I wanted to say think a dozen times about moving your father within “arm’s reach” of you, or if no acceptable facilities are close, in with you. You will probably feel you must supervise his care if he’s close to you. Only do this if you are able to put your life on hold. If he’s happy where he’s at now, work on the payment and put the relocation on the back burner.
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Who was her PR of her estate? Most home have the payment for lodging made thru auto pay, it comes right out of the patients checking account, he can have this done if it is not being done. He just has to sign up for it with the home, giving them the information.
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Who is the Executor if the Will?

When my step Dad died Mum, also the Executrix was able to access some funds during probate. You need to check into this immediately as your Dad’s rent must be paid.

Give it a month or two to decide if it is best to move him closer to where you live or keep him where he is. There are a number of factors to consider before contemplating a move.
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