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i am a only child taking care of my 87 yr. old mother with a lot of problems. how can i have more patience with her? she's hard of hearing which makes it worst. she's sad most of the time.

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Dear Moonbeam ~ It is hard - very hard. Nobody except the one who is there knows how hard... That being said, try this. Your mom has already been through your shoes - you have never stepped in hers. I know that is alot, but sometimes when we try to remember things from our elderly parents point of view it makes it easier. I try to think about when my Dad (now 86) was trying to teach me something and he would try very hard not to lose his patience (like driving a car ;) Sometimes you need to walk away for a few seconds, or change the subject, or find something funny to make yourself and your mom laugh. My dad is nearly deaf (and refuses to wear his hearing aids). I find myself constantly repeating myself or yelling so that he can hear me. What I have learned to do is to reduce the loudness in my voice - I will touch my dad to get his attention and then if he didn't understand me or hear me (sometimes there is no difference here) I will say it in a different way. Don't go down that road... when they are not here.... and how you will put yourself through guilt. You don't need that and she doesn't deserve or want your pity. She wants your love and respect. Above all else, remember that. Our parents may be older now, but they still deserve our respect. Talk to your mom like you would a stranger. Be kind. Be deliberate when talking with her. Talk slow or touch her to get her attention. and be patient with yourself as well. Good luck!
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Dear moonbeam, I know exactly how you feel. It is so hard to have patience when they become difficult. This will not last forever, and you will feel bad when she is gone, that you did not show more compassion. I know, I do, after losing my dad just two weeks ago. But I did the best I could, and he now knows this. Just try the best you can, that is all you can do, you are only human too. And remember to be good to yourself as well. God bless you!
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