I have detailed my mom's craziness many time so will not go over that.
Botton line, her anxiety is through the roof. When my dad was going down from ALZ a few years ago and health professionals came over, they said they are not worried about my dad, but my mom. They would use terms like her anxiety is through the roof, off the charts. You name it, they said it.
It's getting worse and driving everyone crazy, especially me as I am the primary caregiver . Every issue is anxiety producing for her, the smallest unanswered question causes her huge anxiety and she calls me to help
I can of course can not answer the phone all the time, but in the meanwhile she is driving fellow residents at her independent living facility crazy. The staff there tells me I must be a saint to put up with her.
One time when she was in rehab after breaking a pelvis, the RN who was primarily responsible for her (and coordinated others like PTs, OTs, etc.) gingerly approached me and asked if it was OK if she had a psychiatric nurse visit my mom. I suppose some might find that offensive. I said OK, please, please send one! The psychiatric nurse visited and spent time with my mom and asked me if she was on any anxiety meds. I said a small dose of prozac. The psych nurse sort of snorted and said prozac for my mom was like giving an aspirin to someone with a brain tumor.
She listed some high power drugs to bring to my mom's doctor. My mom's doctor was a bit miffed by being told what to do by a nurse, but second said they are high powered drugs that she, as a GP should not really be prescribing. Third, she said my mom would never take them as my mom reads all the warnings that come with any drug and gets scared.
My moms GP has basically had it with my mom and given up. I don't blame her. She tells me that she is in an exam room with my mom for ten minutes and is worn out.
Anyway, I did not mean to ramble this long. Any ideas of what to do? I think my mom's next stop is not assisted living, but rather some mental health facility.
Find a good geriatric psychiatrist. Make an appointment. Take mom.
Perhaps you need to say "mom, your anxiety and OCD are making me crazy. If you don't get treatment, I am going to have to step away from helping you to protect my own mental health".
It's her choice to get treatment or not. And YOUR choice to continue grinning and bearing it.
A gentle, soft spoken lady entered our lives as she entered my LO’s room, and she was able to interpret for us, as no one ever had, the crime and cruelty of the illness that had invaded my LO’s fragile life.
She and her coworkers were with my LO until we lost her in December 2022.
I will never forget the Blessing they were to her last years.
I honestly have no idea how you can help a mentally ill parent. We have never seen anyone I know of on Forum have any success, nor have I seen it as a nurse.
Sadly my own advice to families is not to attempt POA or conservatorship/guardianship.
I always recommend Liz Scheier's excellent Memoir, Never Simple. Ms. S. tried for decades to help her mentally ill mom along with the help and auspices of New York City and State. All to no avail.
I wish I had better ideas for you and hope others do, and am so sorry for all you deal with.
I know this sounds cruel, but there is simply no good way to care for a mentally ill person who won't take their meds if you have no authority.
Tell them to send her to a psychiatric hospital.
And if you haven't already, read Liz Scheier's Never Simple.
Would have been cheaper to have helped her, rather than let 6 kids get messed up.
I really feel for you! I watched my MIL deal with a mentally ill mother. I use the word mother very loosely because she was anything but a mother to my MIL growing up!
My MIL would pray that her father would divorce her mom when she was a young child so that her dad, a very kind man would be happy.
Unfortunately, some people never find the help they need and live their entire lives in complete misery and they try to take everyone else down with them. It’s horribly sad.
I don’t believe these people are capable of feeling love for anyone, not their spouses or their children. They have no friends because they don’t know how to be a friend to anyone.
I found that extremely kind nurses were able to speak to my mother about her anxiety and depression. My mom hid her depression and anxiety at times because she saw it as being a failure. She was the rock in our family that held it together when my brother went off the rails.
Our parents were part of the ‘Pull yourself up by your bootstraps generation!’ They didn’t feel comfortable speaking about anything that was bothering them. For the most part they had to grin and bear it.
You shouldn’t grin and bear it. You should do whatever you need to do to find peace in your life.
Wishing you all the best, Karsten and I truly hope that this will all be behind you one day. Take care.
Apparently, even though we lived in moderately large metro area (about four millions) I have been told geriatric psychiatrists are few and far between in this area, and almost impossible to find one
I dont get that
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