Help, I want to scream and I'm having an anxiety attack. Does my mom really want to die or not?

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My mom has mixed dementia and type 1 diabetes. She has been to the ER 3 times and on her second hospital stay in June alone. She has been refusing food, liquids and her meds for days. They can not get her BS (blood sugar) in control extremes of 700 to 17. Yesterday, it was decided she was going to go to Hospice. She really seemed to understand and clearly spoke that she wanted to die. Today, I arrive thinking I am signing the paperwork and she will be transferred to a Hospice care center. She is up out of bed watching TV eating breakfast and taking her meds. Even was willing to work with PT. Is this all a show? She keeps asking to leave and go home but her sugar is in the 400s. She eat half her lunch and seems to be getting angry that she is still here, yelled at nurse giving her an insulin shot. I am waiting for the palliative care doctor to get her to discuss what is going on.


I feel this might be a show, as she thinks they are letting her go home to die not hospice. That is not possible as she has been living in an ALF and her care at this point is to much for them to handle even with hospice coming in. Anyone have a clue, this is driving me crazy.

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So sorry for your loss, Tattoochick. Mom's rough ride is over. Be good to yourself.
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Tattoo! You did so well by her.
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(((((Hugs))))) and deepest sympathies, tattoo. Her battle is over. I am so glad it ended peacefully. You did a great job looking after her. Time to take care of you now.
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Condolences, Tattoochick. Is this bittersweet, as it is for so many caregivers? Grateful that Mom is no longer suffering, and, of course, missing her. You can feel good that you did all you could to ensure her comfort.
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Mom passed away on Wednesday evening, she went peacefully.
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tattoo - I suspect you are right about your mum being further on than they realize. I think the next week will see her more clearly in one direction or the other - probably as you think. I am glad your bro is there.. You staying away so she can re-qualify for hospice is a good idea. Take care of you too. This is such an emotional roller coaster ride.
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Yes, the wound care dr has been there everyday checking it. It does not look any different. He said the sample showed the infection came from the skin, meaning not from inside the foot but outside. Like she could have picked it up from somewhere else and not caused by the ulcer. They did want to do an MRI of her foot, however probably did not mention this lately she has a morphine pain pump, implanted for a disc problem. So she can not have an MRI (giant magnet would be bad). They tried a CT scan of the foot but she would not keep her foot still and up in order for the image to be clear.

The pump is working and not an issue at this time.
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I have a question ?

Did they take a sample from her foot ulcer? Podiatrist didn't for my dad... for 2 1/2 months he tried 3 diff antibiotics)...finally went to a dermatologist..he took a simple swab...his infection was resistant to all three antibiotics...finally got better on a different one 2 mo later plus more proper care
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@Sunnygirl1 - yes she does have dementia and has been on physic med for depression, however she is hit are miss with taking them regularly. This behavior of only taking meds when she wants as been going on for years. Even at the ALF when they crush them she would either still refuse or spit out the applesauce / pudding or whatever they tried to hide them in. That problem can't be fixed.

I honestly feel the years of abuse she has put on her body is taking a toll. She has never eaten correctly and there have always been multi visits to ERs and hospital (I remember them as a child). It would only be an overnight stay or just a few hours as her body adjusted back. It just doesn't anymore. Add in the dementia and that behavior of not wanting to do what she should is worse (her form of control I think) and now her body shutting, she just doesn't want to eat (normal as dementia progresses, right?)

I think yesterday was a weird rally day and she felt good and thought she should be allowed to leave and as the day the went on it was making her angry not to be allowed to. I mean I have seen other patients at her ALF (she is in the memory care unit) get angry and agitated because they were not being allowed to leave.

I just think she is in a later stage they the doctors and I realize, but her body does and it is trying to let her go.
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Hi, Saturday. Picked up brother from airport brought him to see mom.
They did give her a sedative yesterday. Sometime in the night she keep trying to get out of bed to leave. The had to restrain her. She did take her meds this morning.

Total opposite of yesterday. She just wanted to sleep, only eat a few bites. Like that all day. They said she did have a sedative in the morning but it was not that strong. Her sugars where 120 at lunch and dropped to 44 by 4pm.

She has had an ulcer on her foot for about two months, we had been making bio-weekly visits to a wound care dr. Everyone said it was stable, in the wound care dr here at the hospital seemed to thing it was superficial. They think that might be the infect however. They have been treating it with IV antibiotics. Her white cell cut has improved.

They did do an CT scan of her head and compared it to the last one done in September 2016. The doctor said there is definitely more shrinkage and now fluid around the brain. This is most likely causing the behavior issues. However, this is not a diagnose that qualifies you for hospice. She would have to go to a neurosurgeon and go through a surgery to treat and if it did not help then that diagnose would qualify her. Crazy right, because how could I put her through that.

From what I understand her behavior is worse when I am not around, the small amounts she does eat are usually only when I am there. I might have to spend less time there, just to get her re-qualified for hospice care.

Happened to see palliative care doctor in lounge area, and told him. He said he would review chart again. She should at least be on palliative care if not hospice.

Home now, another day tomorrow. Mostly like just going later in the day and let my brother sit with her.
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