Has anyone navigated moving a smoker into memory care?

Residents in AL and LTC are free to smoke here in the same way as staff do - outside. I'm not sure how that would work in memory care, they'd need a secure outside area and staff would have to be in charge of the cigs and lighters.

That happened to my cousins house. My aunt couldn’t stop smoking and fell asleep next to the oxygen tank.. great one!
thankfully everyone got out in time, no injuries. Cousin’s house nor the Beanie Babies made it..
and that’s why there’s no smoking in the facilities.
question, if she can’t drive, how is she getting the ciragrettes?
My aunt did lose her legs to ongoing smoking… when she was put in a nursing home, this boy would visit his grandma and stare at my aunt with no legs… she told the hairdresser to dye her hair purple. After that the boy called her the lady with purple hair.
People associate lung issues to smoking, and I guess it affects arteries and veins as well , everything in body..,
I suppose everything in moderation.

My mom is in a similar position - mild cognitive decline with mild COPD. In 2022 she had a 30-day respite stay at an independent living / assisted living place to recover from a broken leg. She is a full pack a day smoker. She was not allowed to smoke in the building but was welcome to smoke outside, away from the entrance. The facility was well aware some residents smoke and even had trash barrels for cigarette butts and benches to sit on.

So all hope is not lost - you certainly can find a facility where she can have a couple of cigarettes outside. They do exist!!

If smoking is the one "joy"she has left, let her smoke.

How much more is she expected to give up?

Better for her to quit smoking altogether. It is making her COPD, dementia, and any other medical problems worse. Talk to her doctor about getting nicotine patches and/or nicotine gum as a substitute. Then, she can slowly be weaned off them AND be admitted into every memory care facility.

Oh yes they say the residents can't smoke, but the employees are out back puffing away... LOL When my smoking mom was in rehab, at a non smoking facility, they just wheeled the residents out front to the sidewalk and let them smoke. So there may be some leaway in the rules. But I agree if she only smokes one a day you may be able to placate her with a "fake" smoke. When my dad was in a non smoking MC, Mom, when visiting and my hubs just went to the parking lot. Where they talked to alot of the residents who were smoking with the staff who brought them out!

Why don’t you let the expensive memory care people deal with it? What are you paying them for, anyway? She will ask for that cig, and they will either wheel her out to puff it, or tell her NO, not happening…either way, you don’t have to be involved at all. Of course she will kvetch to you, but you just shrug and tell her to take it up with the nurses.

We told our love one they quit and don’t smoke anymore lol it worked

gardeningmama: Since she only smokes one cigarette per day AND has COPD, perhaps she can use a nicotine patch in order to rid her crutch. The day that she has to go on oxygen for the COPD will not be pretty, but a 'cold turkey' day.

Hello, My mom was a smoker for over 60 years. She currently has moderate dementia. Before her move into an ALF she would call my sister and I weekly to go buy her cigarette's, even though she had plenty on hand. I think she was afraid of running out. Once we moved her to AL she obviously had to stop. But what do we do? When we moved her to AL I brought a box of nicotine patches with me and asked that they be applied per the instructions. The ALF would not do this without a prescription. It took me over 2 weeks to finally get the ALF resident doctor to give the prescription and for ALF to start applying the patches. Within that 2 weeks without cigarettes my mom would repeatedly ask for a smoke, not only from me but would ask the caregivers too. It broke my heart. The caregivers would always tell her that they did not have any and eventually she stopped asking. I took candy, mostly suckers to keep her mind off of smoking. Within 6 weeks she stopped asking me and has not mentioned smoking since. Maybe she forgot she smoked. FYI, she developed diarrhea from all the candy she was eating eventually I stopped taking it to her. Good luck.

Imho, I'd let the transition take care of it. The time will come when you'll know if it is necessary or she has forgotten. Your mother is getting bumrushed by events behind her control, and sounds like you can tolerate this one, at least for the time being?

Are you using nicotine patches? Also gum, candy and deep breathing exercises. The breathing helped me years ago because the act of inhaling is very calming whether it’s smoke or fresh air. I used a pretend cigarette and inhaled.

My experience: My mama was a smoker since she was 16. She smoked at least a pack a day. When she got dementia she started to forget she smoked until she saw the package. As time went on we she smoked less and less. One day she just stopped asking for them and we never had that issue again.
My grandmother was a no filter camel smoker - yea the hard stuff. She went into a facility and they did not allow smoking - she just stopped. I remember visiting her and she never smoked again. This could happen to your mom - If I were in your position don't tell her don't bug her just let it happen. Telling her bugging her will only upset her. Blessings to you and yours.

I wouldn't bring it up at all while your mom lives with you. Let her enjoy her evening cigarette. If she has to move to a Memory Care Unit, she will adjust, possibly with the help of nicotine patches etc. She may not even want to smoke anymore at that point.
Unless smoking cessation is something she desires right now I would leave it alone.

Smokers will tell you that it is extremely difficult to quit.

Of course, your mom is grieving her many losses. I bet she looks forward to her ‘one’ cigarette per day.

I know that you don’t want to add to her stress or sadness. This doesn’t mean that you can accommodate everything that she desires.

The most important thing is to help her with what she truly needs.

My oldest brother (deceased) smoked like a chimney. I have horrible allergies and asthma. I never allowed him to smoke in my car or my home. He went outside to smoke.

They always placed a patch on my brother when he was in a hospital. I don’t remember if he had one on in his hospice facility.

I remember a time when I took my brother to the ER and he was in the triage area. He lit up a cigarette! I nearly died. I told him that if he didn’t put it out, I was leaving immediately. He reluctantly put out the cigarette.

Don’t compromise with your mom on things that bother you. She will adjust. She may be a bit cranky about it, which is normal. Everyone gets a bit cranky at times.

My daughters used to tell their friends when they had sleepovers to wait until I had my coffee before attempting to start a conversation with me. LOL 😆 I frequently heard their friends say, “My mom is the same way.”

Best wishes to you and your mom.

If your mom somewhat understands what is going on mention the possibility that she will have to be on oxygen for the COPD if that is the case she will not be able to smoke.
I would try transitioning her off the cigarettes.
When she runs out delay getting them and see how she handles it.
there are gums that she can chew that might help.
I would probably not try the medications as I understand there can be some nasty side effects and it might be difficult enough for people without dementia I would imagine it could be worse with dementia.
Most facilities will not permit smoking in the building but many have locations outside where residents can smoke.

Maybe get an answer from the administrator of a facility (one likely your Mom may go to). Honestly, if she only smokes 1 cigarette a day, I would try to just help her kick the habit by "running out" of the cigarettes and telling her more are on the way. If she can't handle the loss of 1 cigarette per day, I'm not sure if that's actually a physical addiction anymore. Also don't do anything to remind her that she used to smoke. Just see how it goes and decide from there.