Health care predicament about the need to make decisions for my elderly father. Any advice?

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I am my elderly father's healthcare proxy. He is now in a nursing home on the memory care unit. This happened two months ago. He has been diagnosed with advance stage Alzheimer's and is deemed incompetent. My stepmother refuses to cooperate with the Medicaid application by not providing the needed financial information/documents. She will not pay any of his medical bills either. His Social Security check is going into their joint checking account, I do not have financial POA and do not wish to become his conservator due to the inability to access his assets. Adult Protective Services is involved. My predicament is being able to make medical decisions knowing the bills will not be paid for any medical treatment not covered by Medicare. My stepmother is refusing to pay the nursing home bill that was given to her. Without payment the nursing home will give a 30 day notice of eviction. No other nursing home would take him and my stepmother will not allow him back home. There is joint ownership of the home. Does anyone have experience in this situation that can offer me advice or reassurance that I am not responsible for his medical bills or be held legally liable for not providing for my father a place to live. He needs 24/7 care which no one would be able to provide or could afford? Should I resign from the Healthcare Proxy? There is a contingent, but if I resign she will resign also.

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If your dad becomes ward of the state, won't the state be able to deal with stepmother to straighten out financial affairs? I don't see this being resolved without government interference in sorting out assets. And the sooner the better. Sometimes interfering government is a great thing IMO.
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Reply to rovana
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BarbBrooklyn, that will probably happen if it comes down to my father getting an eviction notice. I don't want to because the nursing home he is in is not the nicest and I wanted to move him closer to me when he qualified for medicaid. The only reason I picked the current nursing home was because it was closer to my stepmother and the only one available in short notice. If he is evicted from this nursing home I fear the next placement.
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Reply to Labs4me
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If you're not going to talk to an eldercare attorney ( who can help you get a court order for dad's medical bills to be paid, I'll warrant), speak to the social worker, administrator and business office at the NH, all together in one room. Tell them that there are assets and SS income that you have no access to and that you are stepping away to allow your father to become a ward of the state.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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My stepmother refuses to pay my father's medical bills because they are not her bills. She is an oddball with the perception what yours is mine and mine is mine except for debts. I would not even consider guardianship as long as my stepmother is in the picture. I do not have the time or the money to pursue this in court. I would be up against to many roadblocks trying to handle my father's financial needs. My stepmother does not have financial proxy. My father and stepmother never bothered to put their affairs in order. not even a will. I thought about comtactong my stepmother's children, but they will not have anything to do with her. She burned her bridges years ago in respect to having any relationship with her three boys.
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Reply to Labs4me
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Don't resign your healthcare POA. The POA is not personally responsible for any care bills. Do make sure you do not sign any documents the nursing home presents which include a pledge that you will take responsibility for your father's bills.

The home cannot be accessed (sold, mortgaged) for nursing home payment while your step-mother still lives in it. Your father's SS can be directed to the nursing home by a guardian. I encourage you to see an elder law attorney and reconsider becoming your father's guardian. As the guardian you can access any financial records your father could. During the guardian process, a guardian-at-litum will be appointed that can also access those records and with the court's permission access your father's funds to pay his bills.
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Reply to TNtechie
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If you don't mind, could you explain why your mother refuses to cooperate? If their assets are held jointly, unless she's proxy under a financial POA or DPOA, I don't understand how she get refuse to provide at least his share of the assets for his care.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Sorry, hopefully someone else has been in the same predicament.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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