Sounds like you've signed up for a nightmare, frankly, between the alcoholism and his 'kids' accusing you of all kinds of dastardly deeds.
First, the food issue: not eating meat is the least of DHs problems. He's not going to get malnutrition from eating soup, noodles and mashed potatoes. He will, however, poison his body by continuing to drink to excess, not to mention he can easily bring on alcohol induced dementia which will be another GIANT problem for YOU to deal with.
Get a lawyer TODAY to find out what YOUR rights are. DH may be your best friend and your husband, but sometimes love is not enough. Especially when you're facing THESE kinds of obstacles in your later years in life. DHs kiddies can take care of him if they're so worried and concerned about him!!!! Tell them to come pick his arse up IMMEDIATELY and the problems are officially over with. Why do I think they won't buy into that program?
Call a lawyer #1 and get to Al Anon meetings #2, so you can understand how you're being manipulated as a care giver and wife of an alcoholic who won't stop drinking.
Wishing you the VERY BEST OF LUCK moving forward. Please take care of YOU, ok?
Yes, you need a lawyer. If money is a problem call ur County Office of Aging and ask for a number for Legal aid. At this point you may want to do a consult only.
Would husband be considered competent to make his own decisions? If so, not much the children can do. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. He can spend his money the way he wants. Seems you have been there for him when no one else was.
Unless his kids have loads of money they may not be able to pay the cost of a lawyer. So its reporting the suspected abuse to Adult Protection Services. They will investigate and if they see nothing out of the norm, the case will be closed. They maybe able to help you with some resources.
I agree, maybe it hurts him to chew. A trip to a dentist may help. His diet seems OK to me for now.
Thank you for the detail in your profile. It sounds like you have a great deal going on with his kids too.
You have been a couple for 5 years, but only married earlier this year.
Is the limited diet a new thing or has it been for most your 5 years together? You have already been offered possible reasons for his choice of soft foods. I just wanted to reassure you that seniors often develop strange and limited diets, but live for years in them.
In my family my ex’s Granny lived on Campbell’s Cheddar Cheese soup for 35 years. She choked on a piece of meat when she was a young woman and never ate another bite of it.
Uncle Butch ate hot dogs for lunch and dinner for 25 years. I cannot remember what started that and it could very well have gone on much longer than that.
Now the alcoholism. Unfortunately I have first hand experience from a relationship with one and a late family member who was one. Al Anon is a good starting point. If he was drinking when you met, you need to think about what you saw in him that had you look past the drinking and decide he was a suitable partner. You may need therapy to come to terms with this beyond what Al Anon offers. I know I did.
His kids sound like they are a another problem. I am curious, how did the two of you meet and is there a significant age gap between the two of you?
Did the calls to APS only start after the wedding? If yes, they maybe are feeling their inheritance is being threatened. All you can do is document their actions, record every penny spent, and prepare yourself for the mess when your husband dies.
Lastly how is your husband getting the booze? Is he driving drunk to buy it? Are you buying it? Is he ordering it for delivery? Is there any way you can intercept it? As an alcoholic he cannot go cold turkey, but metered consumption may help.
You should contact your local AA and ask about Al-Anon meetings. You will get much help there. Alcoholics have very little appetite for food. This is common for them. Al-Anon will be a great help to you.
I'm guessing your tears are not because of what he is eating, but because you are tired of putting up with his drinking. Please take care of yourself first by getting some help for yourself. Al-Anon might be a good place to start, along with personal therapy. You cannot change your husband, but you can change yourself, so start there.
As far as him eating only soft foods, sounds like his teeth might be bad, and he just can't chew like he once did. I know in the last several years of my husbands life, he couldn't chew meat any longer, because his teeth were bad (dentist wanted to remove them so he could have dentures, but he refused) so he had to eat only soft foods as well.
Please take care of yourself. You deserve it. God bless you.
Are his teeth bothering him? Is it possible he's not eating meat because its painful to chew? As far as the alcoholism, you can seek out Al-anon in your area. I know its been helpful to some people I know.
First, the food issue: not eating meat is the least of DHs problems. He's not going to get malnutrition from eating soup, noodles and mashed potatoes. He will, however, poison his body by continuing to drink to excess, not to mention he can easily bring on alcohol induced dementia which will be another GIANT problem for YOU to deal with.
Get a lawyer TODAY to find out what YOUR rights are. DH may be your best friend and your husband, but sometimes love is not enough. Especially when you're facing THESE kinds of obstacles in your later years in life. DHs kiddies can take care of him if they're so worried and concerned about him!!!! Tell them to come pick his arse up IMMEDIATELY and the problems are officially over with. Why do I think they won't buy into that program?
Call a lawyer #1 and get to Al Anon meetings #2, so you can understand how you're being manipulated as a care giver and wife of an alcoholic who won't stop drinking.
Wishing you the VERY BEST OF LUCK moving forward. Please take care of YOU, ok?
Would husband be considered competent to make his own decisions? If so, not much the children can do. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. He can spend his money the way he wants. Seems you have been there for him when no one else was.
Unless his kids have loads of money they may not be able to pay the cost of a lawyer. So its reporting the suspected abuse to Adult Protection Services. They will investigate and if they see nothing out of the norm, the case will be closed. They maybe able to help you with some resources.
I agree, maybe it hurts him to chew. A trip to a dentist may help. His diet seems OK to me for now.
You have been a couple for 5 years, but only married earlier this year.
Is the limited diet a new thing or has it been for most your 5 years together? You have already been offered possible reasons for his choice of soft foods. I just wanted to reassure you that seniors often develop strange and limited diets, but live for years in them.
In my family my ex’s Granny lived on Campbell’s Cheddar Cheese soup for 35 years. She choked on a piece of meat when she was a young woman and never ate another bite of it.
Uncle Butch ate hot dogs for lunch and dinner for 25 years. I cannot remember what started that and it could very well have gone on much longer than that.
Now the alcoholism. Unfortunately I have first hand experience from a relationship with one and a late family member who was one. Al Anon is a good starting point. If he was drinking when you met, you need to think about what you saw in him that had you look past the drinking and decide he was a suitable partner. You may need therapy to come to terms with this beyond what Al Anon offers. I know I did.
His kids sound like they are a another problem. I am curious, how did the two of you meet and is there a significant age gap between the two of you?
Did the calls to APS only start after the wedding? If yes, they maybe are feeling their inheritance is being threatened. All you can do is document their actions, record every penny spent, and prepare yourself for the mess when your husband dies.
Lastly how is your husband getting the booze? Is he driving drunk to buy it? Are you buying it? Is he ordering it for delivery? Is there any way you can intercept it? As an alcoholic he cannot go cold turkey, but metered consumption may help.
As far as him eating only soft foods, sounds like his teeth might be bad, and he just can't chew like he once did. I know in the last several years of my husbands life, he couldn't chew meat any longer, because his teeth were bad (dentist wanted to remove them so he could have dentures, but he refused) so he had to eat only soft foods as well.
Please take care of yourself. You deserve it. God bless you.