Have you looked in the mirror lately?

Yes, I was asked many times if I was my sister's daughter. We are 2.5 years apart. My sister's hair is a beautiful white with slivers of gray-has been that way for a few years since she stopped going to the salon to get it done. I have no excuse for my gray hair-i earned every single one. My skin and scalp decided to go extra sensitive a few years back and now I can not use ivory soap or hair color-even the temporary ones make my scalp itch and burn like crazy. I have no choice but to age gracefully.....

Like other poster I was an anxious mess all the time while sis was in community where less help and care for residents was more free time for staff. I finally got her into a new place a few weeks ago. So far off to a good start she actually gained a few pounds after having lost 5 more pounds in the previous 2 weeks before the move to the new place where I got to watch sis do her PT through the window-it was awesome to see her try so hard-she is a trooper under difficult circumstance with dementia and no real together time due to lock down and 3rd move in less than a year. I still worry but sleep better at night. Hubby says I am more like my "old" self now.

You all are so much fun! Most of my friends have moved away and we have to keep up by phone and mail, but I can keep up every day (night, actually) with so many of you on this site, and it sure helps! God bless you guys.....

Good news! The biopsy on the bottom of my foot came back atypical, but the borders were clear. Meaning the dermatologist removed everything bad! Kinda painful to walk because it looks like a cigar burn on the bottom of my foot. Not helpful when I know I need to get my butt up and moving!
Today was my second counseling session. It's amazing how much is coming to light. I wanted to share because it might help some of you.
Being the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I have become an overpleaser! This means I put constant pressure on myself to do everything perfectly!
The reality is that when dealing with a narcissist and another LO with dementia, perfection is literally impossible!!
It's hard work emotionally finding the root of our reactions.
Many of you suggested counseling. I am so grateful for the advice!!
I have begun to find myself again!
I have found my sense of humor again!!
Laughing is the best therapy ever !
Maybe my reflection in the mirror isn't as bad as I think! Maybe I need to change the lens that I have been looking thru!
Food for thought!
Hang in there!! God bless!!

Yes, and it's not the face I know.  I try to not look in the full length mirror any more .. What's happened to my body? bulging here, there, everywhere.  My hair stays in a ponysomething, and any make up seems to have become a why bother thing.  Now that I rarely use mascara, I have gotten good at poking myself in the eye with it .. which coordinates well with all else going on with this new look.

Thank goodness I had just gotten my hair dyed before the Great Lockdown. I am worried for my hairdresser and for the others at the salon. One salon provided enough work to help support 10 families.

I looked in the mirror years ago, and finally admitted to myself that I looked sick. Caregiving for my inlaws and propping them up in their charade of independence had made me sick. I went to my doctor who knew me well. He told me their expectations were unfair, which made me burst into tears. He weighed and examined me, took my blood, etc. A few days later he confirmed that I was indeed very sick. It took me more than a year to recover my health. Stop looking in the mirror or, if you don't like what you see, make changes...or they will be made for you. Make me sick once, shame on you. Make me sick twice, shame on me.

The exact same thing has happened to me while caring for my husband. I look in the mirror and say, "Who is that?" Make-up doesn't cover it up. There's a look of "hurt" in your eyes that doesn't go away. I saw my elder attorney in February of 2019 and didn't see him again until February 2020. I sat down across from him and he said, "You look like hell. You've aged 10 years this last year". I said, "I feel like hell. I've lived 10 years in this last year. And thank you for noticing........every woman wants to hear what you've just said". We laughed. (I worked with him years ago, so he knew me well enough to talk to me like that. He meant it as a joke).

I think it's just one of the extra "perks" of being a caregiver. What can we do about it? Not much. Bless you!

Me too. Stopped looking in the mirror. Then a month later, decided I needed a new look.

I feel guilty for even feeling burnt out! I’ll be 46 yrs old next week and I look terrible...physically I’m okay, I have the strength to take care of her on only 4 hours of sleep a night (but I’m sure that’ll catch up with me soon!).

It’s extremely tough with no help at all, and now with this Coronavirus it’s even more fear & stress! I’m worried about toilet paper running out, as my mom goes to the bathroom...ALOT and everyone is out of stock including Amazon!

I know I chose to do this, leave my office job in the city, and take this on full time, God help me!!! I’m starting to doubt that I’ve made a grave mistake:(

I just cut my mother hair and I must say it looks good. Told her she will not be going to a hairdresser too soon and she was ok with it. She never wanted me to cut her hair in the past. I gave my brother a haircut and it did not come out too good. He will never let me cut his hair again. Cut my hair and boy does it feel good.

Your question brings the lines of a song to mind, I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND WHAT DID I SEE, I SAW THE DEVIL AND HE WAS LOOKING AT ME..
In truth I often used to look in the mirror in my earlier years and feel quiet satisfied, ok' ish ah I'll do kind of thing but when grey hairs began to appear and wrinkles too and now scarcely much hair left, and no teeth, and the horror of It all. No definitely not. Not even at my reflection in a shop window as I hobble past. You see I don't recognise this Stranger any more as He is but a pale shadow of that young Fella I once knew.

Yes... yes ugh yes. Sunday has become my pampering day. Face mask nails the works. I couldn't believe that was me. Now after a few months I actually said I look pretty when I looked at a selfie I took. I do this to see the progress of my retinol and hyaluronic acid mask. Walmart had a green tea mask that tightened my skin in minutes. Ah! It feels so good to just put on some tunes and have me time. Stay positive I know since I began this sunday is my day off thing I feel and look younger. My stress is lower. And heck dress up for fun. Or have a cheat day as I do and enjoy a treat make something tasty! Whatever you do just make sure it's all for you and enjoy!

You can imagine how I feel/look after about 4 years since becoming my now 100-year-old Mom's sole caregiver. I avoid the mirror and, when I see myself, I can't recognize myself. I know that I've aged at least if not more than 10 years.

Thank you for your good wishes.

I absolutely know what you mean. My 93 year old mum moved in with me over 3 years ago and I have aged in mind and body terribly. I've completely lost my mojo and zest for life. I am tired and depressed and my face shows it. My Daughter tells me that since I've looked after my mum she has lost hers. I can't wait for it to end and to get some life back. Good luck. X

NHWM - I do need a haircut so I don't look so tired and aged when I look in the mirror. And yes, I am grateful that both my husband and I can work from home, and I also home school my kids so they don't really miss any core classes. However, all outside extra-curriculum classes are closed till next month. I heard rumors that classes will be closed till summer. Hope not.

Awww, A hairstylist on our local news just said, “You may as well cut off my arm right now. No one is making appointments for a haircut and it is hurting hairstylists financially.”

Then the newscaster asked if anyone could donate gift cards to hairstylists it would help them out. So many people are feeling the hit of losing money.

For anyone able to still work, be grateful. I am grateful my husband is working at home.

No, I don't need to look in the mirror as I know that I am 73 years of age. I got lucky, though, because of my mother's good genes. Most people don't quote my physical age

Best of luck to you.

Yes it is so draining, and I look and feel drained!

Yes! In my experience caregiving can age one like very little else.

Yes I didn’t recognize myself in a store mirror yesterday, so tired and angry looking.

What about wrinkles? I am in my 60’s and don’t have any! I guess it’s genes because mom doesn’t have any in her 90’s. My dad didn’t. My grandma didn’t either. Grandpa did but he was a heavy smoker. Doesn’t smoking cause wrinkles in some people?

God bless you too! My two sisters and I are coming up two yrs in May and it's only getting worse. I hope you have some help like we do, each other and a couple of private caregivers twice a week. Pick up a hobby if you can. It helps to do something creatively to overcome the stress. Best wishes!

Stress and worry will age you. Take a look at Presidents, example: Clinton started graying faster and so did Obama.

I’ve started wearing a wig because my hair is falling out due to stress. The funny thing is that everyone says I look better with it on. It’s like wearing a hat though and I hate it.

My brother-in-law's auntie (very sweet lady, but definitely not a candidate for the diplomatic service) wondered aloud at the Christmas dining table which of us was the elder, me or my sister. She guessed wrong; and my sister is eight years older than I am.

I managed to find it funny because, when you think it through, there was no way that question could not have offended one of us.

Plus, aged before my time or not, I am still prettier than her. Ha!!

[Can't think why she's always hated me...]

I went to see my mother in the nursing home yesterday. We visited through the window with a CNA helping with the conversation (my mom doesn’t talk very loud). It was so good to see her! She enjoyed the visit too. Of course, the first thing she tells me is how beautiful I am. She tells the CNA that I should enter the Miss America contest (I’m over 60!). Only in a mother’s eyes!

Yes, I don’t spend much time looking in the mirror - I’m always surprised by what I see. You see, in my mind, I’m about 15. I sometimes do a double-take when I glimpse myself in a mirror.

I haven't looked at myself in the eyes for some time now. I need to look into the mirror to shave those pesky "goat whiskers," though, LOL, and that's only up to the nose. Spouse has been worsening physically and now mentally for over 20 years and it's taken a toll. Blessings to you!

I didn't comprehend how being a live-in caregiver aged me until my monthly weekend "forced" relaxation with a sister in another state. She took me to a restaurant and she had a waiter take a photo of us. I was horrified.

Looking back, I think how much I had aged in that photo and remember how this was during the "easy time" when my sisters left me alone to care for Mom and they approved of how I was doing it.

Then, all too commonly, my sisters turned into raging narcissists. I have no photos of that time, I'm relieved not to have seen how close I was to dying from the stress.

My oldest son told me a few years ago that taking care of Grandma had made me old. I don't know if he was referring to my appearance or my attitude about life. I realized then how I was stressed at that time and had been for years. I'm better now that she is in assisted living, but she is still on my mind many hours of every day.

New mantra: "Self-care is as important as other-care".

I'm 37. I went from people thinking that I look 20 years old, to people calling me "ma'am"... I have gray hairs on the edges of my hair and no desire to dye it. I probably could look like my old self if I took a few days of total self-care, but I also have no desire to do it.