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My dad recently moved to MC. he is prescribed Aricept twice daily along with lorazepam in the late afternoon. Apparently, if doctor approved residents may have up to 2 beers per day. My dad sees others with beer and now continuously asks for it. His sister brought him a 12 pack of beer and put it in the refrigerator of his room. I was LIVID and told the nurse to have it removed. He has had a drinking problem since as far back as I can remember. Prior to moving to MC, when living on his own, was kicked out of the local golf course bar for inappropriate behaviors, breaking things, stealing, etc. If he gets kicked out of here I have no idea where he will be able to go.

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Not sure medically what occurs with the combination of his illness, his medications and alcohol I would double check with his doctors if it is ok. When my mother was in memory care there was man there who loved beer and was so proud of his son in law who had a microbrewery. He had what he thought was beer everyday while there but it was actually non-alcoholic beer. So he was able to enjoy his beer and not have any of the side effects that alcohol brings. He never knew what he was drinking was 0% alcohol. I think it was from his son in law’s microbrewery.
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Since he’s in a facility it’s unlikely Dad will have access to several beers and cause a lit ruckus. If staff is willing to let him have a limit of 2 with the guys, why not? Sounds like an opportunity to cultivate friendships. ( I understand alcoholism, my first husband literally drank himself to death years ago. )
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One word: non-alcoholic! Even years before my 87-year-old husband with dementia had an issue with alcohol, I found several non-alcoholic beers that he quickly learned to like. I've since switched him to NA wine and more recently to NA "bourbon." We live in a CCRC in California's wine country, and there is actually a tavern in the community. In addition wine is a feature of a number of our community gatherings. The staff is quite creative when serving him the NA versions of beverages. His reaction often has to do with his mood. On a good day he'll comment that the quality of (beverage) is quite good; on a bad day "they're really cutting the quality around here." Overall his sense of taste has deteriorated significantly with aging. Kind of sad for someone whose business revolved around fine food and wines. He moved to memory care a week ago, and the NA beverages went with him.
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Amaretto is 20-28% alcohol as are most liquors.
Beer is usually 4-8% alcohol
Scotch (booze) can be 40-90% alcohol

Beer is not booze, nor is amaretto to or other liquors

A doc approving of a beer is not approving booze.
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yungstdaughter Feb 2023
Thank you for your reply! Thankfully, my father's doc has not approved beer, amaretto, or scotch☺ Nor any other alcoholic beverages. The medications he is taking, current agitation, along with his past abuse and inability to understand moderation all confirm it would not be a wise decision.
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A known alcoholic should not be around people who are drinking. In younger people they maybe able to control it but in someone with Dementia they can't. Thinking about what my mom used to say when neighborhood kids were over "If you don't have enough for everyone, nobody gets it" Sort of the same with this scenerio, if not all the residents can have it, then none of them should.
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Assisted Living centers are able to allow alcohol and happy hours, depending on the care level , Dr plan and interactions with meds each person is on. ...unless tge Activated Power of Attorney objects. If there is no POA, or Dr order written to not alliw alcohol, then the senior is still considered competent and can partake ..even if its not in his or her best interest. Memory Care should host Happy Hours, as often the seniors brain is impaired to the point where rational and reality based decisions are unable to be formed or the senior has reverted to a childlike developmental state. If a senior has had a drinking problem in the past that has caused him or her harm, or others , absolutely they should not be given alcohol. Just as you would not give an arsonist a gift wrapped box of matches. If they want to socialuze during AL Happy Hour, non alcoholic beverages should be offered. I think many peopke just are not aware of the differences between Assisted Living and Memory Care.
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yungstdaughter Feb 2023
Hi, yes my father absolutely is in a Memory Care Facility. I have Guardianship over him. The facility does not host a "happy hour" but if a resident's guardian and doctor does not object the resident is allowed 2 beers per day. There are a few men there that are allowed to go to the nurse's office each morning and get 2 beers from their supply. This is the one question I did not think to ask when moving my father to this facility. And I did consult with APS and a county social worker prior to moving him, both people knew my dad has aggression and had been abusing alcohol recently.
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My mother's nursing home had a happy hour where people (guests included) could have one alcoholic drink in a room specially set aside for occasions. I don't know who monitored which resident could have alcohol - - assuming it was monitored. I doubt it was allowed in the rooms.
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my mom's facility allows no alcohol or tobacco products
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Once a week, I bring my mother a bag of her favorite large oatmeal raisin cookies. She will eat one after the other, forgetting she’s already eaten 3 in 15 minutes. I can guarantee that those cookies are gone in one day!

No one has mentioned that with dementia, a person may forget that they had already had one beer. So, they might have another. And, another. And, another, til that 12 pack is GONE, in one session.

There is zero self awareness or self-regulation by the time most dementia patients arrive in MC.
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yungstdaughter Feb 2023
Agreed 100%. Prior to moving him to a facility he either would not take his medication or he would take twice as much. He is not aware what time, day, or month it is, much less what he ate for lunch.
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My Mom was allowed her wine in rehab, with a note from her Dr for a glass a night. It was labeled and in the med room, and they gave it her after dinner. I did laugh when I had to pick it when I brought her home and it had a med label on it!
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NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2023
That would make me giggle too. My husband’s great grandmother drank a beer everyday with her lunch. She lived to be just shy of 102!

She was a teeny tiny little spitfire. I loved her spirit. She had 12 children (large farm family in Houma, Louisiana) and spoke Cajun French.

She named all of her children after her favorite characters in the novels that she loved. How did she find time to read with 12 children? LOL 😆
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My BIL brought his Dad O'Doul's, and there wasn't a problem with them.

The AL where he and my Mom are, have "happy hour", but some residents get the non-alcoholic version, but if we're there, they'll give you the real stuff along with some other who live in the apartments there. They seem to know who is who, and what to serve to whom.
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There was definitely no alcohol in my mother's memory care. The residents did not need to be less inhibited! They already screamed, yelled, bickered, sang, tried to escape, and kissed other people when their partners weren't looking.
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Drug interaction. Liability. I can't imagine any facility would allow a MC resident to have unchecked access to booze, especially when they were alcoholics.
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lealonnie1 Feb 2023
I know, right? Not to mention being a 'tea totaller' has nothing to do with the common sense of NOT allowing elders with dementia to have alcohol; the interaction of the meds issue ALONE is self-explanatory. They also have no 'self regulation' mechanism in place or judgement skills, nor do they need to be less inhibited. As it is some MC residents are stripping naked, pooping on the carpets and chairs, fighting with one another, so how could a few drinks hurt THAT behavior? A drink can easily lead to 12 drinks. When mom was in AL, I'd BRING her liquor and Amaretto to keep in her apt. In Memory Care, there'd be NO WAY I'd bring her booze, with the issues she had going on and the pain meds she took. The brain is already damaged, imagine ADDING fuel to that fire?
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What I find odd is that there is a fridge in his memory care room. They have them is AL, but memory care that is a new one. Is he in MC or AL?

Don't make a big deal of this with dad until you have spoken with the doc. Do you live nearby? How often do you visit?

I don't see how a couple of beers will harm anything. Pick your battles with medications he takes in mind.

How do you define drinking problem? One of two beers a day? A fifth of vodka a day? What do you know, first hand, about dad being tossed out of the bar? How long ago was that and how old was he?

Sorry, but there are so many tea totallers here that any alcohol is too much alcohol.
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yungstdaughter Feb 2023
Hi, yes my father absolutely is in a Memory Care Facility. I have Guardianship over him. If a resident's guardian and doctor does not object the resident is allowed 2 beers per day. There are a few men there that are allowed to go to the nurse's office each morning and get 2 beers from their supply.
All residents have refrigerators in their rooms. Housekeeping cleans the apartments weekly. I visit my dad daily. I bring him bottled water and a few caffeine free diet cokes because he likes them. My father was fall down drunk nearly every weekend while I was growing up and physically abusive to my mother. I do consider that a drinking problem. On all applications I specifically noted alcoholism.
The one question I did not think to ask when moving my father to this facility was if they allowed alcohol. And I did consult with APS and a county social worker prior to moving him, both people knew my dad has aggression and had been abusing alcohol recently.
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This is crazy! I can’t imagine a resident in memory care being allowed beer, especially if the person has a history of addiction.

Assisted living facilities allow alcoholic beverages but not memory care. I toured both when I was considering placing my mom.

The memory care facility didn’t even allow a microwave in the rooms! When I asked why they said that residents were burning popcorn in their rooms and other mishaps when they tried to heat up food.

What is going on with your aunt? I would tell her that you didn’t appreciate her bringing beer to your dad and not to do it again. You were right to ask that the beer was removed.
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JoAnn29 Feb 2023
We had a women who had water on the brain. This causes Dementia like symptoms. At home, she put her new hearing aid in the microwave and turned it on. When her husband asked why, she said to warm it up.
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Yes, I am surprised too. If one person can't have it, none of them should. I would talk to the head nurse or director and ask why they allow this. Then tell them that Dad is an alcoholic and can get out of cintrol. He is to have none unless non-alcoholic. Have a dated letter with he cannot have beer/alcohol and the reasons why. Also saying you have given them fair warning so if he is given it. Its on them.

Have a copy handy with a note at the bottom were the director signs that his is now aware of the consequences if Dad is given beer. I would also note in the letter that no one is to bring him beer from the outside unless non-alcoholic. If they do, the person is to be asked to take it off the premises.

I would then call Dear Aunt and tell her that you have contacted the director that no alcohol is to be brought in to Dad. If she does sneak some in and Dad causes damages, you will direct the facility to bill her. And, if you find she has even tried to bring alcohol in, you will ban her from visiting.

An alcoholic cannot have one beer or one drink. There is no such thing. I have a neighbor who loved my rum mince pies. I was asked by his wife if I could make them with no rum. Seems even the taste of the rum (alcohol dissipates during cooking) can set an alcoholic to drinking.
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yungstdaughter Feb 2023
Excellent ideas, thank you so much!!
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No. The 2 memory care ALs I am associated with have a NO ALCOHOL rule in place. The MC I worked in would allow O'Douls non alcoholic beer IF the doc prescribed it only. Your aunt is RIDICULOUS providing him with beer. You may want to replace it w non alcoholic beer or nothing, depending on his reaction to non alcoholic beer. Beer is one of drinks that many crave the taste of rather than the alcohol content.
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NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2023
O’Douls is a great suggestion!
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No, of course with a history of alcoholism your Dad cannot have the beer in his room. If it is your choice for his end of life care to allow him a beer a day that can be incorporated into his care plan if you like; speak with administration as to checking his room for alcohol if your family isn't cooperating with limiting it.
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A few things here.
Yes facilities often will allow residents to have alcoholic beverages.
Many IL and AL have "bars" where residents can either keep their bottles in a locked area or they have an actual bar and drinks are sold.
In MC alcohol can be provided but in most cases it is more controlled.
IF his doctor thinks that alcohol can be served to him SAFELY his record should indicate that. IF his doctor does not think it is safe then that should also be indicated.
If whoever is POA for Health does not want him drinking that should be indicated as well and those orders should be followed.
IF the beer is of great importance to him I would say switch, gradually if need be, to a non alcoholic beer.
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Same here. I've toured assisted living with a huge bar in the common room. They also allowed you to keep a limited amount of alcohol in your private room. Not sure about memory care though.
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I know that a lot of assisted living facilities allow alcohol. In fact many have a "happy hour."
I've never heard of a memory care allowing it though. With peoples minds already messed up from dementia, it seems like a ticket for disaster.
Plus mixing any alcohol with a lot of the medications these folks can be on, can be harmful as well.
If the facility can make sure that your dad ONLY gets 2 beers a day, that in all reality should be ok and not cause him to act inappropriately. I would be more concerned how it would react with his lorazepam.
Check with his doctor and explain to him/her what you've said here and let them decide.
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