Has anyone ever lost interest in things you use to enjoy or were excited about because of caregiving?

Yes.

I also got extensive counseling.

I took a book out of the library a few weeks ago. I got to page two.

I find any of the things I liked to do now don’t keep my attention.

I lack the interest to do any fun activities that require effort.

I can so relate. Mom passed two years ago and prior to that (2019) I became the person for doctor's appts., med dispensing, and pretty much managing my parents household. When my mother died, my responsibility was ramped up with caring for my dad who was almost immediately eligible for Hospice care because of increasingly worsening CHF. He's been receiving. services for over a year now and I'm wearing out. Boundaries are blurred and I feel time slipping away. I'm 73 and so much I want to do, has been put on the back burner. The only thing that excites me at this juncture is a good nights rest. I can only hope when this corner is turned I can take a deep breath and begin to search for that person who diminished bit by bit over the past five years. With a little luck, I'll find her. I hope you do too :)

I have similar feelings .
I have been a caregiver for most of my adult life . Now I am 66 years old and still caregiver for my 90 year old mom . My husband is 73 has mild cognitive impairment along with severe hearing loss .
I can no longer recover from my exhaustion . I have a short fuse and like you have lost interest in most things . I set boundaries and have the time to relax however I know I will never be free of this caretaking role .
I have read books on care giving and I have attended support groups and hired help . I am just plain tired no matter what .
Sounds whinny but most people who aren't long term caregivers are clueless to the toll it has on us .
All I can do is keep putting one foot in front of other and keep being grateful for my many other blessings ,

Oh yeah. Sucks the life out of me.

Yes. I just feel numb when I think about things I used to do for enjoyment. I'm all about survival.

I haven’t lost interest I’m just bummed I haven’t been able to paint in six years. My mom is 90 at about stage six. I did botanical watercolor art. My sister lives two hours away and comes up fairly often to give me a break. When she comes up I am so stressed I just don’t have the energy to paint. I usually use the time to catch up on other things in my life that have gone by the wayside. I do know that once she’s gone, I am looking forward to getting back into it. I just hope it’s sooner than later.

I am 80 years old and have me caring for my semi-paralyzed husband for the past 10 years. Fortunately, I have a great family; his family is completely useless.
Although it is becoming physically difficult for me and am unable to get away without costing thousands of dollars, I maintain as much of a social life as possible.

Yes caregiving was a full time job. I gave up my business to care for my wife now that she is gone I find it difficult to get motivated to do anything.

I can relate to all of you ! I recently decided to do something for myself so I got an hour back massage--it was wonderful and I am going back in 4 weeks! I also reached out to a friend who is a widow now but was in a very similar situation as I was and we are going out to lunch and then a solar eclipse event together-something to look forward to! I also have what I call my quiet time every day, reading my bible, praying, It brings me a lot of comfort and yes even peace and joy! Hope this will all help some of you.

Wow! FB, your post has really hit home with many of us.

My mother died last month and after caring for her and my father who died 4 years ago, I have been struggling to figure out what I might enjoy. It’s been 15 years since I started driving them to appointments and checking in with them regularly. My father’s dementia continued to progress and they both started falling regularly. Before that, and during that, I raised 3 children. I haven’t had time to myself for so long that I don’t even know what I’m interested in. Anxiety and depression have plagued me for years, but are beginning to lessen.

Anyway, to answer your question, FB, yes. Yes, I know how you feel.

I'm sorry about your difficult situation with caregiving. Whoever is being cared for should go into a facility to free your responsibilities so you can return to what you enjoyed. Therapy does help. Do you have health insurance that covers your therapy? It should also help you with weekly therapy.

I have died inside. Nothing's left. Pumped empty. No feelings. Dry, except I cry all the time

Yes. I feel like my life is over and there is nothing to look forward to.

I totally know what you mean. I don't want to do anything and am stressed when stuff comes up-- even supposedly fun stuff. I do sing in a choir and am a substitute teacher in the school where I retired but I am also my 98 year old mother's main caregiver (she is amazingly strong and healthy) and also my husband's (he has memory loss and other health issues). But the stress and anxiety are enormous. I, too, am in bi-weekly therapy which is very helpful but I still feel like I'm drowning. May we all find peace somehow during these awful, awful times. Thanks for your note. I know I'm not alone in this, as lonely as it always feels.

Hi there,
So sorry that you are experiencing this. Maybe you’re taking on too much from the person. Our energetic bodies take on stuff that we may not be aware of. My suggestion is to do some grounding exercise, walking on the grass in bare feet is good. Deep breathing and yoga (stretching).
Whatever spiritual journey your on while have an effect. I for one am a Christian and rely on God for strength and also have been given knowledge to help others and myself. It’s not an easy journey. In fact my Mom who is 83 and may be getting dementia is actually teaching me patience not only with her but myself. Also a reminder to take better care of myself. Because what good are you if you don’t take good care of yourself? You won’t be much to anybody else. But I agree I have not been into my art as much and this note from you resonated with me. So I feel that I can incorporate my art someway with my mom when she is feeling better on days she’s not in pain. It’s tricky management, but with prayer and consistency you will reap what you've sown. God bless you .

I noticed that caretaking is like a Greek tragedy that requires a full syringe of dark humor every once in awhile. With me, it's witty sarcasm. I couldn't live without it.

Ray Bradbury, science fiction writer, said, "You must stay drunk on writing so that reality does not destroy you." We cannot surrender our imagination to the reality of dementia/brain trauma. Our budget is tight. I grit my teeth at the cost, and finally found a laundry service willing to pick up stuff soaked with urine. It has made a huge difference. (Feces are another matter.) Sometimes my husband is so scary. Still ambulatory, sorta, fights using a walker, bangs at my bedroom door at 3:00 a.m, turns on the light over and over and over yelling at me to get up. I keep a suitcase packed and have access to a window. I now bribe him with chocolate. If he is kind, he gets a chocolate bar next day. I forced myself to write a humorous piece about this reality. Yes, two glasses of wine, and wanting a third I self medicated in a negative way. He likes to fake falls. I can't get him up. I've called the fire department to help me. So many falls, I was accused of elder abuse and investigated for three months. He loves the attention of the medics. No money for assisted living. Yes, yes, yes, I am completely withdrawn socially. A retired English teacher, students used to look me up. So many friends. I make myself put on make-up. I dress up one day a week even if my prettiest dress gets poop on it. Nearly 80 years old, a sound mind, and living in a mad house, I may despair at times, but this will NOT destroy me. That man I care for, despite his recent attempts at abuse, despite his having a private life I never knew about, is a wretched human being. The love that motivates me is something beyond myself; I actually detest him. And I am not a victim. I feel toward him like some of the miserable wretches sleeping in the downtown streets. Every day I pray for the grace to prevail; to find something, even dark humor, in the human tragedy.

Hi. In June '21 my brother was diagnosed with PD. He was already on a walker with balance issues. Doctors did not want him living alone.
I moved from OH to IL to care for him, as he has nobody else that will and/or can. I left two daughters and four grandkids there. The youngest are just 5&8.
My brother is now 74, I'm now 65. He is literally twice my size. I already had torn rotator cuff, then in Dec I tripped over his bed frame, broke my hip, had three screws put in, and was only in hospital about 24hrs. STILL doing everything for my brother. Then he was sitting in the wheelchair so he could work at desk. Couldn't get up. So...bad shoulder, bad hip to get him up. Now my knee is bad, too.
He will not get any help in. He pays me, but it doesn't make up for the job he was adamant I quit.
Laundry all too often. He wears pull ups, but uses condom catheters, which I have to put on and they have a tendency to come off.
I feel totally depressed, stressed, and wonder if I'll ever be able to move back home while I can still enjoy family.
Sorry this is so long.

Watching my Dh become a sad, angry, depressed man in the course of a year as he helped his sibs to prop their mom up in her home so she could be 'independent'--has been awful.

She passed 2 weeks ago. DH has slept 5 of the days since, literally does not get out of bed at all. He has things to do, he's the executor and he's dragging his feet on that--but the worst part is that he takes all uncomfortable emotions and segues them into anger. Directed at me. So I can share his depression? Thank you, no.

Yesterday the stuff hit the fan. He was supposed to go help move the furniture out of the ALF apartment and mil's home. He was gone less than an hour, came back home and laid in his recliner for hours. I was going insane, knowing his sibs were doing all this work and he was nowhere to be found. I finally asked him if he was going to get up and accomplish something--and he just blew up at me. I don't cry easily, but I did shed a few tears. I left. Wrote him a note saying that I was simply going to get away from him, for his sake. I was gone all day long.

When I got home at 9 pm, he met me at the door "where have you been all day". I replied "places". And I did not want to talk to him or look at him.

Kind of shot myself in the foot, since I was angry and hurt and I couldn't sleep. So I read all night and finally fell asleep about 5 am.

He's still in bed and it's close on noon. Looks like today will be another 'day of sleep'.

I truly do not know if he is ever going to come back to being anything close to 'himself'. He does nothing but watch TV and scroll on his phone.

Desperately needs therapy and a different antidepressant. I am trying to be sensitive to his anger, sadness and pain--but we he simply shouts at me, he knows that will shut me down.

We all know that in a marriage, one person's emotions influence the others. I'm struggling to keep my head above water.

I know that he is going through a lot of emotion, this mother was not a nice person and not a nice mother. He took nothing from her house, except a brooch that he had given her 50 years ago. I'm trying to be patient, but it's been years of dealing with his mom and her demands. It's going to take time to heal him, if he ever does.

CG in the home, in this case, was absolutely the stupidest/worst idea these 'kids' had. All 3 of them are suffering. Maybe when the inheritance checks start rolling in they will feel better-I've heard that can happen.

Yes, and my mom is not even in the final stages. My motivation, energy, and enthusiasm for writing and for life in general is gone...it really sucks. I am trying different ways to reach out to others and also engage in more self-care. I have already given up so much of my life and am close to the point where I cannot do it anymore. My siblings live close but don't help much, which makes it worse...I will not have any problem putting my mom in care when it's time, but I am scared my whole life by then will be disintigrated.

I couldn't agree more with all the answers. CG led me down a road to my own destruction. The stress took me to depression, apathy, and suicidality. I lost all hope for a normal life finding no joy in anything. I was literally on my knees when finally I made the decision to put my mom in care. It's been a couple of months now and I'm only starting to climb out of the hole I've been living in for years. If it hadn't for the support of my wife and my therapist I don't think I would have made it through.All I could do today was to not let hope become a memory and remember sometimes darkness can show you the light.

I can definitely relate. I was caring for both mom and dad. I couldn’t get any help from family and I was overwhelmed. I had no life and couldn’t do any of the things I enjoyed prior to moving them into my home. Dad recently passed away. I have slightly more freedom to move around and resume activities now but now my interest has noticeably dwindled.
As uncomfortable as it may seem at first , it’s important to force yourself “back into life”. I had to learn to start slow with resuming maybe one or two familiar activities. My advice to you would be to force yourself to get out. Set boundaries to create balance so you too can enjoy life.

I definitely have. It was months before I, who used to read a couple of books a week, had read no books for a long time. My knitting sits in a box on the floor. I want so badly to go places and see new things and feel so trapped and bored and at times angry. I would not have my husband cared for by anyone else but I feel very hopeless as he could live for a number of years yet. I have had counseling and tried support groups, which have helped me deal with aspects of caregiving, but they do not change our situation. I checked online and saw a stat that said 1 in 5 caregivers suffer from depression. Honestly I think that’s underreporting; how could anyone stay upbeat and happy in this situation? I have had several deep conversations with my doctor and I am exploring some mild antidepressant meds. I want to feel happy again and can’t by myself. Good luck, all.

Yes, definitely. I’m in the same boat with counseling - insurance is lacking when it comes to mental health.

Yes absolutely.

Yes I’ve had that experience. I think it’s a classic symptom of depression.

I gave way to tears when I read your question. I feel this way too & do not recognize myself. Sadly, I do not even remember what I use to enjoy doing. Now I realize I am not alone feeling this way. Caregivers need so much support as it takes a toll mentally, emotionally, physically, financially etc.

I am “sandwiched” between raising my 12-year daughter & caregiver to my now 92-year mother. Plus I work a full time job. I feel like I’m taking care of two children. My husband helps with our daughter mostly. My life revolves around taking care of my mother, my child, full time job….. My employer was flexible to allow me to work from home 3-days.

My mother's caregiving came unexpectedly 2-years ago. She was an independent fiesty 90-year old, living alone & driving. Sadly heart event changed all our lives overnight. My mother has moved into our home to be cared for. Sadly my other sibling is retired, lives nearby & is NOT involved with our mother’s care. She “don’t want to do this & want to enjoy her retirement.” Thus, caregiving fell completely on me with support of my husband & daughter. It’s been an adjustment for all.

I’ve been so stressed with it all that I see a therapist/counselor weekly to help me cope. Now, I will start To vent to a stranger is helpful. My close girlfriends could not understand as they did not have that experience with their mothers. It became entertaining to them to hear as my mother is not nice at times to me. Slowly I drifted away from my friends as I felt not supported, encouraged, nor relatable. I’ve found the invites to get together are less due to “caring for my mom”.

I found through researching local & state senior care etc that I can get caregiver support. There is respite care through local & state agencies including support with an aide, help with errands for my mother, caregiver support etc.

Seek out the local Area Agency on Aging or Council on Aging. Seek out your State Department on Aging. Also look into Department of Social Services - Family and Social Services section for Adult Services or Seniors.

My “me-time” has turned into hair appointment & nails. I alternate weeks for these services so I get something done weekly. It’s my 1-2hours of “me-time”. Now I was not one for fancy nails. The lady saw how tired & down I always look. She asked can she give me a nail design to make me smile. For winter she did a snowman & snowflakes. Well, it made me smile. Even a conversation starter when in stores. It now turned into my happy time. Just a little something has made me smile. Now, I look forward to nail-time. ☺️. Also, long drives listening to music helps. It’s not something I use to do. It’s a new thing I do. So find your new something to do.

Yes. He was in the hospital for a week and rehab for two weeks. I was just starting to be myself when he came back. Now I’m back in that old rut

I can’t believe I’m reading this now
I’m in the EXACT SAME SITUATION
and it feels like it’s depleted who I am😞