I am worried that my DH will not settle down in permanent care. He has his phone and calls every half hour. It was the same with his two previous respite stays
This is because with FTD they don’t forget and DH is also obsessive. Staff have advised me not to answer phone or visit for at least a week but I know this will not stop.
Has anybody experienced the person in care never settling in? I would appreciate advice
Some will say they’re longing for their childhood home, but this is not the case with her - she knows her address and used to draw a map to get there - recently she said she just wanted to be in her family room so she could read and watch TV
Yes, it breaks my heart - but she’s immobile and often is a 2 person assist - there’s no way I could do it alone at home which isn’t fit for a wide wheelchair
dementia is a long tiring journey for everyone - I tell myself all the time - buck up, it could be worse
Do you mind if I think it through in type?
What are you worried about?
The impact on him, what he is experiencing in his head when he makes these calls?
Does answering or not answering make any difference to HIS wellbeing?
What are you hoping will happen - that he will form bonds with the people in his care home and loosen those he has with you and his son? How would you feel about that if it did happen?
I'm sorry, I'm just firing questions at you. But it seems improbable that you can alter *his* behaviour, so that only leaves your own. I'm hoping that thinking through what you can realistically do/hope for and what you can't do however much you'd like to will help you decide how to respond.
What discussions have you had with the people taking charge, and how much confidence do you have in them?
after a stint in the hospital from a fall I was told she could no longer live in an ALF so she was placed in a skilled nursing facility. This one I found through referral is nice, smells very clean with lots of staff and therapies. In any group there are always personalities that aren't going to gel and it takes time to understand a patient. So I think its going well. I'm there every other day it's close to my home and so much easier for me to drop in for a visit. After only 6 weeks of being there she just told me she wants me to find another nursing home for her to go to.
Just yesterday I decided to let go the leash and let her make a mess of things all by herself by engaging others who have no clue what they or she is doing. She will eventually alienate people - but that is her MO. I don't need the constant stress she brings.
Thanks for the writing out loud the steps to think through. Glad I read this thread.