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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I dont want to change her medicine again . I don’t want her to be catatonic but I feel do horrible after. Watching those videos on line make it look easy but it doesn’t show it the person is unwilling to get changed
I have changed medicine. For the most part it’s when I change her earlier in the morning. With the medication it’s helping I think I might just wait a Little bit longer later to change her. I’ve been doing it around 3 am .I might wait until 5. She is in the last of Alzheimer’s
Lol! All the videos and commercials which represent dementia patients make it look so serene and easy! When the patient's brain is not operating normally, they can display some very challenging behaviors!
My husband (post-stroke, with TBI) has been in diapers for 10 years. Sometimes he kind of cooperates, or at least he tries, but even then, he doesn't quite understand the process. His anxiety and impatience causes him to interfere, and to turn the wrong way, and he yells for help throughout! He finds it very intrusive and stressful. Yes, I've been doing this for 10 years with a non-cooperative patient. Sometimes I lose my cool and yell. Sometimes I cry - like when he grabs a poop soiled wipe and throws it against the wall, and I watch it slowly peel from the wall and fall to the floor while I am finishing cleaning him up. Like I say, he kind of tries to cooperate. Or at least, he thinks he is. It is hard. The only thing I can recommend is to calmly tell your patient every step what you are doing, and what you need from them in terms of cooperation. If you need her to roll away from you, and she rolls toward you, simply re-instruct; "no, the other way" "Face the wall". "Now, turn back, we're going to pull the brief up between your legs and fasten, then we'll be all done!" "Almost done!" Make sure she is comfortable - using warm water or a wipe warmer; being gentle (as possible) I know I try and be gentle, but fighting my strong husband I'm sure makes the whole process not as gentle as either of us would like! He gets anxious and puts his hands in the way, trying to feel, or trying to "help". I gently remind him to let me handle it, and to hold on to the bed rail.
It sounds like you are having a few problems, Deb, unless I am wrong. This may not be just a matter of changing? If it is, then it is more simple to address with just timing, talking, diverting attention and so on.
But unless I am wrong you are having ongoing problems now with care, and have in fact already spoken with doctor and tried some medications. You find now that the only way to care for mom safely and without struggle is medication which you find makes her almost catatonic. So I am guessing you are dealing with the late stages of dementia.
We often get these questions. When we suggest that realistically this type of care 24/7 for one person is not sustainable we are often told that placing the person in care is not an option, and our advice is pretty quickly kicked to the curb. But the truth is that it isn't sustainable and now requires several shifts with several workers on each to manage safe and responsible care. If that answer isn't considered, then really there is no fix for some situations.
I am so sorry. It sounds like the care is becoming overwhelming, and that is eventually always the case. I wish you the best. If you don't want to try other medications I think you are down to all the tricks I know you are already trying, and I can only wish you the very best of luck. I hope others have more brilliant advice than I do, and you find an answer.
Nothing is "normal" when dealing with a person with dementia. Are you using the pull-up kind of "briefs" with your mom as those you can either just pull down and take off or you can even just rip them at their side seams to remove? And with the pull-up type you can have mom sit on the toilet or bedside commode while you pull/rip them off to change her and then put on a clean one. I used Depends when my late husband was still mobile, but did convert to the tab type "briefs" when he became bedridden. And if this gets too hard/stressful for you, it may be time to look into getting your mom placed in a memory care facility.
If medication is making someone catatonic, then they are not on the right meds in the right dosage or combo of medications. Please consider this as something to check into if you aren't ready to transition her into faciliity care. Or, consider hiring a daily companion aid to help with hygiene, and give you a break.
Yes, it’s a common dementia behavior. It’s a major reason why it becomes impossible to care for them at home. A facility has multiple trained caregivers to change a resident’s briefs, and it’s time for you to start gathering information so you’ll know where you want to place mom when you can’t stand it anymore.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When the patient's brain is not operating normally, they can display some very challenging behaviors!
My husband (post-stroke, with TBI) has been in diapers for 10 years. Sometimes he kind of cooperates, or at least he tries, but even then, he doesn't quite understand the process. His anxiety and impatience causes him to interfere, and to turn the wrong way, and he yells for help throughout! He finds it very intrusive and stressful. Yes, I've been doing this for 10 years with a non-cooperative patient. Sometimes I lose my cool and yell. Sometimes I cry - like when he grabs a poop soiled wipe and throws it against the wall, and I watch it slowly peel from the wall and fall to the floor while I am finishing cleaning him up. Like I say, he kind of tries to cooperate. Or at least, he thinks he is.
It is hard. The only thing I can recommend is to calmly tell your patient every step what you are doing, and what you need from them in terms of cooperation. If you need her to roll away from you, and she rolls toward you, simply re-instruct; "no, the other way" "Face the wall". "Now, turn back, we're going to pull the brief up between your legs and fasten, then we'll be all done!" "Almost done!" Make sure she is comfortable - using warm water or a wipe warmer; being gentle (as possible) I know I try and be gentle, but fighting my strong husband I'm sure makes the whole process not as gentle as either of us would like! He gets anxious and puts his hands in the way, trying to feel, or trying to "help". I gently remind him to let me handle it, and to hold on to the bed rail.
But unless I am wrong you are having ongoing problems now with care, and have in fact already spoken with doctor and tried some medications. You find now that the only way to care for mom safely and without struggle is medication which you find makes her almost catatonic. So I am guessing you are dealing with the late stages of dementia.
We often get these questions. When we suggest that realistically this type of care 24/7 for one person is not sustainable we are often told that placing the person in care is not an option, and our advice is pretty quickly kicked to the curb. But the truth is that it isn't sustainable and now requires several shifts with several workers on each to manage safe and responsible care. If that answer isn't considered, then really there is no fix for some situations.
I am so sorry. It sounds like the care is becoming overwhelming, and that is eventually always the case. I wish you the best. If you don't want to try other medications I think you are down to all the tricks I know you are already trying, and I can only wish you the very best of luck. I hope others have more brilliant advice than I do, and you find an answer.
Are you using the pull-up kind of "briefs" with your mom as those you can either just pull down and take off or you can even just rip them at their side seams to remove?
And with the pull-up type you can have mom sit on the toilet or bedside commode while you pull/rip them off to change her and then put on a clean one.
I used Depends when my late husband was still mobile, but did convert to the tab type "briefs" when he became bedridden.
And if this gets too hard/stressful for you, it may be time to look into getting your mom placed in a memory care facility.