Can I be held legally responsible for damages to my Mother's house or injuries that may happen to my Mother in my absence?

No one is implying this is a simple process and I don't sense any judgement here. It's true she didn't ask "what should I do about this?"

Perhaps the OP could clarify whether why she's asking about legal consequences of leaving her mom alone. I think we all gave advice assuming she was looking for tips on how to get respite. Then it turned into a discussion of abuse/neglect.

I could not do what you are doing, I'd have a nervous breakdown and be ruined financially if I could not work.. I'm not sure what all the options are but I hope you look into them.
If your mom was thinking straight would she want you to wear yourself out and be under all this stress?
Best of luck.

moms2nddaughter, I am facing this same situation now, so know what you are talking about. I looked for respite facilities that could take my mother for a few days. My mother said no, she wouldn't go. I then said we could get someone to come in to help with the medicine and house. She said no. She didn't want anyone to come to the house. So what to do...

I thought about it this evening and remembered that I have a niece who is expecting. They don't have much money, so she is working at a waitress job. I don't think she will be able to do that much longer, because she is getting a bit heavy about the middle. :) But they will still need money. This could be good for all of us -- a win, win, win. My niece would get money, my mother would get to spend some time with her granddaughter, and I would get a break.

Sometimes there are possible solutions out there. We just don't think of them at first. Maybe there is someone, Moms2nd, that your mother will enjoy having come in to give you respite. (And if not, it's back to persuading and insisting.)

I will tell you for free what an excellent psychologist told me: "You ask permission too much." At every suggestion, every change, I got negative feedback from Mom and it had me tied up in knots, not knowing what to do.

It's not just your mother's memory that is the problem, it's her judgment, her ability to evaluate a situation and make a reasonable decision. You have to do that for her now, and that includes deciding when she needs to go somewhere else so you can get a break. Take her to your sister's "for a visit"; you don't have to specify the length, but a short trip the first time (say a weekend) especially if your sister doesn't truly know what she is getting into. Your mother can sleep in someone else's bed for a couple of nights: you have been sleeping in someone else's bed for years now. Your turn for some time off. Please remember, she cannot judge your needs anymore. Just as you make the decisions for her care, you must also make the decisions for your care.

I feel your pain! I'm actually to post my situation, just to get it off my back - to vent. I'm so totally exhausted, and am facing the possibility of my Mom coming home from a rehab facility soon - she's 95 and feel 3 months, breaking her rt hip and rt wrist. I need some time for a life of my own... Maybe I'm just selfish.

PBRyter, the thing is that we can't make people do anything they don't want to do unless we have guardianship. We can insist and persuade, but we can't drag them out the door to go somewhere else or make them open the door when it is time for someone to come in. We can't make them not tell the worker to go home and get out of their house. We don't have that kind of power.

What we can do is look for a solution that is acceptable. When there is no solution, a caregiver can get trapped by the care receiver saying no, no, no to all possible means of respite. I sometimes read that we can do this or that, but these proposed solutions are thinking of the care receiver as an object that can be moved at will. The truth is that legally we can't make them do anything they don't want to do unless they are legally incompetent and we have the authority.

It is not feasible for your mother to live alone. You should remedy that stat.

My mom had MCI (pre-dementia/& still competent) and she didn't take good care of herself which resulted in a major UTI which in turn caused delirium. It was so bad it looked like she had a psychotic break! She was completely paranoid and refused to go to the hospital - pushing me out of the door from her apartment. I had to call the EMTs who in turn called the police - together they transported her against her will to the hospital. It's an upsetting scene that I will never forget.

She was treated with antibiotics and soon returned to her normal reasonable self, went to rehab and then back home where she lived independently for another 3 years!

Sometimes we have to make tough decisions for those in our care but it's for the best. We are all here for you!

While a simple poa technically does not give the authority to act against the wishes of those in our care it seems in reality many are willing to accept it as such. If one is truly desperate to get out from under the burden of caregiving and can trick or bully their charge into moving to a facility most would not be capable of fighting it. Staff are used to discounting complaints that residents don't want to be there , they know all too well that those with cognitive decline aren't always rational. Unless the person has a strong enough personality to actually call a lawyer and revoke the poa (thus proving themselves competent) or if they have allies who will act on their behalf (essentially shifting the burden of care to them) it would be a done deal. In any case the caregiver would be free of the responsibility of care. It might tear the family apart, but that is a price many are willing to pay.

After two years of that treatment I'm impressed that you can type, let alone think. Boy! - do you need a break.

But the question is how you get one. And I imagine that you know full well that just voting with your feet and leaving your mother alone, even if it is at her request, would be dangerous and irresponsible. Doesn't matter whether you could be legally liable or not, you know it's out of the question.

Get help. The place to start is with establishing the extent of your mother's mental capacity (or lack of it, that is). If you can't get her to a doctor for a formal evaluation, call your local social or mental health services and get someone to come to your home to evaluate her living conditions, which would take into account her own mental condition because they would need to assess what level of support she needs.

Once you've got professional back up, you'll also have a clearer picture for yourself of what safeguards need to be put in place and what services you'd need to call in to leave her safely alone.

I'm sorry - I know it sounds as if I'm just giving you more work to do. But this exercise will be worth it in the end, because it will connect you with the people who can give you practical help.

Speaking of which, while your sister's offer is better than nothing, just, is your sister aware of what you're dealing with, really? And what about your ?brother/?step-brother? What input are you getting from the wider family?

One thing we did with my MIL - once we realized how badly her cognitive abilities were declining - was take her to a neurosurgeon for a fomal diagnosis. Having that formal diagnosis of "moderate dementia" (which has since gotten worse) has been a big help in my husband's ability to accept that his mother canNOT make decisions for herself - or for us. We are the only "adults" here with that capacity.

A quick example: for the last 3-4 months my MIL has refused to leave the house. She really needed a trip to the hairdresser. She refused to go to the 1st appt I made and I had to cancel it. I realized that she has high anxiety - so this time I made the appt and (with my husband's support) didn't tell her until 2 hours before we had to leave. When she questioned it, he said "Don't you remember? You asked her to make the appt last week." Of course, she cuoldn't agree to "not remembering" so she got ready and then it was time to go.

NOW she says she shuoldn't have let herself go andf she wants to go back every 2-3 weeks.The whole time she was there she talked about what a good time she was having. LOL. The trick for us was realizing how high her anxiety levels are (even though she's on Zoloft - I think she's ready for a bigger dose) and then dealing wit that by not giving her much time to worry herself to death about leaving the house. And now my husband understands better, too, how to handle her "resistance". She's a toddler with life experience - as someone else said here! Would you ask your toddler if they wanted to go get their hair cut? NO - you'd just do it. We acted very matter-of-fact about it, and made it clear just from oursattitude that it was going to happen.

You are very fortunate you have a sibling offering help. Take advantage of the offer ASAP for your own mental health.
From my experience with my own mom - DO NOT discuss the stay with your mom. Make arrangements with your sister, secretly pack a bag for your mom, tell her you two are taking a drive to your sister's. Visit a bit, then quietly take your leave. Do not give your mom the chance to get worked up. Do this for YOU!
One day I realized I had been no where without taking mom with me for her safety for over two years!

Contact her town's Council on Aging and state that you will be away for a while. They should be able to do well being checks on her.

I just quickly skimmed all the answers and it doesn't look like anyone answered this poster's "yes or no" question. If someone replies yes, in order for me to consider that answer valid, if I were the OP, I would want to the answer to include the legal citation.

As a lawyer, I can understand why no one answered with a definite "yes" or "no". A better answer is "It depends." On what state you are in, what the laws are in that state, what the circumstances are, how much hostility there is in the family to generate litigation, how careful you have been, how difficult the elderly person is. It all depends on a quite number of factors.

I suggested it wasn't feasible for this person to live alone.