Have you looked in the mirror lately?

Caregiving for the sick and elderly literally sucks the life out of you.
If you're doing it by yourself, and have no time to rest, renew and replenish, then the result is you're aging and dying prematurely.

JOin the club.. Unfortunately... I only have one left... And it's hard... very hard..

If you don't have them in the same facility... I suggest you do... It makes it a 'ONE STOP SHOP... '

It will take so much pressure off you.. I am the only one..My doctor saw me. and asked what happened.. I said I got them into one place.. Yes, he saw the stress lighten..
Mom and I had same doctor.. I scheduled our appointments together.. MOnday, I went in.. I told him: Mom died last night, but thought I should keep the appointment. He said sorry, she was such a hoot, she must have been fun when she was younger.. I agreed...
I just really looked at my hands.. they are withered. and wrinkly.. Thanks for making me look at my skin!!! UGH UGH UGH!!! No anti wrinkle cream will work on these digits... PLEASE DO NOT LET ME LOOK AT MY FACE AGAIN... MY HAIR!! I don't need to look in the mirror,... I just look at the drain.. :(

I've been dying my hair for years... , I REFUSE TO DYE THE HAIR IN THE DRAIN.. That , I will toss.

I think I remember your previous post. Your mother has been difficult if I remember and your aunt lived further away. I think I recall that your husband was opposed. Please correct me if I am wrong.

I believe that I said that your husband was concerned about you. He may have seen the writing on the wall so to speak. You said your aunt was special if I remember correctly.

Others said to care for her at a distance because it would be too much for you. Your profile says that your aunt is in assisted living. Let them do the bulk of the work! I would have loved for my mom to be in assisted living. She wouldn’t agree to it.

This isn’t to say, I told you so or make you feel badly. Your heart meant well. In reality, it is a never ending job! I did it for 15 years in my home until I burned out. Long story but mom is now with my brother and sister in law.

So, how long do you think you can hang on? Sounds like you are on the edge now. Please don’t wait as long as I did to surrender. Go see a therapist and work this out in your head and heart. We stand behind you. Best wishes to you. 💗

By the way, I love my silver locks. I am 64! I earned every one of my silver hairs. I actually get tons of compliments on my hair.

Caregiving will totally destroy your life.

Yes Caring for Family Member, s consumes you. It alters you in many ways as you age and you can never be the same Person again, though only the few can attempt this task and last the coarse. Please do not try to do it all on your own. Avail of Respite Care and have a relief Carer to split the Shift with otherwise You will risk burn out. I now know that It is foolish to believe you can do It all on your own.

Yes as people are saying, you are never the same person. But please take time for yourself. You have to take care of yourself.

every so often I just say "what the heck" and go and get my hair completely redone,, and maybe a massage.. and it really makes me feel better. Sometimes we just need a break for some "me time"..

I am 78 and do all I can to avoid said mirrors. When my bro first fell ill my anxiety I think showed in the distress in my face. I have been dealing now for a year and several months, and feel better. But I look the same. 78! You just need a good pamper at a spa, I bet. Not much chance of that I imagine. You did give me a giggle.

I am enjoying my jewelry making. I got away from it for awhile when caregiving took over. Now that I no longer have the responsibility of caregiving I have resumed my jewelry making.

I was pleased with my projects before. I wanted to learn a few new techniques. I am fortunate to live near a couple of places that teach the classes that I was interested in.

I was able to expand my knowledge and incorporate what I learned to create new designs. It’s fun!

Anyway, I have sold some of my work. It felt great to be selling a few things again but I have decided to give some pieces away to pamper others.

I am being coached by my millennial daughter that I am out of the loop and working on getting up to speed as far as social media goes. She has informed me that my business cards are out of date and has helped me set up an Instagram page to display my work.

It is therapeutic to create. It’s therapeutic to care for ourselves. When we care for others to the point of neglecting ourselves we are out of balance. God knows that I was in that place for way too long! It is wonderful to get back to discovering myself again.

I also feel it’s therapeutic to create and give some away to others that have neglected themselves.

I looked in the mirror one day and my hair was sticking up and I looked a total mess. My mother said to me she loved my hair and it is beautiful. I laughed and said to her she is the beautiful one. I feel like I have aged quite a bit lately. Too much stress and now this virus to add on to all the stress. Worried about the antibiotics and other meds my mom takes with a possible shortage due to meds being made in China. May not look like an old lady, but certainly feel like one sometimes.

Mirrors sorta scare me. I kinda look like my younger sister...and everyone tells me that she looks 10 years older than I am so what does that make me? 12 years older than I really am?
At this point in my life if someone thought I looked like a "movie star" it would have to be Jabba the Hut .....Ok I am being a bit hard on myself. But if we can't laugh that is a sad situation!
Oh and I have to ask(no response really needed) how come everyone that takes a "selfie" looks good when I try it there is an old lady that keeps getting in the way?

Not only can the stress age the way we look, it can also cause differences when we speak. Even though my folks had passed a couple years ago, I still get people asking me "is everything ok?" when I answer the telephone and speak for a couple of minutes.

My voice has gotten better I think, I don't have that quiver sound quite as much. I was starting to sound like Katherine Hepburn in her later years. And I finally stopped panicking every time the phone rang.... in the past when I saw my parents Caller ID or later on the senior facility ID, I was a total mess.

I'm 37. I went from people thinking that I look 20 years old, to people calling me "ma'am"... I have gray hairs on the edges of my hair and no desire to dye it. I probably could look like my old self if I took a few days of total self-care, but I also have no desire to do it.

New mantra: "Self-care is as important as other-care".

My oldest son told me a few years ago that taking care of Grandma had made me old. I don't know if he was referring to my appearance or my attitude about life. I realized then how I was stressed at that time and had been for years. I'm better now that she is in assisted living, but she is still on my mind many hours of every day.

I didn't comprehend how being a live-in caregiver aged me until my monthly weekend "forced" relaxation with a sister in another state. She took me to a restaurant and she had a waiter take a photo of us. I was horrified.

Looking back, I think how much I had aged in that photo and remember how this was during the "easy time" when my sisters left me alone to care for Mom and they approved of how I was doing it.

Then, all too commonly, my sisters turned into raging narcissists. I have no photos of that time, I'm relieved not to have seen how close I was to dying from the stress.

I haven't looked at myself in the eyes for some time now. I need to look into the mirror to shave those pesky "goat whiskers," though, LOL, and that's only up to the nose. Spouse has been worsening physically and now mentally for over 20 years and it's taken a toll. Blessings to you!

I went to see my mother in the nursing home yesterday. We visited through the window with a CNA helping with the conversation (my mom doesn’t talk very loud). It was so good to see her! She enjoyed the visit too. Of course, the first thing she tells me is how beautiful I am. She tells the CNA that I should enter the Miss America contest (I’m over 60!). Only in a mother’s eyes!

Yes, I don’t spend much time looking in the mirror - I’m always surprised by what I see. You see, in my mind, I’m about 15. I sometimes do a double-take when I glimpse myself in a mirror.

My brother-in-law's auntie (very sweet lady, but definitely not a candidate for the diplomatic service) wondered aloud at the Christmas dining table which of us was the elder, me or my sister. She guessed wrong; and my sister is eight years older than I am.

I managed to find it funny because, when you think it through, there was no way that question could not have offended one of us.

Plus, aged before my time or not, I am still prettier than her. Ha!!

[Can't think why she's always hated me...]

I’ve started wearing a wig because my hair is falling out due to stress. The funny thing is that everyone says I look better with it on. It’s like wearing a hat though and I hate it.

Stress and worry will age you. Take a look at Presidents, example: Clinton started graying faster and so did Obama.

God bless you too! My two sisters and I are coming up two yrs in May and it's only getting worse. I hope you have some help like we do, each other and a couple of private caregivers twice a week. Pick up a hobby if you can. It helps to do something creatively to overcome the stress. Best wishes!

What about wrinkles? I am in my 60’s and don’t have any! I guess it’s genes because mom doesn’t have any in her 90’s. My dad didn’t. My grandma didn’t either. Grandpa did but he was a heavy smoker. Doesn’t smoking cause wrinkles in some people?

Yes I didn’t recognize myself in a store mirror yesterday, so tired and angry looking.

Yes! In my experience caregiving can age one like very little else.

Yes it is so draining, and I look and feel drained!

No, I don't need to look in the mirror as I know that I am 73 years of age. I got lucky, though, because of my mother's good genes. Most people don't quote my physical age

Best of luck to you.

Awww, A hairstylist on our local news just said, “You may as well cut off my arm right now. No one is making appointments for a haircut and it is hurting hairstylists financially.”

Then the newscaster asked if anyone could donate gift cards to hairstylists it would help them out. So many people are feeling the hit of losing money.

For anyone able to still work, be grateful. I am grateful my husband is working at home.

NHWM - I do need a haircut so I don't look so tired and aged when I look in the mirror. And yes, I am grateful that both my husband and I can work from home, and I also home school my kids so they don't really miss any core classes. However, all outside extra-curriculum classes are closed till next month. I heard rumors that classes will be closed till summer. Hope not.