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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I worked 20 years in the healthcare field as a PT. I find some questions and answers here rude, & not very caring. It’s soon ME, who needs help at 78. I’m falling a lot.
What is so rude and uncaring? People are burned out trying to take care of a parent who insists no one but family helps them. Elders are living longer and expecting their adult children to forfeit their financial future so their lives don't have to change. The ones who are rude and uncaring are those who require the care.
This forum is totally voluntary to participate in. If you find some questions and answers rude, feel free to stop using the forum or scroll past the questions that bug you.
The vast majority of us are no spring chickens here and we have lots of problems ourselves, yet loved ones expect THEIR needs to take precedence over OURS. Now that's not very caring, is it??
I’m in my mid 50s with heart problems. I mean, what’s your point?
I also know someone who was caring for her parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia and it stressed her out so bad she had a heart attack and died. They survived her and guess where they are now? In a nursing home anyway.
Plenty of caregivers (I believe the stat is 30%) die before the people they are giving care to.
We advocate for caregivers here because it’s a stressful, thankless job that 1) people shouldn’t do by themselves and 2) burn out quickly and easily.
People are living longer, and so many of them expect only family members or even just one certain person to provide their care indefinitely....and in their own home. You mention that you are 78. Up until 6 months ago, it was my 78-year-old mother who was caregiving for HER 98 year-old mother for 4 years because my grandmother refused not only to consider any other care options, but would ONLY let my mother provide her care. This after nearly 10 years of caregiving for my father.
As ADULTS - we need to be considering our future - not just our immediate picture - but what our elder years looks like. We need to PLAN for when we need more care than we can handle ourselves. We need to not lock into ONE option as the only way that we can be taken care of. We need to be open to and understand that other people have lives of their own and are not responsible for providing hands on care to us. As adults we need to stop expecting in particular our adult children to provide our care.
Frankly - none of what I said is rude or uncaring. But because it is direct and not what a lot of people want to hear, it can be interpreted that way if you choose to hear it that way.
But as people are working later and later in life, having children later in life, and people are living longer and longer - its unfair for people to just assume that someone else is going to take care of their later years FOR them.
For some, they have treated their children horribly, been abusive or absent...but STILL expect their children to step in and provide their care for years. The best advice I have heard is that you should NEVER be a caregiver for your abuser.
People have differing opinions certainly. But this is a forum of caregivers, people who have been in the trenches and given up a lot to provide care for loved one, KNOW the battles and the scars, physical and mental that come with caregiving. So absolutely we are probably going to be pretty adamant that people REALLY consider becoming caregivers without full thought as to what is being asked of them.
The number of people that come here "I don't understand why you wouldn't do everything you could to keep your parent home, they don't want to go to a SNF". Well sure. But so often those same people come back months later - after all of the advice not to do it....and are BEGGING for help to get OUT of caregiving. Because now they have given up their jobs, their livelihood, their future, suffered problems with their marriage, their kids are acting out and their loved one REFUSES to consider doing anything to take the pressure off of them....because they have what they want.
Foresight....is usually blind. Hindsight is 20/20 or better.
I'm in my mid 60s with health problems that my 89 year old mother doesn't have. I am taking notes and making plans from comments throughout this forum. I want to make things easier for my children, unlike my demanding, critical mother who drove everyone up a wall and enjoyed it. Half the time she doesn't even know me - 100% of the time she doesn't know where she's at or that her own parents are dead. Most of the people here are venting after they've done their best for years for their parents. Mom criticizes my caregiving even though she can't even toilet herself. So I'd ignore the rude answers and glean what you can as far as strategies - like if you're going to stay in your home as long as possible, get rid of some of the fall risks. If you have stairs, look into getting a stair lift. You can still start exercising to build up muscles so that if you fall you can get back up. Make sure you are staying social by joining senior or church groups even if you might not feel like it, because it's a burden to your loved ones if they have to become your only social/emotional/recreational support. I'm hoping that if I keep up on my end of taking care of myself, then my children won't resent me as much. I'm currently in the process of widening the doors in my bathrooms. Next will be pulling up the carpet for a floor more suitable for "wheels". I currently have no mobility issues but I know that can or more probably *will* change.
As with the general population all over the world you will ALWAYS find some that are rude and uncaring. Personally I find that many of the questions are from concerned caregivers or from those that are trying to plan for their future. As to the answers, again you get answers from the same population so a mix of kind and helpful and some not so much. Anyone asking a question on ANY form of "Social Media" should anticipate a mix of answers and accept what they want, reject what they don't want.
If you find "us" a bit rough you have to figure that many of us will not hold back when a topic is or can be a touchy one.
When I answer a question here, I only have a short time and a few words to grab your attention and make the point. This helps YOU. Not me - you! I'm a volunteer on this site and also caring for a husband with stage 7 dementia. What I've learned can help you, so I freely give my (very limited) time to do that by posting here.
I'm a caregiver for family members times 4. What I've learned is useful. If I see someone about to make a big mistake that will change their life for the worse forever, I don't say, "Sweetie pie, I do declare that your idea of taking mommsie and daddsie and their 3 incontinent poodles into your lovely home so you can clean up their poop and sacrifice your social life is a terrible idea." You're more likely to get, "Okay. Your parents are insufferably inconsiderate, should have saved for their old age, and do not do this because you will regret it big time!"
And I mean it.
Hang around. You'll learn a lot, some of it brutal because caregiving is. We're not rude. We're realistic.
Spiffy, I am 62, been caring PT for my mom for 6 years.
Long story short, I am the scapegoat in my family, my brother is the Golden child, to a mom that's has been pretty much my bully. All I wanted was the best for her, in the end I was a mental disaster. I had given up on life, no joy , no care if I lived or died. Because of this forum, I have had an amazing year, spent much quality time with my husband. This is why I do what I do, too help others, not get into the position I was in, and give them courage to change their life.
I'm sorry if you find us harsh, but so many of us have been through so much here.
I'm also adding, I was a companion care worker for 5 years , this is nothing compared to working, for strangers. I got so close the the ones I cared for. Id probably work 40 hours a week to pay for mom to get 20 hours of care. It would be easier anyways.
I am so sorry you feel that way, but really? How long have you been reading Forum, Spiffy? I just went through three pages here of the most amazing variety of questions and answers. I love the Forum and have been on it since I came here desperate for help 6 years ago. And I find, over that six years, such a variety of information and attitude.
I'm sorry this isn't the right site for you. I hope you will keep exploring and will find just the right supportive group for yourself. There are so many out there.
I understand "being there". I am 82 and dealing with my second bout of surviving (or not, hee hee) cancer. My partner is 84 and had one heck of a stroke last October, which was completely reversed with clot busters; we were lucky to be minutes from one of the best stroke centers on the west coast.
Wish you luck and happy searching. Facebook is full of groups to explore. Stay well as you are able; everything else can be handled when you have your health.
When your on a forum you take the good with the bad. We are lucky that we have RNs and aides on this forum, even owners of care agencies. All of who also have cared for LOs. Yes, we have members that tell it like it is. But thats life. Different personalities. Take what you can and disregard the others.As a PT, you could be very helpful to us in answering questions asked.
Your falling, you need to find out the cause. Have you discussed this with your Doctor? Are you using a walker? Have bars in your tub/shower?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The vast majority of us are no spring chickens here and we have lots of problems ourselves, yet loved ones expect THEIR needs to take precedence over OURS. Now that's not very caring, is it??
I also know someone who was caring for her parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia and it stressed her out so bad she had a heart attack and died. They survived her and guess where they are now? In a nursing home anyway.
Plenty of caregivers (I believe the stat is 30%) die before the people they are giving care to.
We advocate for caregivers here because it’s a stressful, thankless job that 1) people shouldn’t do by themselves and 2) burn out quickly and easily.
So, again, what exactly is your point?
As ADULTS - we need to be considering our future - not just our immediate picture - but what our elder years looks like. We need to PLAN for when we need more care than we can handle ourselves. We need to not lock into ONE option as the only way that we can be taken care of. We need to be open to and understand that other people have lives of their own and are not responsible for providing hands on care to us. As adults we need to stop expecting in particular our adult children to provide our care.
Frankly - none of what I said is rude or uncaring. But because it is direct and not what a lot of people want to hear, it can be interpreted that way if you choose to hear it that way.
But as people are working later and later in life, having children later in life, and people are living longer and longer - its unfair for people to just assume that someone else is going to take care of their later years FOR them.
For some, they have treated their children horribly, been abusive or absent...but STILL expect their children to step in and provide their care for years. The best advice I have heard is that you should NEVER be a caregiver for your abuser.
People have differing opinions certainly. But this is a forum of caregivers, people who have been in the trenches and given up a lot to provide care for loved one, KNOW the battles and the scars, physical and mental that come with caregiving. So absolutely we are probably going to be pretty adamant that people REALLY consider becoming caregivers without full thought as to what is being asked of them.
The number of people that come here "I don't understand why you wouldn't do everything you could to keep your parent home, they don't want to go to a SNF". Well sure. But so often those same people come back months later - after all of the advice not to do it....and are BEGGING for help to get OUT of caregiving. Because now they have given up their jobs, their livelihood, their future, suffered problems with their marriage, their kids are acting out and their loved one REFUSES to consider doing anything to take the pressure off of them....because they have what they want.
Foresight....is usually blind. Hindsight is 20/20 or better.
So I'd ignore the rude answers and glean what you can as far as strategies - like if you're going to stay in your home as long as possible, get rid of some of the fall risks. If you have stairs, look into getting a stair lift. You can still start exercising to build up muscles so that if you fall you can get back up. Make sure you are staying social by joining senior or church groups even if you might not feel like it, because it's a burden to your loved ones if they have to become your only social/emotional/recreational support. I'm hoping that if I keep up on my end of taking care of myself, then my children won't resent me as much. I'm currently in the process of widening the doors in my bathrooms. Next will be pulling up the carpet for a floor more suitable for "wheels". I currently have no mobility issues but I know that can or more probably *will* change.
Personally I find that many of the questions are from concerned caregivers or from those that are trying to plan for their future.
As to the answers, again you get answers from the same population so a mix of kind and helpful and some not so much.
Anyone asking a question on ANY form of "Social Media" should anticipate a mix of answers and accept what they want, reject what they don't want.
If you find "us" a bit rough you have to figure that many of us will not hold back when a topic is or can be a touchy one.
I'm a caregiver for family members times 4. What I've learned is useful. If I see someone about to make a big mistake that will change their life for the worse forever, I don't say, "Sweetie pie, I do declare that your idea of taking mommsie and daddsie and their 3 incontinent poodles into your lovely home so you can clean up their poop and sacrifice your social life is a terrible idea." You're more likely to get, "Okay. Your parents are insufferably inconsiderate, should have saved for their old age, and do not do this because you will regret it big time!"
And I mean it.
Hang around. You'll learn a lot, some of it brutal because caregiving is. We're not rude. We're realistic.
I hope you find the help you need.
Long story short, I am the scapegoat in my family, my brother is the Golden child, to a mom that's has been pretty much my bully. All I wanted was the best for her, in the end I was a mental disaster. I had given up on life, no joy , no care if I lived or died. Because of this forum, I have had an amazing year, spent much quality time with my husband.
This is why I do what I do, too help others, not get into the position I was in, and give them courage to change their life.
I'm sorry if you find us harsh, but so many of us have been through so much here.
I'm also adding, I was a companion care worker for 5 years , this is nothing compared to working, for strangers. I got so close the the ones I cared for. Id probably work 40 hours a week to pay for mom to get 20 hours of care. It would be easier anyways.
I'm sorry this isn't the right site for you.
I hope you will keep exploring and will find just the right supportive group for yourself.
There are so many out there.
I understand "being there". I am 82 and dealing with my second bout of surviving (or not, hee hee) cancer. My partner is 84 and had one heck of a stroke last October, which was completely reversed with clot busters; we were lucky to be minutes from one of the best stroke centers on the west coast.
Wish you luck and happy searching. Facebook is full of groups to explore.
Stay well as you are able; everything else can be handled when you have your health.
Your falling, you need to find out the cause. Have you discussed this with your Doctor? Are you using a walker? Have bars in your tub/shower?
Do you have family who can help you.