My 88 year old mother and I used to be so close. I live in Texas and have flown out to visit her in California and have flown her out here. A few years ago my mother would call every month complaining about my brother and his wife taking money from her. Brother and his wife have a history of "borrowing" and never paying her back. Mom wanted me to find her a place to live near us in Texas to get away from the drama. A friend of my mother called me to say that my brother took a large amount of cash from Mom's safe while she was napping. He only returned it because he was caught. I began looking into moving my mother out here. Then, at the beginning of the pandemic, mom had a bad fall and was admitted to the hospital. She was transferred to Rehab for a time and better living arrangements had to be made. My mother received a diagnosis of Alzheimer dementia in April, 2020 from her primary doctor who provided a letter stating that she cannot handle her own affairs and needs 24/7 care. This was at the beginning of the pandemic and luckily I found a lovely Board and Care facility where she improved and got stronger.
My concern is that in my brother and his wife took mom to the same doctor for a quick re-test a few months ago for dementia. The doctor reversed his diagnosis of Alzheimer's dementia and supplied my brother with a letter stating he made a mistake. My brother was so excited because he thought this meant he could have control over her money now. He rolled her out of the doctors office so fast he forgot to let my mom get her important flu shot. The nurse tried to chase him down to come back to no avail. I asked the doctor through his Health Portal how this diagnosis could be reversed. I no longer recognized my mother whose memory worsened each day along with incontinence. He aswered that she MAY have dementia but it was not picked up on his test and that mom makes back decisions and only hears what she wants to hear. I anwered with a thank you and requested a neurology referral. After a week or so and different care correspondence with the doctor's office, I went back to the Health Portal to review the conversation. Paging back to the day I asked about the reversal, I only found my response to the doctors comment and his comment no longer appeared. The next day, I checked again and my response was now gone. Luckily I had taken a screenshot for my records.
My questions for support are:
1. Has anyone else experienced witnessing a reversal of dementia?
2. Has anyone else experienced important comments disappearing from patient portals? This one appears a little suspicious.
3. I believe my brother and his wife know Mom actually has dementia, is isolating her and trying to keep this hidden which concerns me for her care. They did not take her to her Neurology appointment. They printed revocation of POA on-line and had a mobile notary sign with my mother appointing he and his wife instead.
Secondly you mention accessing portals, bringing into question here who has POA for Mom? All that you have told us is very interesting, but apparently your mother has been gifting money to bro, who lives near by and helps her, for many years, both when well and when ill. If I am not mistaken you do not live nearby? .
In fact in all of this I cannot make out at all exactly WHAT is happening or already happened in years past.
I do believe that there can be "mistakes" in diagnosing. My brother's diagnosis of "probably early Lewy's Dementia" was made while he was incidentally in the hospital for an auto accident and it was made SOLELY on my brother's own descriptions of his symptoms. He meanwhile sat there with his head encased in wrappings and a huge swelling due to head injuries to top of head and side of head. He also had in his home when I accessed it, examples of a change in handwriting so profound I took it to MDs as indication he may have suffered a stroke prior to his accident. He improved in the months after hospitalization and rehab. HOWEVER, the diagnosis by symptoms included symptoms he told me of before his accident, so I basically agreed with the MDs diagnosis.My brother died of sepsis within two years, however his "Lewy's" in that time only improved.
That story told, I think that what you need here is to ascertain just WHO IS THE guardian or the POA? DOES Mom have dementia (need a full neuro psyc workup?0 And who will order that workup (the POA normally) and who will get the results (the POA normally) and who will take over the management of Mom's remaining money and her placement (the POA normally). Whatever the case is, if your Mom tests as competent enough, SOMEONE needs to be the POA. Warring brother and sister wouldn't work, so who will that be?
You and your brother apparently don't get along. A fight for guardianship may be so messy and costly that the state takes over Mom's conservatorship and appoints a Fiduciary to manage money and placement which will leave you and bro BOTH out of the picture.
So it seems to me that what we have here is basically a question of just WHO is in charge? If Mom isn't demented then it is Mom. She can do what she wishes with money. If the answer is bro, and you suspect fraud, you can take what proof you have to APS and ask that the management of Mom's finances be investigated to protect her assets. You can apply for guardianship. If bro has been in charge you will not likely win.
Sounds all the more tough in that you don't live there. I sure do wish you the very best. Hope you'll update us as you move along with Mom's diagnosing.
Unless ur Mom has a Medicare Advantage, you do not need a referral to a Neurologist. As long as he excepts Medicare thats all you need. If she has a MA, call them, you may not need a referral for them but will need to find a Neurologist in their network.
I agree, that you are going to need to go there to check things out.
True dementia symptoms cannot be reversed, treated, or cured. They are caused by one of the major progressive degenerative diseases like AD, LBD, VaD, and FTD or can co-exist with a comorbidity like MS or Parkinson's.
Delerium symptoms can look similar & be confused with Dementia & labelled as such incorrectly. A thorough medical examination is required for an accurate diagnosis, especially if UTI, other infections or post anaesthesia.
I would get to California and get her legal documents in order to protect her from your brother.
If he is taking money, you can report a vulnerable senior being financially exploited. I would report this to the police and APS. Most states have severe laws regarding injury to seniors and he could very well be prosecuted. As he should be if he is stealing her money.
Best of luck, this is difficult at long distance.