Have a father who is sedentary and addicted to codiene. He is mean and runs my mom, who has had two broken hips, ragged. How do I help?

Thank you all for your help. My dad has chrones and has taken the codiene since he was 25 (he is now 80) to slow his system down so he gets some nutrition. He has it legally. He just is "eating" it these days to deal with gout and arthritis pain. He refuses to see any doctor because the doc who gives him the codiene is regulating it and refuses to give him any extra and he is mad at him. He is therefore mad at all doctors now. We have no power of attorney so even though we have called 911 before, if he refuses to go with the paramedics, they legally cannot take him. I do help my mom as much as I can but I do have a full time job so my time is limited. He is just so stubborn......and his stubborness affects all of us who live near him...I worry about my mom literally being run ragged till she has a heart attack or something. Thanks again....it is nice to know others are out there struggling with their parents as well....

Two questions: 1) was your father always like this to your mom or just since he has been on the Codiene?
2) What was the Codiene prescribed to treat and is your father getting it legally?

If your answer to Q1 is that he has changed since he began the Codiene then a visit to his doctor is in order and you need to get some straight answers. If the doc is unaware that this is happening then you need make sure the doc helps your father kick the habit since you will need professional help to do that. Drug addicts can become violent and you do not want to be caught in the crossfire trying to sweet talk your father out of his addiction. Don't even think about that route since it could put your mother in harms way.

If your father was abusive even before the Codiene, then you have a different sort of problem. If I were in your shoes I would be thinking about getting my mother away from my father ASAP. If your father were alone, he would be forced to get help on his own and this might be the best for both of them.

For Q2--you need to get the details documented because no matter where you turn for help these days the first question you are asked is Do you have so and so's permission to release his medical information. Translation: the same laws that protect the victim also protect the criminal if you know what I mean...

Your Mother obviously loves your Dad with all of her heart to be running for him with broken hips...how can you help? I would say go over there more and do so me of the running for her. As for your Dad being addicted to Codiene, there are places he can be admitted to that will help him overcome his addiction. There are ways to stand up to ANY mean person and that is to stand up to them and let them know they will not bully you around. Maybe you should have a talk with him and let him know his behavior towards your Mom is not appropriate and that he should respect her because today is a gift, tomorrow may not be.

Talk with his doc and get him into IN-patient drug treatment. It will give your mom a break and, hopefully, get him off the pills. Keep in mind though, if he's not very active, he's likely to be mean even without the pills. Your mom needs to have the back bone to stand up for herself and her own health. Caring for him may be killing her - sad but true all too often. Once he's off the pills, perhaps he'll need more skilled nursing care than she can provide at home. Speak with your local area agency on aging to understand what' sort of help is possible IN your home and OUT as well.
Best of luck.