I know this sounds horrible, but I spent the last 4 years of my life tending to the needs of my elderly mom (who never took care of me) who is now in a county run assisted living home, and I am contemplating bowing out of my responsibility.
Mostly I am fed up with how her social worker seems to be more concerned with the needs of the group home owner, than my mom's interests, and she keeps telling/reminding me that the program is not an "entitlement" program--it makes me feel as if she's saying I should be chipping in more of my own money to cover my mom's expenses.
First off--I stepped up to help my mom when her husband's sons evicted her the moment they put their dad into a nursing home. No one else would have helped her. If I hadn't, the county would have had to collect her off the street. I have never been close to my mom at all. She wasn't a good mother, but I felt I owed her at least a way to have a roof over her head, so I got her to sign a POA, and I made sure she had a home, food, Rx's and doctors visits. She has nothing but Social Security so when her dementia got worse she was able to qualify for the group home subsidy.
I signed a document, that was also signed by the home owner that stated they got her entire SS check except for $60/mo. I use the $60 to go toward her doctor visits, Rx's, vitamins and sundries that the home won't cover, but I still end up spending money out of my own pocket. After a few months, the home wanted her to chip in an additional $70 every 45 days for the required nurse's visits. Despite what the contract stated, the social worker encouraged me to pay it, basically saying the owner would boot my mom out if I didn't because she was "losing money" on her.
The social worker is annoying me, but I doubt the county has another person to assign to my mom, as I believe there is only one who covers the group homes. I suppose trying to find out who her supervisor is would be one option, but I am also feeling very resentful with having to do so much still, and wondering what is involved with turning her care completely over to the government. Just because we are related by blood, should I have to continue to supplement her needs until she dies?? Sorry this was so long. Any advice is appreciated.
Whatever you decide to do, don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You need to take care of yourself and prepare for your future. Good luck!
Good luck - definitely contact Council on Aging or whatever it's called in your area, the website will have lots of info to start with.
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