Has your health suffered due to caregiving?

no everybody born to be a caregiver,

I don't get on this site very often. But every once in awhile, a question comes up that catches my eye. This one did. Yes, my health has been effected by staying with Mom and trying to care for her. Right now, she can still be alone for a few hours by herself. I know that as she lives longer her needs will become more involved. My husband is here with her most of the time as I am still able to work full time. So, he is the one who does most of the errand running. I am very blessed with the gift of this caring man, this is not his mother. His mother passed away 20 years ago. However, my mothers frustration with her aging process is directed at me. I am not being picked on but that last statement sounds that way. She has tried it all with me. the guilt trips, or trying to start arguements or just simply being miserable. I have had to learn to just walk away when she tries to turn up the anger meter. There is a part of me that feels very sorry for her. This is the only thing that seems to make her happy now, mom was never a very happy person as far back as my memory goes. I have been going to a therapist to sort out my feelings and to better understand myself. I am nothing more then a mere human. I can not make life peaceful for mom. I am here to keep her safe, keep her as healthy as I can (throwing out old food, she won't throw anything away), and help with the household items she can no longer do on her own. But my husband and I can't fix everythng, and nor are we here to be her verbal punching bag. She has pushed away every one who wanted to help. When my father died 6 years ago, her strength and common sense went with him..She can not live alone, she puts things to warm on the stove, then walks away and forgets it until it starts to smoke. My husband has been here to step in and help when that has happened. her memory is failing her, this is very sad to watch. But we try to keep her dignity in tack as much as we can. My mother has never been a kind person and one who needed to control everything and everybody, And now she is facing not having any control over what is happening to her. She must be very frightened, she doesn't know how to talk about what is going on physically or mentally or emotionally. She is old school--do not air your dirty laundry. She may not even know, that was her generation. We caregivers have stepped up to the plate to do what most people would never think of doing. And we are putting up with behavior that makes no sense. but it is good to know that this site lets me know I am not going out of my mind. My therapist says I am doing well, considering my history as a child with this woman. That story does not belong on this site.

Me and my daughter are care giver to her dad he has a behavioral problem along with mild case of dementia and other issues. It gotten so bad to the point he refuses to take his meds and go to therapy and doctors appointments and he got sick can't breath in hospital white blood cells so on we had peace when in hospital,prior to that I could not take it no more to much yelling at me in front of our kids i have 2 little ones. I then got a restraining order on him could not take the verbal abuse and so on it took a toll on me and my health and my job and loosing money just to be home with my kids. Got order 3 yrs happy since order its non stop harrassing phone calls put a block on my phone and my daughter phone and asking me for money i won't give him want him to hit rock bottom that time is coming soon he don't get it, soon he will get kicked out of hotel room cause people are complaing about his yelling from outside and inside. He yelling at my daughter for everything there is cause he is not getting nothing from us anymore. I hate my life with him since he got sick and I am happy when he is not living with us cause my kids are happy never seen them smile but see stress in them. Its hard taking care of sick people especially if you have kids. My daughter and I took care of his parents until they passed away and still taking care of someone but I am not doing it my daughter is and now she stressed out in dealing with him. Its not fun..I would luv for other to be in our postition to take care of someone they probably will say I am taking care of my family who is sick and say I am happy and so on when you know they are not its stressful.

My health totally suffered when I was caring for mom..still is now that she is in a NH! I ended up with sciatica in my back from trying to get her off the floor every time she fell. Two bald spots in my head from stress, and little to no sleep with her calling my name all night to do things for her...even pick up her remote if she dropped it at 3am. Now I just have to deal with her outbursts every time I visit her and the guilt rips of how its my fault she is there..but I can walk out when she gets to be too much

Yes...it takes a toll on you.....it drives you crazy.....literally!

Answer: tremendously hey, thanks for asking I'm going to a caregivers retreat in a couple of weeks @ a catholic church i guess thats where ill meet other caregivers who are running away from their caregiving activities.....and who can blame them, right? I feel like a man of 53 inside the body of a 90 year old. :-) W

I have gained around 30 lbs., mostly belly fat. Before I moved in with mom, I did not have to take blood pressure medicine and was 30 lbs. leaner. I have stress headaches all the time. My patience is very thin, angry all the time. If I am having what may be a normal day, a little less stressed, I get afraid and know that feeling won't last long because mom will say or do something to ruin it. I'm depressed all the time, etc. I could go on but what's the use.

Do not take it negativily, just remember what you give you will receive. He gave you what he could while you were young and needed, I know it is difficult sometimes since I am caregive to my mom for four years now, and belive me it is hard and I´ve feelings like yours, but its not fair to them. Try to do some gardening or something while you are at home with him and when you have to go to the drugstore or running errands for him, just think "I could be in his place". that´s all. Do not despair. Rise your hopes and everything will be allright.

this has been a busy week, what with home health care coming practically every day and me having to take dad for his drs appt every day something new thats in addition to constantly running errands to the pharmacy and whatnot sometimes I feel like im living in a morgue there's absolutely nothing rewarding about this job would ve been better off in Montana, I think :-) W

let me add one more thing if I may. I also started to have panic attacks, not being able to swallow very well, I would also pick at my skin, I made sores on my skin from stress. I could not sleep, until my dr. gave me ambien. My eye lids would get swollen form firbo stress. just awful exp.

I meant to say, I took him to chemo appts three times a week.
deal with all the doctors, the meds, order meds, and then at the last he got a bed sore which I had to doctor for him. He became very confused because his renal system was shutting down. It was just horrid what he went through. I tried my very best to take care of him and Mom.

I was in the early stages of Fibromyalgia before I began some intense care taking of my parents. Prob. three or four years previous. I did not know what it was at the time. Then, I began taking care of my Dad, we did not know how ill he was, including him. I would take care of him, take him to three chemo appts a week, and also take care of my Mom. My Dad got really sick the last three months of his life and the firbo began to ramp up. The week of his death, I watched him pass away, I was by myself in the hospital, right after that, my arms and hands felt like fire, and the bone pain was acute. That lasted for 10 months!!! I had to hand over a lot of care for my Mom to my husband, he would run next door and make meals and take them to my Mom, I became bed ridden, crying with intense pain. In the last few months my arm and hand pain went away and is now in my legs. but not acute but it is very painful. So, even though I would not trade any of it, It made me very sick. I am still sick with firbo..

yesterday was the first time dad needed a wheelchair

today mom had ot and sponge bath

Interesting question and I thought I'd see answers like mine but I see a lot of people's health ( mental or physical) started getting better after care giving not that my health is bad but I was and still am focused on my younger brother. I have a pacemaker which is supposed to be checked and monitored every three months and its been well over a year since I've gone to my cardiologist who's no doubt pretty upset with me because my brother passed away almost 10 months ago and I've yet to go but I feel fine , yes the occasional shock that I never felt before hurts like a ( you know what ) but I think its OK , now my husband and grown kids don't.. guess I'll be letting hubby make me that appointment:) He's going to see ... it wasn't necessary.

Oh yeah and I am going crazy not having anything stimulating to talk about. A lot of the same stories over and over, PLUSE my bank account is not getting any bigger nor is my retirement. This is the HARDEST,...LOWEST PAYING JOB, ever. And not a lot of thanks or RESPECT either. !!!

Oh yeah.. Just reading everyone's post's on aging parent caregiving confirms ,that it is truly bad for your health and well being. Now don't anyone get me wrong, I truly loved my mom and dad and that is why I choose to care for my mom when my dad passed, but I literally was not allowed to maintain any sort of semblance of my own life while taking care of her ! I no longer went hiking ,kayaking ,camping ..or to WORK where I used to get good pay. I also do not get very creative anymore with my bead work or paintings because it's hard to get inspired when my mom is negative all the time. Also by the time I am done getting breakfast , medication ( yes antidepressant included) eye drops , and a bunch of other stuff that goes along w/caring, I then walk my dogs, come back ,and mom wants a snack, I get dressed , maybe pick up things at store , then it is lunch time for her, after that she will nap. What do I do ? You all ask, we'll walk the dogs, then I may have time to .... Talk to a friend or two, read ,try something artistic, ride my bicycle, but by 3:00 3:30 mom is up and wants to be entertained, I then must stop what I may be doing at the time, or she pouts or just screws up the tv remote control so I have to be there and fix it . Sometimes I will ignore her and let her fend for her self. I get very bored and more depressed everyday, I dread when the morning comes because it is the something day after day! I try to get her to engage in art work and other creative endeavors , but she just say ' she has had her day with it doesn't and doesn't want to do it any more. I can't even get here to go to church! She is just waiting to die! Sometimes I think that she will outlive me as I could not keep up with that negativity for so long... That is why I am considering her to go to assisted living. None of my family will come by to help me I know that they will try to guilt trip me for abandoning her but GEE , what about me,.... I have been with 10 month's, 24 hours away .... What do you think?

Yes it definitely does, I now take an anti-depression, anxiety pill that I swore I never would give in too. Constantly felt like my blood pressure would explode, heart attacks lost alot of weight. Depression big time. Guilt will be there next. Im giving it up. I was the most laid back kid she had. Now Im probably the most bitchess. Siblings gave up along time ago. Im not young anymore and had child late in life, Id like to be around to see her grow up. My mom is going to kill me before that. I decided it's not gonna happen She dont remember most anyway these days. God bless all XOXOXO.

good for you

tomorrow I take dad to the doctor yippee! :-) W

Hi joycews. I am Charles, a guy in my late 20's and I have been living with my grandmother for the past five years. She is a very nasty, mean, conniving, gossiping, two faced, hateful person. She is constantly starting problems and talking about everyone in the family behind their backs, even me. NOTHING is ever her fault. Everything happens to her, never because of her and when something is her fault, she blames someone or something else. She does not like confrontation at all and when someone calls her out, or confronts her about something, she will blame someone else, make up a totally bogus excuse, or her most famous line "I don't know". All of this negativity has had a horrible impact on my mental and physical health. I became hypertensive and I developed a lot of back and joint pain. I also became depressed, withdrawn, exhausted, angry and very bitter. No matter how much I tried to appease her, and make things go her way so I wouldn't have to hear it, she always would find something to complain about.

I finally got to the point where I decided enough was enough. I knew nothing was ever going to change. She has five kids who can't stand to be around her because of her attitude. I have gotten VERY angry and threatened to move out several times, so, she will "Band-Aid" the situation by telling me what I wanted to hear and walking on egg shells for about a week or two after which everything would return to the way it was.

It was then that I realized that I needed to do something. I can't really afford to move out because I am still building up my business, and she cannot live on the farm by herself because of her physical and mental condition. I began seeing a psychologist for talk therapy, and a psychiatrist for medicinal therapy. The psychologist has given me a lot of tips on ways to deal with my grandmother, and the psychiatrist has prescribed an anti-depressant that has helped me feel better emotionally.

The biggest lesson I have learned is to not feed into her negativity. I realized that if I don't play into her little games, it wont affect me as much and she will drop it and leave me alone. It is still a work in progress, but I am starting to feel better about everything.

YES MY HEALTH IS BAD, SLEEPING WAS A MAJOR PROBLEM, ALLWAYS WORRIED ABOUT MY MOTHER.. I WOULD FEAL BAD IF I PUT MY MOTHER IN NURSING HOME.

I BEEN A CAREGIVER FOR 12 YEARS. I AM THE CAREGIVERS SON.ONLY CHILD, I AM BURNT OUT.HARDEST JOB I EVER HAD. MY MOTHER DIED LAST DEC. OF NATURAL DEATH,MUTABLE ORGAN FAILURE. I BEEN CHARGED FOR NEGLECT BY THE STATE OF FLORIDA. SHE NEVER WAS IN HOSPITAL DURING MY CARE, IT STARTED WHEN SHE VOMMITTED, I CALLED AMBULANCE FOR HER. SHE DIED IN HOSPITAL. 87 YEARS OLD.HAD DEMENTIA FOR 12 YEARS. I ALSO HAVE A WOMEN HELPING ME FULL TIME. I AM 62 YEARS OLD. I LOVED MY MOTHER AND STILL WOULD TAKE CARE OF HER. FIRST SHE STOPPED WALKING, NEXT SHE STOPPED TALKING. MY MOTHER ALSO WAS ON STROKE MED, STATE SAYS I DIDN'T PROVIDE HEALTHCARE. HOW DO YOU GET DRUG WITHOUT A DOCTOR. I AM GOING TO WIN CASE. THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. MY MOTHER WAS NEVER SICK TILL THE END.

Hi, I have been caregiver to my mom and had to leave work so I live with her and take care of her all and everyday. My health has suffered, I had to go to a neurologist because I feel that I am getting like Parkinson because I feel that my head starts moving while I finally relax, and he says it is stress, I also has pain in my body which I cannot get rid of because of the same thing. all of it is stress, unfortunatelly I cannot rest even at night because if she wants to go to the badroom I have to take her. all we can do is try to be positive, at list some of you do it to people that are not your family, believe me it is harder when it is family and you are the only one there. Good luck to all and to me in this hard work.

Yup I limp and ache, my upper body lower back thru to fingers! arthritis or ?? setting in, back n neck aches all time, tendinidous sp? in wrists, thumb crunches and cant bear pressure without pain. Depression is a constant battle due to the isolation monotony and despair of my loved ones condition! Shall I go on!!! lol But I love my momma and want to do the best I can for her!!!

You know, years ago I had a chance to start fresh with a new job up in Montana. So what does my dad do? He tells me not to take it and stay home and take care of him. That shows you the type of self-centered person Im dealing with. With them its nothing but me me me me me....................I figure in a few years all this shit is going to come to an end. THANK GOD!!! :-) Wayne they didnt even want me to go to Cuba. They just want me to stay here and take care of them,them,them......................BTW they dont have enough money to make doing this shit worthwhile. I must be some sort of asshole to stick around here IDK :-) best. W

That's OK frequent....there is truth in what you say, but when I could reason with him, it was bearable. Now that is gone so there is nothing to be done. There are times when I think of just walking out the door and letting him fend for himself. Somehow, I just can't do it. Foolish? Probably, but I did make a vow that I feel obligated to fulfill. I keep praying for strength, courage, fortitude and whatever else it will take to get me through this. Thx for the chuckle, anyway.

if he was always like that, then why on earth did you stay married to him? you must be a masochist. BTW its not the disease,disease,disease,...................................its your husband,husband,husband............................try telling yourself that............................hey,look on the bright side, at least I didn't become a stone cold killer,right? You need to face the truth. Your husband has a serious character flaw. Why did you marry him anyway?! He couldn't of had THAT much money!! :"-)LOL Just said that for a little levity. Look I know the truth hurts. Ill go get the Oxycontin to deaden the pain. Im just shootin' from the hip, thats all. Try not to be that POd at me, k? :-) W Best. W

I keep telling myself it's the disease, not my husband. In fact, I don't even know who this stranger is that is living in this house with me. He was always self-centered and difficult, but nothing like it is now. It's the disease; it's the disease; it's the disease.....

@merrylou: re: if you are dealing with one that is self-centered, uncaring towards you in any way and unreasonable.......................................are you sure you're not living in my house............................instead of one parent like that, in my case make that two............................:-) Wayne

merrylou, you did what was best for your mother and yourself. You are to be commended. I hope you find some relief from your PR. Continue as your Mom's advocate and give her love. At least if she gets nasty, you can make an excuse to leave and know that she will be safe. Sometimes this is the best we can do. Forget what was because it is behind you. Take care and God bless.

My mother lived with me 7 years from 80-87 while I worked full time. I ended up with Polymyalgia Rheumatica which is exacerbated by stress. I didn't get enough sleep, was stressed by her constant need for drama and in the end, her running away from home. I put her in assisted living because I had to but felt much better once I wasn't with her every day. I still look after her needs, but don't have to deal with her passive aggressive behavior on a daily basis. I tried very hard to disregard it and recognize it for what it was, but it took a toll. I had no help and not one break in 7 years. I learned that taking care of myself was the only way to go. Not all elderly are the same but if you're dealing with one that is self centered, uncaring towards you in any way and unreasonable, you need help or it will take you down.