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My health is getting worse, but I don't have time to go to the doctor, although I did get a mammography the other day. I worry so I don't sleep well, and I am having to do more work around the house - things that a man should be doing instead of a female with joint problems.
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A cough and chest pains that will not go away is cause for concern. Get a chest x-ray and culture of your sputum. You could have TB as it is on the rise, valley fever, or haute virus.
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I have gained weight and developed Fibromyalgia (don't know if it's related, though). I need to go to a pool to exercise, but can't really leave my Mom alone, so that affects my fibro. A lot of the lifting of the walker or wheelchair is really hard on me. My husband does it when he's here, but his back is almost as bad as mine. I worry about who will give out first - him or me.
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what do you mean no one knows..................................caregivers know LOL :-) W
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Wow. No one knows what caregivers go through, and how much damage they themselves suffer, mentally and physically, in caring for loved ones who, in some cases, are sadly unrecognizable as their former selves, or who take out their frustrations and fears on their caregivers, usually family, who are trying desperately to help them. I have serious chronic pain issues, and I know that I have certainly become exponentially worse since becoming a caregiver, and may end up having cervical surgery (my neck, not my cervix!) I don't remember ever suffering this much, and I wasn't prepared for it. I have to wonder who will be MY caregiver, as I have no husband or children to do it. We have to take good care of ourselves, and try to remember who we are apart from being caregivers. Mental health is as important as physical health. The one can affect the other, going both ways. I hope everyone going through this on this forum finds ways to maintain good health. We all need our strength, to ENJOY OUR OWN lives, as well as to give of ourselves to others.
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Debralee, im 180 degrees from you. Emotionally, nada. Physically, oh yeah! :-) W
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Physically no, emotionally, so much! Mother is a needy, codependent, unhappy, emotionally draining individual. My past emotional issues have landed me in psyche wards, electro shock treatments, medicines for depression and years of counselling. I am at a emotionally healthy place now in my life and want to keep it that way. I find myself constantly putting up barriers to avoid having my mother's needs spiral me down toward that emotional hell I had experienced. My mother has always put her well being before her own children. Mysery may love company, but not for me!
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Hi LEP627. It seems like we're living similar lives. Not only do we both have health problems related to caregiving for our mothers, we also both have brothers who do nothing to help--except criticize us. My brother is a bully to me and he rarely even visits my mother. Like you, I had an issue with the volume of the TV which my mom has on constantly. Finally, I purchased a wonderful produce which I suggest you buy. It's called TV EARS. The device is basically an electronic base that holds
two, sort of thin, ear phone like objects that fit in the ears. I couldn't live in my mother's home without TV EARS. You can buy them online.
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if thats the case with me then im already dead :-) W
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I die a little each day.
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We have been taking care of Mom for two years now, this has been the most unhealthy two years of my life. Colds, ear infections, kidney stones, UTI (four), now chest pains everyday, and a cough that won't go away. Yes I am going thru therapy to work out most of this. But in the meantime, I am driving my Doctor crazy with all of this stuff. Emotionally, I get what is going on, I am just waiting for the rest of me to catch up and get healthy. Thank you for listening to my latest run of insanity.
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@MarciWriter: I too am a chronic migraine sufferer. And yes, the stress makes them worse. And makes it hard for me to care for my Mom. I don't sit with her for long periods of time because she is a news/political junkie -- she is always making negative remarks about everything -- plus she turns everything up so LOUD. I retreat to my dark, quiet room. It's taken over my life. And I get no help from my brother, and now he is making false charges against me to APS. I am going to get my Mom's phone records to show he barely called or visited (which I logged).
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Yes! Yes! Yes! I had so much energy and felt quite well before I began caregiving for my mother a few years ago. Now, each month I seem to get sicker and sicker. I have almost no energy. I have chronic migraines. Before I moved in to help my mom, I might get a migraine every three months. Now, I have debilitating migraines nearly every week that last for two or three days. I don't sleep well.
I used to eat very healthy foods, now my diet is lousy. I don't know what's happening to me. My mother is a depressed, verbally abusive woman. I never would have believed how my health could suffer so much by being a caregiver for my mother.
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@frequentfliertx -- I have had the most ridiculous things hurled at me by my Mom (including her trying to choke me, punching me in the face, and having to run to a room and lock her out several times (while she kicks and pounds on the door and screams at me). It is totally insane.

All this, while my brother, who has never lifted a finger, mooches off her, but he is now the "golden child" even though he has treated her like shit his entire adult life, and rarely came to see her (unless he needed money). I am now going to have a security system installed (including cameras) due to his bogus claims and my Mom's imaginary accusations.

I am so frustrated and it is so stressful, I'm physically sick. When we go to trial this month (he assaulted me & I filed a Temporary Restrainingqq Order), I will give him a 30-day notice to get his belongings out of this house and stop using this as his permanent address if I can. And I will never allow him in this house unless there is a third-party to keep their eye on him because he has taken things that belonged to our father, which my Mom needed (like a nice GPS).
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In the last year I have become the caregiver for both of my parents, with no support from my sibling. And, absolutely, caregiving can negatively impact your health. I frequently have chest pains--feels like what I assume a heart attack would feel like. I stopped sleeping. I gained fifteen pounds in as many weeks, my hair has grayed at an alarming rate, my face started breaking out for the first time in 20 years, and I broke out in hives when I really felt pushed into a corner. I felt icky most of the time. I never really thought about how my health was changing until my husband told me that he could see the life was leaving my eyes--I looked ten years older than I really am. I can say that as things improve for those you care for, so will they improve for you. And, don't be afraid to ask for help. My parents now have Home Healthcare, and I have learned to ask for help when I just cannot do it myself, whether it be from time, responsibilites in my own home, or because I am learning to take time for myself. My friends at work have become my weight support group--and better eating habits are beginning to take effect. My primary care physician assures me that my chest pains are strictly anxiety (but I'm seeing a cardiologist just to verify), and I am learning to control my stress levels without medication. The last to improve has been the sleep issue, but everything can't change at once. Everyone's situation is different, everyone has different reasons for becoming a caregiver, and everyone responds differently to the caregiver role. There is overhwhelming stress, resentment, guilt, frustration, anger. I didn't ask for this or expect this; I feel a million different emotions at once. But, I love my parents, and I know my time with them, no matter how difficult it may be, is winding down. For me, I am managing the negative effects as best I can, with some positive changes here and there. The time will come, sooner or later, when my life will once again become my own. Until then, I will continue as caregiver, and take a more proactive approach to taking care of myself.
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oh yaya51, you're such a brown noser :-) W
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Not really. I have arthritis, diabetes, and Crohn's disease as well as allergies but that wasn't caused by caregiving. I have been caregiving for relatives and friends since I was in my late teens (I am 54 now) and we have 4 we are caring for right now. It is stressful to a certain degree but I practice meditation and do yoga and exercise a lot for stress busting and get my sleep and eat a vegan diet which helps.
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??? Ohh..kaay..to quote a lovely lady from a former post, "is there a gas leak in here?"
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here's the breakdown in my case as I see it:
on a scale of i1 to 10 witrh ten being the highest, how would I rate the degree of emotional/physical impact that caregiving has had on me
ok, here goes
emotional impact: ok, that would be 0, i know thats less than one but at least I didn't say negative infinity, right?
now, physical impact: that would be an 11, at least I didn't say positive infinity, right
does anybody see where Im going with this?.....................No?!...................neither do I :-) LOL nite all
since I like hockey so much, heres a little joke for ya
im sitting at a hockey game and behind me are these two gents
one turns to the other and says, you know since Ive gotten older m y sex life with the missus has greatly diminished so, with that he turns to the guy sitting next to him, and asks "how often do you have sex with your wife?" and the other guy goes, after giving it some thought........................"oh, only between periods" you know I was up in Canada to watch a hockey game several yrs ago and the ref wouldn't take his whistle out of his pocket to blow the play dead so one fan stands up and yells, "hey ref, this isn't hudson bay hockey" any hockey fans, here? anybody here too tired from caregiving to have sex? later guys, goodnite all :-) Wayne
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Ignorotic, it sounds like what happens to our Presidents, too. They get grayer and grayer, more wrinkles and frowns as their terms progresses:) You will have your day in the sun again. Don't lose sight of that. xo
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Absolutely. In many ways your story reflects my own. I gained a lot of weight, got gray hair, developed high blood pressure, and generally become sedentary. Before the caregiving situation I was healthy, played hockey, hiked, and had a very active social life. It can bury you if you don't set some boundaries.
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im wondering if she has alzheimers or now IDK :-) well see nite all :-) W
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re: im waiting for this nightmare to end

so am I LEP627, so am I
now, the sponge baths arte being given more frequently
now, the nurse is coming more frequently
plus her constant lack of productivity with the pt
this is looking more and more like a downhill slide if you ask me
im heating up crab cake for my mom after going out and buying them
so my dad calls me an ashole because he thinks i left it in the oven too long
does he go and take it out of the oven? no, of course not
thats because I firmly believe that he takes some sort of sadistic pleasure out of making these remarks that I need like a whole in the f*&^&g head, especially now nite all :-) W
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Yes, yes, yes! The stress (and no help from my brother -- who is now accusing me of Elder abuse) is pretty bad. Add to that, Adult Protective Services is breathing down my neck, and not taking into consideration I had aTROagainst him because he assaulted me PRIOR to his accusations. My Mom is always accusing me of stealing from her, spending all her money, etc. My brother is the one who has mooched financially off her, and was trying to coerce her into giving/selling my car to him (because I drive her car now). She already gave him our father's car last year after our dad died. So now, I have to hire a lawyer to defend me against his false allegations. Hopefully, I am cleared soon. Then I will sue him for slander, as well as pain & suffering.

Besides the stress, I have difficulty sleeping, chronic migraines, and need thousands of dollars of dental work I need to have done. But I have not used my Mom's money for myself because I knew it could be viewed as Elder Abuse. I'm waiting for this nightmare to end. Hopefully, it will be very soon. I can't take this much longer!
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The stress of dealing with my mother was enough, but my siblings were making my life a living H-LL. My blood pressure started spiking at 180/110 up to 195/ 115 when I ended up in the hospital with a "mini stroke". My husband read the riot act to each of my siblings and a few of the spouses. At that point, they realized what they were doing. It's a year later and my blood pressure is back down to the 120's where it should be. I HAD to learn to calm down and how to block out the stressors! When possible that is. . .
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Yes, my health went downhill.
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Fatigue/insomnia, anxiety, stress, depression, weight gain, low energy...one thing exacerbates the other. It's a vicious cycle.
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My mom was a sweetheart and never complained so that made caregiving easier to take.What brought me down was dealing with nonstop headaches from people working for caregiving agencies,rehabs,hospitals and finally a really terrible nursing home.It is hard enough trying to get the best care possible for a dearly loved one while watching them slip away day by day yet knowing many of the people in the industry look at it as nothing but a huge money making machine.Yes my health will never be the same and it has become worse in the 15 months since mom passed away.I think part of the reason is after going through it I know what is in store for me in a few years when I become my mom.I agree with you 100% "scared".The system needs a total rework.Nonprofit should mean all the money goes into patient care and not into bank accounts of the people running these facilities.The government is the problem because they have all been bought off by special interest groups running this whole mess at the expense of the very ones who paid into the system their entire lives.
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Since I have been a paid Caregiver for the lady I work for, my health has completely suffered. I will most likely never want to do Caregiver work again. I get 2- 3 hours a sleep a night, my blood pressure has sky rocketed, and my spirit is many times broken. It's SO hard to please this woman sometimes, and I am of the co-dependent type of personality. That doesn't help!
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Anxiety, chronic depression, sleeplessness, headaches, other "unexplained" aches and pains. Yes, they are all part of being a care-giver and should just be accepted....NOT! Why the government can send BILLIONS of dollars to other countries to help them out and let our seniors fend for themselves is beyond me. There are programs out there, but they are far too inadequate and while you are working your fingers, mind and body to the breaking point trying to care for your loved one and maneuvering the labyrinth of red tape associated with the programs. No fun. Hey, they dumped thousands of really, really, really mentally ill on society, what makes you think they'd help the elderly who now need care?
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