Has your health suffered due to caregiving?

Absolutely. In many ways your story reflects my own. I gained a lot of weight, got gray hair, developed high blood pressure, and generally become sedentary. Before the caregiving situation I was healthy, played hockey, hiked, and had a very active social life. It can bury you if you don't set some boundaries.

Ignorotic, it sounds like what happens to our Presidents, too. They get grayer and grayer, more wrinkles and frowns as their terms progresses:) You will have your day in the sun again. Don't lose sight of that. xo

here's the breakdown in my case as I see it:
on a scale of i1 to 10 witrh ten being the highest, how would I rate the degree of emotional/physical impact that caregiving has had on me
ok, here goes
emotional impact: ok, that would be 0, i know thats less than one but at least I didn't say negative infinity, right?
now, physical impact: that would be an 11, at least I didn't say positive infinity, right
does anybody see where Im going with this?.....................No?!...................neither do I :-) LOL nite all
since I like hockey so much, heres a little joke for ya
im sitting at a hockey game and behind me are these two gents
one turns to the other and says, you know since Ive gotten older m y sex life with the missus has greatly diminished so, with that he turns to the guy sitting next to him, and asks "how often do you have sex with your wife?" and the other guy goes, after giving it some thought........................"oh, only between periods" you know I was up in Canada to watch a hockey game several yrs ago and the ref wouldn't take his whistle out of his pocket to blow the play dead so one fan stands up and yells, "hey ref, this isn't hudson bay hockey" any hockey fans, here? anybody here too tired from caregiving to have sex? later guys, goodnite all :-) Wayne

??? Ohh..kaay..to quote a lovely lady from a former post, "is there a gas leak in here?"

Not really. I have arthritis, diabetes, and Crohn's disease as well as allergies but that wasn't caused by caregiving. I have been caregiving for relatives and friends since I was in my late teens (I am 54 now) and we have 4 we are caring for right now. It is stressful to a certain degree but I practice meditation and do yoga and exercise a lot for stress busting and get my sleep and eat a vegan diet which helps.

oh yaya51, you're such a brown noser :-) W

In the last year I have become the caregiver for both of my parents, with no support from my sibling. And, absolutely, caregiving can negatively impact your health. I frequently have chest pains--feels like what I assume a heart attack would feel like. I stopped sleeping. I gained fifteen pounds in as many weeks, my hair has grayed at an alarming rate, my face started breaking out for the first time in 20 years, and I broke out in hives when I really felt pushed into a corner. I felt icky most of the time. I never really thought about how my health was changing until my husband told me that he could see the life was leaving my eyes--I looked ten years older than I really am. I can say that as things improve for those you care for, so will they improve for you. And, don't be afraid to ask for help. My parents now have Home Healthcare, and I have learned to ask for help when I just cannot do it myself, whether it be from time, responsibilites in my own home, or because I am learning to take time for myself. My friends at work have become my weight support group--and better eating habits are beginning to take effect. My primary care physician assures me that my chest pains are strictly anxiety (but I'm seeing a cardiologist just to verify), and I am learning to control my stress levels without medication. The last to improve has been the sleep issue, but everything can't change at once. Everyone's situation is different, everyone has different reasons for becoming a caregiver, and everyone responds differently to the caregiver role. There is overhwhelming stress, resentment, guilt, frustration, anger. I didn't ask for this or expect this; I feel a million different emotions at once. But, I love my parents, and I know my time with them, no matter how difficult it may be, is winding down. For me, I am managing the negative effects as best I can, with some positive changes here and there. The time will come, sooner or later, when my life will once again become my own. Until then, I will continue as caregiver, and take a more proactive approach to taking care of myself.

@frequentfliertx -- I have had the most ridiculous things hurled at me by my Mom (including her trying to choke me, punching me in the face, and having to run to a room and lock her out several times (while she kicks and pounds on the door and screams at me). It is totally insane.

All this, while my brother, who has never lifted a finger, mooches off her, but he is now the "golden child" even though he has treated her like shit his entire adult life, and rarely came to see her (unless he needed money). I am now going to have a security system installed (including cameras) due to his bogus claims and my Mom's imaginary accusations.

I am so frustrated and it is so stressful, I'm physically sick. When we go to trial this month (he assaulted me & I filed a Temporary Restrainingqq Order), I will give him a 30-day notice to get his belongings out of this house and stop using this as his permanent address if I can. And I will never allow him in this house unless there is a third-party to keep their eye on him because he has taken things that belonged to our father, which my Mom needed (like a nice GPS).

Yes! Yes! Yes! I had so much energy and felt quite well before I began caregiving for my mother a few years ago. Now, each month I seem to get sicker and sicker. I have almost no energy. I have chronic migraines. Before I moved in to help my mom, I might get a migraine every three months. Now, I have debilitating migraines nearly every week that last for two or three days. I don't sleep well.
I used to eat very healthy foods, now my diet is lousy. I don't know what's happening to me. My mother is a depressed, verbally abusive woman. I never would have believed how my health could suffer so much by being a caregiver for my mother.

@MarciWriter: I too am a chronic migraine sufferer. And yes, the stress makes them worse. And makes it hard for me to care for my Mom. I don't sit with her for long periods of time because she is a news/political junkie -- she is always making negative remarks about everything -- plus she turns everything up so LOUD. I retreat to my dark, quiet room. It's taken over my life. And I get no help from my brother, and now he is making false charges against me to APS. I am going to get my Mom's phone records to show he barely called or visited (which I logged).

We have been taking care of Mom for two years now, this has been the most unhealthy two years of my life. Colds, ear infections, kidney stones, UTI (four), now chest pains everyday, and a cough that won't go away. Yes I am going thru therapy to work out most of this. But in the meantime, I am driving my Doctor crazy with all of this stuff. Emotionally, I get what is going on, I am just waiting for the rest of me to catch up and get healthy. Thank you for listening to my latest run of insanity.

I die a little each day.

if thats the case with me then im already dead :-) W

Hi LEP627. It seems like we're living similar lives. Not only do we both have health problems related to caregiving for our mothers, we also both have brothers who do nothing to help--except criticize us. My brother is a bully to me and he rarely even visits my mother. Like you, I had an issue with the volume of the TV which my mom has on constantly. Finally, I purchased a wonderful produce which I suggest you buy. It's called TV EARS. The device is basically an electronic base that holds
two, sort of thin, ear phone like objects that fit in the ears. I couldn't live in my mother's home without TV EARS. You can buy them online.

Physically no, emotionally, so much! Mother is a needy, codependent, unhappy, emotionally draining individual. My past emotional issues have landed me in psyche wards, electro shock treatments, medicines for depression and years of counselling. I am at a emotionally healthy place now in my life and want to keep it that way. I find myself constantly putting up barriers to avoid having my mother's needs spiral me down toward that emotional hell I had experienced. My mother has always put her well being before her own children. Mysery may love company, but not for me!

Debralee, im 180 degrees from you. Emotionally, nada. Physically, oh yeah! :-) W

Wow. No one knows what caregivers go through, and how much damage they themselves suffer, mentally and physically, in caring for loved ones who, in some cases, are sadly unrecognizable as their former selves, or who take out their frustrations and fears on their caregivers, usually family, who are trying desperately to help them. I have serious chronic pain issues, and I know that I have certainly become exponentially worse since becoming a caregiver, and may end up having cervical surgery (my neck, not my cervix!) I don't remember ever suffering this much, and I wasn't prepared for it. I have to wonder who will be MY caregiver, as I have no husband or children to do it. We have to take good care of ourselves, and try to remember who we are apart from being caregivers. Mental health is as important as physical health. The one can affect the other, going both ways. I hope everyone going through this on this forum finds ways to maintain good health. We all need our strength, to ENJOY OUR OWN lives, as well as to give of ourselves to others.

what do you mean no one knows..................................caregivers know LOL :-) W

I have gained weight and developed Fibromyalgia (don't know if it's related, though). I need to go to a pool to exercise, but can't really leave my Mom alone, so that affects my fibro. A lot of the lifting of the walker or wheelchair is really hard on me. My husband does it when he's here, but his back is almost as bad as mine. I worry about who will give out first - him or me.

A cough and chest pains that will not go away is cause for concern. Get a chest x-ray and culture of your sputum. You could have TB as it is on the rise, valley fever, or haute virus.

My health is getting worse, but I don't have time to go to the doctor, although I did get a mammography the other day. I worry so I don't sleep well, and I am having to do more work around the house - things that a man should be doing instead of a female with joint problems.

My mother lived with me 7 years from 80-87 while I worked full time. I ended up with Polymyalgia Rheumatica which is exacerbated by stress. I didn't get enough sleep, was stressed by her constant need for drama and in the end, her running away from home. I put her in assisted living because I had to but felt much better once I wasn't with her every day. I still look after her needs, but don't have to deal with her passive aggressive behavior on a daily basis. I tried very hard to disregard it and recognize it for what it was, but it took a toll. I had no help and not one break in 7 years. I learned that taking care of myself was the only way to go. Not all elderly are the same but if you're dealing with one that is self centered, uncaring towards you in any way and unreasonable, you need help or it will take you down.

merrylou, you did what was best for your mother and yourself. You are to be commended. I hope you find some relief from your PR. Continue as your Mom's advocate and give her love. At least if she gets nasty, you can make an excuse to leave and know that she will be safe. Sometimes this is the best we can do. Forget what was because it is behind you. Take care and God bless.

@merrylou: re: if you are dealing with one that is self-centered, uncaring towards you in any way and unreasonable.......................................are you sure you're not living in my house............................instead of one parent like that, in my case make that two............................:-) Wayne

I keep telling myself it's the disease, not my husband. In fact, I don't even know who this stranger is that is living in this house with me. He was always self-centered and difficult, but nothing like it is now. It's the disease; it's the disease; it's the disease.....

if he was always like that, then why on earth did you stay married to him? you must be a masochist. BTW its not the disease,disease,disease,...................................its your husband,husband,husband............................try telling yourself that............................hey,look on the bright side, at least I didn't become a stone cold killer,right? You need to face the truth. Your husband has a serious character flaw. Why did you marry him anyway?! He couldn't of had THAT much money!! :"-)LOL Just said that for a little levity. Look I know the truth hurts. Ill go get the Oxycontin to deaden the pain. Im just shootin' from the hip, thats all. Try not to be that POd at me, k? :-) W Best. W

That's OK frequent....there is truth in what you say, but when I could reason with him, it was bearable. Now that is gone so there is nothing to be done. There are times when I think of just walking out the door and letting him fend for himself. Somehow, I just can't do it. Foolish? Probably, but I did make a vow that I feel obligated to fulfill. I keep praying for strength, courage, fortitude and whatever else it will take to get me through this. Thx for the chuckle, anyway.

You know, years ago I had a chance to start fresh with a new job up in Montana. So what does my dad do? He tells me not to take it and stay home and take care of him. That shows you the type of self-centered person Im dealing with. With them its nothing but me me me me me....................I figure in a few years all this shit is going to come to an end. THANK GOD!!! :-) Wayne they didnt even want me to go to Cuba. They just want me to stay here and take care of them,them,them......................BTW they dont have enough money to make doing this shit worthwhile. I must be some sort of asshole to stick around here IDK :-) best. W

Yup I limp and ache, my upper body lower back thru to fingers! arthritis or ?? setting in, back n neck aches all time, tendinidous sp? in wrists, thumb crunches and cant bear pressure without pain. Depression is a constant battle due to the isolation monotony and despair of my loved ones condition! Shall I go on!!! lol But I love my momma and want to do the best I can for her!!!

Hi, I have been caregiver to my mom and had to leave work so I live with her and take care of her all and everyday. My health has suffered, I had to go to a neurologist because I feel that I am getting like Parkinson because I feel that my head starts moving while I finally relax, and he says it is stress, I also has pain in my body which I cannot get rid of because of the same thing. all of it is stress, unfortunatelly I cannot rest even at night because if she wants to go to the badroom I have to take her. all we can do is try to be positive, at list some of you do it to people that are not your family, believe me it is harder when it is family and you are the only one there. Good luck to all and to me in this hard work.