My husband has been partial care giving for his dad (he is in his mid-80's). Diabetic, eats candy, ice cream, pies, etc. Wants the miracle pill that will make him 16 again, hateful, deaf (refuses to get a hearing aid that would help the deafness), picky eater (wants pigs feet, biscuits with lots of gravy, no left overs -- this includes freshly just made sandwiches that have been made with "left over" ingredients such as ham, cheese, etc.)
His health has been declining and my husband has been making 3-4 trips to his house a day, fixing meals (some get one or two bites with a "I can't eat this sh** or thrown across the room). My hubby has been getting up earlier before work, driving to his house and keeping a horrible schedule.
In these last few months, he has had an increase in his sugar levels from diabetes, gained weight, tired from lack of sleep and his blood pressure was through the roof (e.g. 222/124).
Two weeks ago, my father in law went to the hospital. His blood sugar levels are better than my husbands (before going in) and they have taken him off a lot of the unnecessary meds he was on. He is scheduled to go to a nursing home for rehab.
In that time, my husband has been happier, blood pressure slowly impoving, he is losing weight and getting more sleep. My blood pressure has been going down too.
He has said that he is not going several times a day to the nursing home, in fact he is not even going to go every day. He said any man in his 80's that the doctors have stabalized and in many ways is doing better than we are does not need him constantly.
Has anyone else had their health suffer due to care giving? Did it improve when your family member passed or went to a nursing home? We have learned it is just not worth it.
It's nice to care for them if there is a decent relationship, but as soon as they become impossible, NO WAY should you put up with it. That's why there are care homes and other facilities run by professionals. I recommend taking a proactive partnership stance, but that can be done over the phone.
Best wishes to you and your husband. Make sure he takes care of himself:)
I am a 56 year old woman who has been pretty strong and healthy. Since caring for my husband totally, the last two years, my body has taken a big hit. And now, my body is mimicking signs of a heart attack. I went to the emergency room twice in 3 days. Now, I'm afraid to breath. However, I love my husband and he still needs care. I'm in the process of securing resources to help me, so that I can help him. Having said that, some major changes have to occur. In the meantime, he has to go without me jumping to cater to his every want. We have discussed the necessity of a change and he is on board. So, I want to encourage you all to SEEK outside help. There are agencies that provide relief to caregivers FREE for a limited time. Contact the hospital social worker, the American Heart/Stroke association, whatever the issue is. There is HELP, FIND it. There are statistics out there that show people caring for loved ones develop their own health issues that often end in death. I often feel guilty about having anyone else help, because I feel my husband is my responsibility. But after my visits to the emergency room I have decided I want to live. I don't know what God has in store for either of us, but I am seeking his guidance to make sure my husband's dignity stays in tack along with my sanity and health. STAY CONNECTED, we need each other.
He now resides in a nursing home and yes, it's partially against his own will.
The last time I took him into the ER, our doctor said that my health was in jeopardy and I still bas my husband with severe depression and ptsd, my 33 yr old daughter was still healing from a double mastectomy with invasive ductile carcinoma and my grand daughter to care for!
I would up with depression, migraines, hpylori and bleeding ulcers. ...just to name a few things.
I don't know what may happen in the future, but we have to come up with some kind of help/ relief for caregivers as our declining health puts those that we care for in jeopardy as well.
He now resides in a nursing home and yes, it's partially against his own will.
The last time I took him into the ER, our doctor said that my health was in jeopardy and I still bas my husband with severe depression and ptsd, my 33 yr old daughter was still healing from a double mastectomy with invasive ductile carcinoma and my grand daughter to care for!
I would up with depression, migraines, hpylori and bleeding ulcers. ...just to name a few things.
I don't know what may happen in the future, but we have to come up with some kind of help/ relief for caregivers as our declining health puts those that we care for in jeopardy as well.
My Mother was like your FIL. She was forced to the hospital and transported to rehab, then nursing home and now Assisted Living. She is doing great (or at least better.) At home, she was hateful, not eating, not very mobile, not clean. Now she is clean, eating, dressed and was actually in the commons area on Monday listening to a group sing.
My feeling is that it would benefit your FIL, if your husband did avoid going to visit, so much.
Again, remember that you can't help your parents if you are not in good health. You start feeling strange; GET CHECKED OUT!! Don't put it off. If you are not there for your parents; then who will?
God Bless you for what you are doing. Remember, you are not alone.