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My purpose would be for information about how my loved one is treated that the higher ups might not know or want to disclose. Another reason might be to give my loved one special attention.


He’s only been there one week. This is a totally new and upsetting experience for me.

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This would be unethical for an employee to do this. I would not have my LO in a facility that I trusted so little.
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Reply to Bridger46164
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I can’t imagine doing that. Personally, I would feel like I was bribing them.

I don’t think paying additional money is the right thing to do.

The staff have an incredibly tough job. They chose this job because they truly care for others. I think of my mom’s nurses and aides in hospice as angels!

I would never insult them by thinking if I threw them a few extra bucks that they would do a better job.

Like JoAnn pointed out, they are professionals that have been trained to provide medical care. My hat is off to all medical staff from doctors to aides.

I am sure it’s like any other profession, there are some people who are better at it than others but I bet that we wouldn’t be as critical if we had to do their job!
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I doubt your Mom would be treated any better. My daughter an LPN and later an RN worked in rehabs NHs for 20 yrs. She says all residents are treated the same because staff are not told who are private pay and who is Medicaid. Plus as said, doing this is unethical.

Aides have a certain # of residents to care for. Have you ever had to dress someone who can no longer dress themselves. Well aides have 10 or more that need to be upped and dressed by breakfast. They can't give anyone patient special care. We had a nice man on her feeling that the aide should make sure his wife had her favorite jewelry on. I told him he would be lucky if her clothes matched. Then I explained to him the morning routine in a NH. He then understood that his wife would not get the special treatment he gave her when she lived home.

Believe me, I was OCD about my Mom. I had to finally except that her hair would never be combed properly. I put her outfits together on one hanger so she matched. Also made the aides job a little easier. She had Dementia but I felt she should look her best. I asked my daughter what I should complain about and what to let go. I was lucky though, I was able to check on Mom regularly. At the AL I baked and left it in the break room.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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100% not permitted. The employee could lose their job. I wasn't even allowed to make cookies for the entire staff of my mom's place because it can be interpreted as trying to get my mom treated better than anyone else.

If you have reason to believe the facility people aren't being straight with you, then get your loved one out of there. However, since it's been all of a week, just relax and let your LO get acclimated. Establish positive relationships with the people there, and don't be overly demanding or make complaints over things you might not understand.

You're the new kid on the block, so just take the time to learn how things are done. If you don't understand, ask questions but don't make waves.
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Reply to MJ1929
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Don't you think that obtaining information that way would be unreliable? The person you pay may make up things for money.

You could probably hire a outside caregiver, but clear it with the facility.
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Reply to gladimhere
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This type of practice would probably not be permitted in the facility.
Why not treat the caregivers with respect, all of them.
Greet them warmly when you see them when you visit.
Visit as often as you can. Staff will get to know you.
If you visit in the morning stop and buy a large box or two of donuts, or bring a basket of fruit once in a while.
Treat other residents with respect as well.
To sum it up..treat others how you would want to be treated and how you want your loved one treated.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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