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My mother does nothing but have hateful and mean looks on her face most of the time, is this normal?? It really starting to get to me, I try to ignore it but cant, just wondering if this is normal or not

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My mom has Alz. She has always been quiet. Even during her different stages of Alz, she was quiet....But, she started to change. Like everyone here, my mom kept her mouth shut but she glared at us. A Very Scary Glare. If looks could kill, we all would be dead!

Then one day, her eyes/face changed. You can see the HATRED in her eyes. She would walk slowly toward you, calmly, no anger or yelling or getting mad. Just quietly walking to you. But, you look in her eyes, and you just KNOW she's going to Hurt you. Darn! We RAN! And she CHASED. I don't have to tell you how terrified we were. If she changed while outside, we just ran around the car until she stops. The scary ones are when inside the house. We always locked all the locks when we're inside. So, she cannot walk out by herself. If her calmness turns to Hatred, you can SEE it in her face.

Once, my 2 younger sisters and I were "babysitting" mom....we were in our age of 20's. We saw the Hatred in her eyes, and she calmly walked to us with her hands fisted. We ran behind the 3-person sofa, and she FLIPPED it trying to reach us. We all screamed and ran into our bedroom (we share the room), locked it, leaned against it - screaming out loud. She had ran after us, and was pounding so hard against the door, it was shaking. We were terrified. Very bad memories.

You all, my mom was like yours in that she was quiet and Glared at us. I'm not saying that your mom will become violent like ours, but if you have kids, PLEASE be careful and watchful of your parent. We, girls, were in our 20's but we were able to READ mom's Expression. Please, get to know your parents' normal expression, Normal Glare. If you see the Hatred, BEWARE!

I've read somewhere here in this site, several times, that there are medications that can help your parent IF they become violent. Just be careful, okay? HUGS to you all!!!
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You really do have to keep this in mind..... Most of the time they are confused where they are or why. They are scared and probally in more pain than you know of. ( When you don't feel good you don't have a happy face either). And more than likely they never feel good, they are so alone when they don't know where they are sometimes they just stare trying so hard to recognize you or anything around them (have you ever hit your head so hard, or fell it takes a minute to figure out what happened and where you are) that is their reality 24/7 age sucks and our bodies break down arthritis, bone loss, intestines stop working normally, heart skips, lungs having to work harder and brain function shuts down. Just reassure them where they are and they are safe, introduce people to them, even tho you think they know who they are. Keep them hydrated as well the brain is 70% water.
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You are so right.....there truly is NO amount of money to put on keeping your sanity. Your Mom sounds so much like my MIL.......I still have a very difficult time believing that I never really knew the real person she was totally until she came to live in our home. What I have even a harder time believing is that her other three adult children have written her off totally......even though she was never a loving kind mother...she is still their mother. Her birthday was Saturday and not one phone call or card??? My heart was broken for her....that is just not right. But when my FIL and SIL were ill with cancer.....my husband and I promised we would take care of MIL......what we did not know at time was that they had not planned for their later years at all. We realize that we cannot always keep our promises but we are giving it our best. My husband retired seven years ago and we were so enjoying life.....now I feel like life is passing us by. I pray a lot for God to give us the strength and knowledge to get through this situation. K
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Katie I agree with the NO LIFE NO PRIVACY!!! @ Nancy I have watched my mom and I dont believe that it is any kind of seizures, My mom was never the emotional type, as a kid growing up never showed any kind of love, always hateful, its kinda embarrassing going out in public with her, cause of some of the statements that she might make towards other ppl, My mother has always been a hate full, mean person, I think the looks get me more than anything, why I dont know even though I try to ignore it. She has never been a grandmother to my kids which I have 4, 3 girls and 1 son, all grown, she has never been nice to them, but when it comes to my sister that's a whole different story, my mother has always been nice to my sisters daughter, and my sister can do no wrong, even tho she has done some under handed stuff, to where she was trying to make sure she would get everything of my mothers once she is gone, I am one that don't care about the money, nor what I get once my mother is not here, My mother to is a game player if something is not going her way she will act like a child and throw a fit, just like a 2yr old, I try to talk to my sister about how she is progressing and she just tires to play it off, when my sister is not here and see's how much my mom has declined, I know she dosent want to have any part of it, my sister just wants to know she has someone taking care of her that is not costing a lot of money so once my mom passes maybe my sister will get her share of whats coming to her, I get paid 300.00 a week from my mother, 200.00 of it is for housing, food, ultilites, and 100.00 is for my care giving service. If I was to put her in a home, it would cost over 3,000.00 a month, something my sister is not wanting to see, but I have been taking care of my mother since 2007, I really dont know how much longer I can go without losing my sanity. I have asked my sister if she would like to take over everything, cause I have complete guardianship, but she dosent want to have to give up her job, or most of all her social life, one that I don't have, I told my sister that I would love to have a normal job seeing how I am 49, a job where I can have some kind of benefits, cause if I get sick, I have no insurance, and would love to start saving for my retirement. But all my sister had to say was just pay yourself more, I am sorry but I don't think there is any amount of money that can help me get threw this...
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I so agree that getting old is not something I look forward to.......actually, until the past eighteen months, I really never gave it a lot of thought. However, with my Mom and my MIL both having dementia along with many other health issues , I have really begun to dread the aging process. It does amaze me how different these two women in my life handle it?? My Mom always has a big smile on her face and is very sweet and kind to everyone!!!! Everyone loves her and loves being around her....she is VERY upbeat and positive through it all. Then we have MIL that has never been a happy person and has gotten so much worse with age and declining health....its like she's mad at the world and is going to make everyone around her miserable??? What she has yet to figure out after 83 years is that NO one wants to be around someone that's miserable and unhappy. for the life of me if my DIL stepped up when no one else would and took me in to give me 24/7/365 care....I would sure hope I could at least show some appreciation and at least smile. I realize they are old and sick.....however, my MIL had me fooled for over 35 years!!! ALL 5 of her kids tried telling me how she was....but she wasn't my Mom so I really could not relate....that is until she moved in!! She's a game player.....among many other things!!! Oh well, guess we live and learn. After reading how bad so many caregivers have it...I realize my biggest thing is....NO privacy and NO life!!! K
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Come to think of it, my mother-in-law does have a permanent scowl on her face when she sits alone. But she's NOT an angry or hateful person, she just has this face. It's usually when she's deep in thought, or listening to what others are saying, since she can't really see well. So I don't know. weird.
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My MIL does this. I have looked over, and she was glaring at me. This is not suprising, though. She has always been mean in nature. She also was not at all grandmotherly when her grandkids were young. I ignore her when she gets nasty, i have generally found that people like this enjoy the controlling of your uemotions. They want a reaction. I act like I don't see the looks or hear the comments. It is hard to do, but the last thing you want to do is engage in an arguement. You will never win, and they get the satisfaction of seeing you upset.
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sparkling, are you sure your mother isn't having some sort of seizure that's causing this? I know that seizures come in all kinds of forms, not all are grand mal. Some look like when a person just spaces out suddenly. I don't know, just a thought.
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Do we have the same mother?? lol,,, My mom is also SILENT, she will not tell you when she is hungry or if there is something bothering her, you have to ask, you have to tell her when to take a shower, wash her hair, she will wear the same clothes over and over if you let her, I have two other siblings as will they live 3 hours away they hardly call, let alone come and visit.. I am the youngest.. And yes it is alot more than what I ever thought it would be, I have told my sister and brother that I dont know how much longer I will be able to do this, and still have not offered any help what so ever, if they would just offer to take about every 3 months for about a week visit would help out alot
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Just to add.....my husband and his siblings have always said their Mom was mean and unhappy ....... their dad was a wonderful loving kind man...he passed away ten years ago and she has gotten worse since. She has NO friends and has cut herself off from everyone.....even her sister???? She expected me at first to include her in everything I did with my friends, husband, children, grandkids etc...... that had to stop. I also have a Mom that has Alzheimer's that I am very close with and very involved in her care..she is in a memory care assisted living home...but I have four siblings and we have at least two of us that go every day.....I also two small grandkids that live five minutes from us that We truly adore!!!! They are my SUNSHINE!!!! And MIL is so jealous of the grandkids....she was never much of a mother and was never a grandmother......BUT I refuse to give up my entire life to sit and be made miserable by her. I love her and take very good care of her...she does not go without...however, I am NOT her entertainment committee !!!! I truly believe dementia can cause behavior problems such as we have discussed.... but add the miserable unhappy person to that....oh boy.
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I wish I had the answer....I have often thought that possibly the dementia may play a part in this behavior. I also know that my MIL has fought very hard in not excepting her conditions and she feels like she is losing control?? MY MIL IS THE SILENT TYPE.....she gives the mean stern unhappy I hate you looks....but rarely does she speak up. My husband and I have to remind her repeatedly that we are not mind readers that she must tell us what's on her mind. I can tell you that I know she hates her quality of life and is very jealous that we still have a life. It has been very difficult for me to draw the boundaries with her......but I had to learn. But I admit I still have my moments. We rarely go anywhere due to the fact she cannot be left alone for more than an hour....so, my husband and I coordinate our schedules to accommodate her. I was told early on several good tips on setting boundaries and making the rules. It truly is like raising a child. She has a schedule for her meals that are prepared for her along with her medications, set shower schedule and she goes to the adult senior center three days a week per her doctor.....she is not happy about any of this....however, she has never been a happy person...but her doctor told us that she would be on a set schedule in assisted living so set her a schedule and it would be in the best interest for everyone. I must admit it was very hard for me in the beginning, but slowly I'm learning the difference between caregiver and DIL......she has three other adult children within 20 miles and they never call her or visit???? We have always been close......however, she never lived with me 24/7/365 until 18 months ago either. I must admit its a whole lot more than I ever thought it would be.....but they did not plan for there later years....so living with us is her best and only position at the moment.
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my mother has always been a mean person
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getting old sux for some more thn othrs. if she didn't hv thos looks whn she was younger and carin for u, thn it could b a sign of passive aggressivness or some psycho/social issue. ur her daughter, u should b able to converse with her. :)
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sorry type o, what causes it or why??
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Katie, I have asked my mother the same thing if there is anything wrong, or troubling her, and she always says no... And yes it does get frightening, when my son comes to the house she does nothing but stare at him with this mean evil look on her face, one night he got a bag of cookies and milk and she was giving him the most go to hell looks ever, my son stated and I think he was just joking some what that he feared for his life cause of the looks that she was giving him, it was almost like those are my cookies what the hell you doing eating them, and you could tell she was getting mad cause her breathing got more harder?? And I too deal with this 24/7/365. And what makes things worse I have no where in my house or yard that I can go to just take a few mins to my self...Would anyone know what cause this or why??
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I agree...it is VERY HARD TO IGNORE..... there are times I just have to walk away. 24/7/365 having to deal with that look on top of everything else is a bit trying to say the least. Hang in there....I truly do feel your pain.
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I agree...it is VERY HARD TO IGNORE..... there are times I just have to walk away. 24/7/365 having to deal with that look on top of everything else is a bit trying to say the least. Hang in there....I truly do feel your pain.
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Its hard to ignore..I have to look at this disgruntled person all the time..and his insults...he won't take baths and get very angry when I say he must..the list goes on and on
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I know exactly what you are talking about.....my MIL lives in our home and she does the same exact thing??? She almost always has a hateful mean look on her face.....it drives me nuts!!!! I used to ask her if there was a problem...and the answer was always...NO. So, I have quit asking and I just have learned to ignore. Being around unhappy miserable people has always been very difficult for me...as I have always been a happy upbeat person.....that was until MIL moved in. I really do understand what you are talking about.
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please answer this question..my dad does the same thing and its frightening
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