Has anyone taken Xanax to help with the intense anxiety/depression that comes with caring for a narcissistic mother with dementia?

I am dealing with a dementia elderly mother who now has terminal cancer and who I have been taking care of for several years. I’m afraid to take Xanax because it’s very addictive and you can get seizures when you try to stop it. I have a daughter who has had drug problems and she was on Xanax and she had to slowly lower the dose. Get a doctor to help you get on something else that isn’t addictive. I have a nerve disorder and my doctor prescribed gabapentin for it and that calms me down. Praying the rosary every day calms me while I’m doing it. I wish we were friends because I have no one I know who is going thru this. Plus I have heart flutters which I’m terrified of that I’m going to have a stroke any time now. And I have been diagnosed with GAD also. I think I’m going to put my mom into a nursing home any day now because it’s killing me taking care of her.

There are other meds besides benzodiazepines. Maybe ask your doctor about those? And there could be other options also. Not as immediate relief but meditation, walking, mindfulness,  journaling. So many other coping skills. And I get that may sound kinda hokey and sometimes a short walk is like climbing Mount Everest when you're a caregiver. I found myself doing that at while back. Taking meds to deal with a lifestyle of career, caring for my Mom, etc. Sometimes you can find a way to 'breathe' as you say, without sacrificing yourself or your Mom's care.

I have to to shut my mind down at night. My mom has been gone for three years but my husband went into a facility due to dementia right after my mom passed. I have started to replace it with CBD gummies, less side effects and they seem to work as well. Take care it is a very hard balancing act.

I was given Ativan, and only use it once in awhile, but boy does it help! So if you are on something that helps be glad you found it. You can come off it when the situation changes. And I love to walk in the fog,, makes things seem gentler somehow. Whatever works. and good luck!

I understand too your concern about dependency, I take a mild "benzo" as needed for GAD and really need it since I started caregiving for my mom. I'm lucky in that there's a daytime caregiver so I can go to work and be away, and I find that that helps a lot. But as the others have said you must tune in to how this is affecting you because like me, if it's suddenly driving you to more needed medication, it's time to say, unselfishly, "what about me."

That whole pouring from an empty cup sentiment has never been more true.

I also have GAD, which is really PTSD but, hey, anxiety is anxiety. (My root cause was childhood molestation by an older brother, and zero help or support when this came out. I was NOT alone, and so many of us have lifetime scars)

When I finally "accepted" that I was NOT Ok, about 20+ years ago, the first thing they gave me in the hospital was Xanax. OMG! Within 1/2 hour I went from panic and suicidal ideation to simply being me.

I had carried this anxiety for so many years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am on an antidepressant, which I will taper off of this Spring and I take Klonipin (Another benzo, but in my experience, much "gentler" and longer acting. It has literally saved my life.)

I am addicted, sadly, and while I am not proud of it, I also know that my "addiction" is a low dose one and I will probably be on this until I die. My psych doc really wants me to be on half the dose I am, but the inabilty to sleep some nights, along with the general personality "disorder" that I have--I get so anxious worrying about cutting pills into halves, quarters---it honestly is so anxiety producing....

My DH is really the reason I take them. He is hard to live with, a good man, but completely wrapped in his own life. Critical of me to the nth degree--and clueless that he hurts my feelings--I find I medicate much more when he is in town as opposed to traveling.

I cannot be judgmental about anyone's need to medicate to function. W/O my benzos, I KNOW I would have long since taken my own life. I know I am not alone in this.

It almost doesn't MATTER what the reason is for the need for help. I long since swallowed my pride and try to do better as time passes, and I do hope someday to be anxiety free.

And if I am not, that's OK.

You do what you need to do to be well.

I get your worry about taking meds, they are a double edged sword. To reduce
your fears about dependency try and get yourself as healthy as possible. Clean
diet (I found mostly paleo works for me, but there are many similar good ones)
exercise, social outlets even if only online, meditation. Once these
are all on board weaning yourself off should not be so difficult.

As for your symptoms dealing with narcissistic mom. Totally get it, I've been dealing with same as well as many physical issues as well. Not to freak you out
but just an fyi, many years of medication for endless bouts of bronchitis, PTSD,
etc have taken a huge toll on my body. So sooner you can get medication free
the better imho

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/mindfulness-meditation-may-ease-anxiety-mental-stress-201401086967

Why do people reach out to these chemical compositions when study after study shows meditation is good for some of these issues. There are several studies out there but here is one from Harvard.

If the care of Mom is causing you to medicate more than usual, maybe its time to fins alternatives for Mom. I realize that money could be a problem. Does she have enough to place her in an AL for two years? In my state, you can apply for Medicaid if you have paid 2 yrs or more. Then there is LTC under Medicaid. Her house won't count as an asset. Any assets she has will need to be spent down. If her SS and pension are under the Medicaid cap, she should have no problem being placed. If SS and pension are higher, there are ways around that like a Miller trust or something similar.

Is caring for Mom worth your health? I have never dealt with a narcissist but many on this forum are. Seems you will never win with Mom. As other people have posted, they have learned to set boundries or just walked away. Believe me, you are not the only person dealing with this.

I totally get your fear of addiction. From what I know it is a short term drug and you are using it correctly by using it sparingly.

I personally know of someone with a Xanax addiction, she took it after a terrible accident, had to go on disability, had a very successful career and suffered horrible anxiety. She did not use it sparingly. She abused it. Anyway, she is still addicted and it’s not pretty. Let’s just say, I will never get in a car with her ever again. She refuses to do rehab. So sad.

Anxiety is hell. I hope you find peace.

Sorry you're struggling with all the emotions and stresses with caring for your mom! I can understand your concerns about taking Xanax. You may want to consider talking to your doctor about trying one of several antidepressants with anti-anxiety effects. I'm thinking of Lexapro, but there are others. One drawback is they tend to take awhile to become fully effective, sometimes a month or so.

Just a thought.

It’s important to do what you need to do to stay healthy. I am not surprised that your already existing GAD has exacerbated, esp. if your circumstances have changed. Think of it like having any physical ailment; you would get it treated and not feel less than. Mental health issues are not a sign of weakness or a character flaw; this is chemical. Just work with your doctor and don’t self medicate in other ways. Therapy may be a great outlet, as is coming to a website like this with other people who need an outlet.