Has anyone found a devastating secret from elderly parents concerning finances?

Why do you have to put it aside and keep silent about it? I would tell your parents that since things are such a mess and they favor your brother it should land squarely in his lap. They obviously favor him so he should be responsible for their care. Why should the girls do all the caregiving?

When I became my aunt's POA, and moved her into our home in another state, We went together to withdraw her moneys, then opened new accounts local to us.  I insisted.  Then, for the first year or so, I paid her bills with her signature on the checks, and she made sure I had the right address, a stamp, and check enclosed.  Soon she let go of that also. 

You need to open a new acct. with your parents, and have your name on checks (and keep the checkbook.)  One or both can watch you pay, check your work, whatever it takes, but as POA you have to get started.

If you honestly think that your parents would have told you no if it were you who needed money then I feel for you but just because he asked for it and you didn't doesn't make him the favorite it just makes him the neediest. Also if you did accept money from them for whatever reason would you necessarily want your siblings to know about it? It seems like all the posts on here about this are from jealous sisters. Is there any one out there who borrowed money from their parents and didn't tell there siblings? I'm sure there's another side here.

My best advice is, "Let it go," and remember they had it to give at the time and since it was their money, it was for them to make the decision to do with it what they pleased.

Nothing separates people more often than "money matters" so remember it's "family that matters" and move on. You'll be glad you did years to come.

Abby,

I don’t know how all of this will resolve itself but you have shown that you have intelligence and very responsible. I have faith in you. You are the voice of reason. You know that.

Yes on a much smaller scale. Parents had been giving 10k a year for several years to a very adult child (or very child adult) who doesn't work but does spend and seems to forget about taxes until last minute. Now they are out of money and that "child" doesn't even call. The money would have covered about 10 months of expenses he knows I now pay. I just look at it like a mental illness. He justified wasting money on extravagant travel and leaning on parents rather than workingand saving, He has to live with himself. Fortunately, I don't have to.

My father was always very secretive about finances. Mom survived a ruptured brain aneurysm at age 64 just weeks before her scheduled retirement from career as a high school teacher. It left her permanently brain damaged with no short term memory and communication difficulties. My parents' only asset was the home where we grew up. When Dad's heart disease got really bad, the home was sold and they moved to a rental home close to my older sister. The money from sale of home was all they had for retirement. When Dad died at age 72, we found that Dad lost virtually all the money to telemarketing scammers. Example: he supposedly won a new Cadillac. All he had to do was send $10,000 for taxes via wire transfer and the car would be delivered. He had 20 garbage bags full of sweepstakes letters he was supposed to keep in case he won. Sweepstakes all had "entry fees". Seems all the scammers in the country had his telephone number on speed dial. My only brother realized how naive and vulnerable Dad was and brought his own promises of riches galore if Dad gave him money to "invest in lucrative business adventures."

My three sisters and I had no idea what was going on. If we had known, we might have been able to intervene by having Dad declared incompetent and have a conservator appointed to handle parents' finances. Dad died at age 72 and left nothing to care for my disabled mother. She has lived 30 years since his death. My older sister took over her care. Mom had just Social Security and a small teacher's pension to pay for elder daycare (my sister was employed) and the expenses associated with the care of a severely disabled senior.

My brother has not visited Mom even once since Dad's death. He calls my sister often asking for a "cash advance" on his future inheritance. He does not accept that all of my parents' money is gone and there is no inheritance. He accuses my sister of squandering their money when, in reality, my sister has spent all her own retirement fund caring for Mom.

Mom has been in a nursing home the past two years with Medicaid and Medicare footing the bill. She is 94 and we are on death vigil. My brother is waiting at a distance for his inheritance. He believes Dad left everything to him, the only son. Imagine his disappointment when he realizes there isn't a single penny for him to inherit.

OP, I have read this thread and am in great admiration of your attitude. Not sure I could have. You have gotten good, heartfelt advice. I am so sorry you are dealing with. No hardball like family, eh?

Best to you, op. I hope you stay with us. I periodically have to take a break.

I re read my reply. I didn't mean for it to come across so judge. I just meant that that sometimes the black sheep in families sometimes for whatever reason needs more help. You never said how long ago your brother received the money or how old your parents were at the time. In my family (dad is on his fifth wife so is step mom) things aren't ever black and white. My mom and her older sisters found out my grand parents decided to help their only brother. "Uncle screw up". He had finally hit rock bottom through drug use and using there generosity for selfish reasons. I talked with my grandparents about It. I had managed to stay out of it for a while but my uncle through all his faults had a big heart and they new he wasn't a bad person underneath. My mom and aunt's thought he had been given all the chances he should get but my grandparents would have done anything to try and save their son. They said, and I believe them, that they would have done anything for their girls too but they all had financially stable lives.
Mom was pissed because at the time she had an opportunity to buy a home she had been renting when I was still in school and living at home and they wouldn't help. I love mom with all my heart but she hadn't spoken to grandma in about ten years after an affair was found out and would only talk to my grandpa. The grandparents had worked things out and Grandpa had begged her to forgive grandma. She was stubborn and wouldn't. So I didn't get to have the Christmas dinner with my grandparents etc. Which she would just brush off. I had to go around her and my aunt's back to see them. My uncle who is the youngest had had several failed rehabs but had come to a point that he was homeless and hustling for his drugs. He had even stole from his parents on several occasions. The sisters knew about this. None of them would ever think about helping him because they said he had been given more opportunities than they got growing up.
Its not a happy ending. Uncle went to rehab and was clean and working for a while but relapsed shortly after and whithin a year he over dosed and died.
The sisters were sad but their underlying attitude was he got what he got because he was a bad person. They never talked about him after that until they found out just how much money he had "borrowed".
He was my favorite uncle when I was growing up. I knew he had problems but he was kind and genuine. He just couldn't beat his addictions. The fact that my grandparents had to sneak around to help him broke my heart. When mom and her sisters through such a fit about it pissed me off.
Im not saying this is anywhere close to your situation but some of the other posters may have had something similar.
I just tried to point out that some of us have experienced it from the other side.