Can I be held legally responsible for damages to my Mother's house or injuries that may happen to my Mother in my absence?

From my perspective working in care management the first thing that is needed is to learn about how to handle dementia. Your local library may have a DVD set that helps explain the process, what to do and may actually show you the deterioration of the brain as it shrinks and the damage that occurs to the brain. It is shocking when you see how little of the brain still exists.

Next I suggest you call your local Alzheimer's Association and ask to speak with a counselor. They are available 24/7. They can help you decide what to do.
In my opinion, the reason things are so difficult, is in fact because there is a need for a care manager. If you wish to take on that role then there needs to be what we call a care plan.

Decisions will need to be made as to how yor mother's care is handled from the most basic of tasks to how are the bills going to be handled, who is going to be the Durable Power of Attorney f(DPOA) for finances and most importantly who will be DPOA for Healthcare.

You can seek answers on the internet but also locate an elder law attorney in your area. Ask for a one hour consultation so that you understand what is necessary and what is required. Don't just speak to the first person you find. Look into all of the elder law attorneys, ask around, then when you have identified someone you like go ahead and make an appointment.

Hope this helps. Good Luck.

My mom is has similar issues to yours but I have taken a few precautions and I do leave her alone for short periods of time because I have to work. I took the knobs off our electric stove and bought a microwave with a child lock because she did accidentally leave it on too long and melted something that set off the smoke alarm. Honestly though, my friends mom did the same thing and she doesn't have dementia, just pressed to many numbers and then fell asleep. I also have camera's in the house (den, kitchen, living room) to check on her occasionally so if she fell I would know.. I work only 15 minutes away so I usually run home for lunch. I leave her food to eat, snacks, bananas, and water so she eats, watches TV, plays with our dog and sometimes sits on our living room sofa with the dog and people watches out the window. She doesn't try to leave the house so she seems to do well on her own. Each person has to assess their own situation and determine their own plan of action. If she wanders than maybe she can't be left alone or she may leave the house. Also never, ever leave car keys, dangerous liquids, scissors or knives where she can get them. I am an only child and I am afraid that some people don't realize how hard it is when everything falls on your shoulders. personally I think you need to have a talk with your siblings and instead of them going on a vacation, they need to come stay a week at the house while you take a break. They have just as much responsibility to care for he as you do. If they won't then they should pay for a sitter while you go away for a week or weekend. If your sister lives close enough to take your mom then she lives close enough to get her butt over to your house and sit with mom for a day or a weekend. So sad if that is an inconvenience for her but you have been inconvenienced for a while now.

I feel your pain, for 5 years nobody helped me. I finally gave up and hired a live in helper who gives me 3 - 4 full 12 hour days per week. She works part time elsewhere. My daughter is finally pitching in for 10 hours a week. Mother pays both of them out of her social security and VA Aid in Attendance benefits. You might check and see if your bf's father has VA or if he served in the military. It could boost his income by up to $1800 per month for the veteran and $1100 for the widow.

You cannot leave your mom alone, and you know that. Stop letting your demented mom run your life. You already KNOW what's wrong with mom. Now I'm asking, "What is wrong with YOU?" Hope this is a wake-up call. You desperately need one.

What do you do when the family does not help with anything for their 86 year old father. My boyfriend and I had to move back in his home to care for him and we do everything for him period. And it's putting a big strain on our relationship. I didn't want to move back here at all. It's not fair we have no freedom at all, but the rest of the family does. Please someone.

Dear Reverseroles, it is because she is desperate probably even to get in groceries much less get a hair cut or go to the dentist herself. and to Moms2nddaughter, take her to your sisters for a few days and d*mn that she wants to sleep in her own bed. That's as selfish as it gets on her part. When she gets there, she will have a good time and the break will be good for both of you.

If you have an electric stove it needs to be put on and shut off at the breaker box every time you use it. She could start a fire while you are in the bathroom or sleeping. This almost happened to our family when a loved one got up in the middle of the night and left a burner on for several hours while 3 family members were sleeping including me. Thankfully no one got hurt in our case. You cannot leave your mom alone at all and you need to take steps to make everything safe for her when you are in the home but not within visual contact with her. A time will come, if it hasn't already, where you will not be able to keep her safe with just one person with her all the time.

I agree that you have every right for a break, but that it's best to hire someone to come in. If you have volunteers in your community such as HomewithDad mentioned, that's ideal.

If not, in-home care agencies offer varying hours. I'd start with having someone come a few hours a day while you are there before you take your trip. Then take your break and keep the help if you/she can afford it. You shouldn't be on duty 24/7 for years at a time.
Good luck,
Carol

My question is why would you leave someone in that condition. I hope no one leaves me alone if i am like that, i might start myself on fire or fall and be alone in pain. Your moms dpao needs to start setting up a care and pay schedule. My mom was at your moms stage 17 years ago. I did the at-her home care and shes now been with me 8 years. Shes 94 non mobile and non verbal , incontinent and swalowing problems. So as you see, this is a long road. Make plans. My plan is morning help and i can get out. I use carecom and went thru many before i got a good woman. Use your moms ss or etc to pay them, ir yourself. Good luck

We also found the Sister Servants of Mary - a catholic order of Nuns whose only ministry is to come and sit with the sick and dying to give the family a break. This is in New Orleans, and I don't know if there are similar groups in other cities, but you could call Catholic Charities and ask. They did not charge, but of course welcomed donations to their Order.

We live near a hospital and found many great nurses and aids who were more than willing to come sit and care for the elderly for only $10 an hour. This is as inexpensive as we could find. The agencies charged from $18-$24 an hour. But with a nurse, we were safe.

You can't leave her alone - that is an absolute. She is quite clearly at risk. I am in UK so things MAY be different there - BUT you are entitled to a break. You have a lifespan care act that may enable you to access respite - Im not to sure how it works but you might want to look up The Lifespan Respite Care Act of 2006

If you can access it you can usually - and it is usually not a given force your Mum into respite care for one reason and one reason alone. If you don't have a break then you are going to have a breakdown...at this point it will all be taken out of your hands and your Mum would be put into care possibly permanently.

So to put her into care for a week or two while you have a much needed break is realistic and you must have agencies or possibly grant agencies/charities that would enable this.

If you rang APS and said you were on holiday for a week they WOULD step in and then there is a risk that you would be prosecuted for neglect. However if you consult in advance to arrange the care and are insistent on it then you won't be leaving her alone. She might be stroppy as hell initially but she will forget soon enough - My mum hates going into care for a week but she goes because I HAVE to have a break - all my family know when I need one - I cry a lot at stupid things.

Contact your local office for the aging and local hospice programs -- not because she needs hospice, but because they have lists of respite care options such as facilities or people who can stay with your mother while you are gone. I think, although I'm not positive, that even Medicare covers short periods of respite care. It will be well worth finding options because you cannot survive 24/7 care year after year. You must get periodic relief (more frequently than every two years) and there is help available. Your mother won't like it, but you are going to have to do it anyway for both your sakes. Good luck.

Seek help

With no reasoning skills, as you describe, I would be afraid to leave her alone for any length of time. The number of things that could go wrong are endless. I would fear liability, plus harm to her and others.

Rarely do dementia patients admit they are not able to take care of themselves and insist on round the clock supervision. In their mind, they're fine. That's when they have to be taken care of as you would a child who isn't capable of looking out for themselves.

Getting her to accept the care is the key. There are many ways to do that, ranging from insistence to persuasion. I would certainly halt her cooking ability, even if I had to disable the stove or pull the circuit breaker.

Your mom may want to be left alone but she is no longer able to make those kinds of decisions on her own. You could potentially be held liable if you left her alone and there was an accident in your absence especially since you are aware of previous mishaps.

I don't blame you for needing a break. You definitely need one. But before you take one you must line up in-home care for your mom or arrange for her to go to a facility while you take respite care.