Has anyone ever lost interest in things you use to enjoy or were excited about because of caregiving?

Yes, good to know I'm not alone. I'm actually a bit scared by it. I really don't enjoy much anymore and feel uninspired to pursue any creative outlets. Saw a therapist who was good, but my mother's doc has been trying to get mom on an anti-depressant because of her negativity and lack of interest in anything but reading. She's a fantastic fine artist. She is deeply critical and can't help herself, no matter how often I beg her to back off. My husband is thriving, and tries to ignore her, which works not at all. This position was not what he had in mind for his retirement years. Thanks for bringing up your concerns... hopefully, we can figure something out! Best!

I feel you “the damage is done”. I got my mom resettled and thought i was going to jump back into my life. Nope. I echo everyone on here. I’m glad i found this forum and all you beautiful souls.

F_Beauty, my heart hurts for you! We all have been or are there. I'm 70 and my 92yo wife is a sweetheart but a handful. Of course, that persona changes with every nap. I felt the same way, and others are right, it's depression. For me, I am with her 145ish hrs a week. The other 23ish hours I have another Caregiver to watch her. We have no other family near enough to help. All the so-called Friends we had won't even grace our door anymore. They just don't understand how to be around a person with Dementia. They're still human! Hope you are benefitting from therapy but I found just talking about it made me feel more like I was trapped. I can no longer do the things I love because of time, so I looked for another passion I DO HAVE TIME FOR! Is there something you've been WANTING to do or learn? Something that will reinvigorate your mind and bring excitement back to your life? 2 yrs ago, I started Line Dancing at the local Senior Ctr. We all need the exercise to burn off the stress. I LOATHE walking by myself. Line Dancing is my exercise 2x a week now, 1 hr classes. I now have people I chat with OTHER THAN CAREGIVING, real adult conversation. I enjoyed learning and started practicing in the garage whenever my wife takes a Nap. I now also teach and lead some of the dance routines. It has filled a void and given me a new purpose and eases the Caregiver stress. Try to find something NEW to engage in and the limited time you have will allow! My VERY BEST to you!

Your post actually opened my eyes to the fact that I'm having these same feelings. Even though my father has passed and my mother is in an AL facility, I have never been able to go back to just being a daughter. Once a caregiver, always a caregiver...it permeates the heart and I have this constant awareness, a helplessness, that just will not leave my soul. My husband has said that he can't figure me out anymore...sometimes, rarely, I'm up, then I'm just down for no visible reason. I'd rather stay home now than go out. I have no romantic interests and am unable to be intimate, even when I want to. I can't find my love for the hobbies I used to enjoy. I force myself to walk every day, but only because of our 2 dogs...bless them! I know from reading these posts, that I need to get control over myself. Crazy that the idea of depression hadn't dawned on me until now. As my mother says, we will all have many jewels in our crown someday! And, another cliché, today is the first day of the rest of my life...I'll start by taking it one day at a time.
Blessings to all of you on this journey, and thank you for the words of encouragement and understanding...

Yes definitely. I retired over a year ago and thought finally I can relax but no. My mom got sick and I ran her from one doc to the other until it turned out to be cancer. Not even two months later she passed. Meanwhile dad was having memory issues. I’ve been looking out for him with many doc appointments and home care assistance. My two sisters do nothing but complain and accuse me of not doing enough, stealing, lying, call me nasty names, and now saying I’m erasing mom from what is left of dad’s memory. Dad is in his home that he built but with the health care and other bills he will be out of money in less than a year and will need assisted living soon as his dementia is getting worse and I will need to sell the house but my sisters refuse to accept that and insist he stay in his house. At this point I need to get a lawyer involved and do what is needed for dad. I dream of the days where I can finally relax and do what I want before I’m too old to enjoy life again.

I’m experiencing this now, and have been for several years. I’m five years into being a caregiver for my mom who is bed-bound and 100% dependent.. The family and I do everything else. I have no motivation and make no time to do many things I used to love. I have a dog that takes a lot out of me (on top of the full-time duties of caregiving), but I find spending time with her helps my mind. I have no choice but to get up and care for her so it forces me to get moving and get outside with friends who also have dogs. Fresh air and those friends I otherwise wouldn’t see are a big part of staying sane. Without my dog I think I’d be more likely in bed and depressed on down time.

If I hear one more time "you have to take care of yourself" without a follow up of: "how can I help you do this?" I'm gonna scream!
This is not my first stint as a caregiver. First time was in a major city that had a lot of support systems in place. Now in a rural region and there's hardly any support systems here. I now use Zoom dementia caregiver support groups-it's the best option I've been able to come up with. I know I'm burnt out. Not to the point of harm. But, I so understand the comments here about isolation, not wanting to do anything other than vegetate for awhile. Not motivated to enjoy my hobbies. Yes, I'm aware that that's part of depression-trying to find a competent therapist to help with that here is about as hard as it gets-and I've been in therapy before. So I muddle through another day, knowing how badly dementia ends, wondering how awful it will be here.
Both times as a caregiver I had a motivating carrot on a string. This time I think about traveling and the first place I would like to visit when this is over.

I lost interest in life in general after my husband died. My job was drying up and all of the good employees were either fired, retired or pushed out and replaced by people who were about themselves. I knew I was being pushed out when they only wanted me in the office two days out of the week. Later on, I was on the hit list for losing my job.

I didn't know what to do since this all happened three months after the shut down during the pandemic. Some days I wouldn't get dressed at all and took to looking at YouTube all day barely eating. My health got worse, and I started having heart problems from all the stress I was under. My only beacons of light were my daughter, grandson and cats.

I'm still struggling and have made some awful choices in jobs. I'm back in the caregiving bs and it is horrible. I've lost my confidence in ever finding a full time job again that I liked because I am considered old by today's standards. They even have a site called jobs for old people. The jobs barely pay minimum wage. It's a painful realization when you are tossed out of a job you enjoyed for years and then you are left with nothing. My apartment needs to be cleaned and I feel guilty on most days. I manage to keep things picked up and put away, vacuum occasionally, but I'm no longer bursting with energy. I feel so worthless at times like a toy that no one wants anymore.

I’m going on year 11 taking care of 2 parents! My Dad is now in late stage dementia and my mother is barely mobile. Even though I eventually managed to get help , it took me 10 yrs to get some amount of freedom. First a half day, then a day, then two days, etc. In between, emergencies, hospital stays, falls, their Dr appts, etc. happen constantly disrupting what you think is going to be better. It took persistent time and energy and finding bits of money here and there to put a team in place and be able to back away from direct care which just happened this year! Even now I’m still having to do things for them that take 20-25 hrs/week. Just to get to where I am now has been a grueling, exhausting, oppressive torture. I don’t feel like doing anything. I have healthy habits and lots of interests but I get derailed a lot by care responsibilities even though I do less now. My husband has had the patience of a saint. He’s suffered too. We even lost our precious little dog in all this because he had an emergency one day the same day as my Dad. I’ll never get over that. I’ve grieved so many losses- financial, things we enjoyed like sailing, golfing, cycling, traveling, my health. I not only had a great full life that I worked my tush off for, but a professional practice, and property in another State with a house plan that we may never be able to build now. I haven’t been able to work since 2014. My siblings live in the same city as my parents and my husband and I are 70 miles away. I commuted, often getting stuck there for days on end- for years on end. We lost a decade of our life and are starting on the second. It’s true everyone says get out. Obviously we want out! But this is complex. Especially with 2 parents. I’m getting there. NO ONE knows how difficult it is to get out when parents didn’t have a long term care plan and you have to take care of all that for them. I’m more skilled then the average at doing these things and it took even ME a long time!
I also practice some of the things said here. I focus on the future, I write, I still exercise. I also start each day saying “thank you for this day… just give me time and health, I can do anything.., the only way out is through.., and I end each night trying to do what I’ve heard a physician say - “what went right today”. I know it’s temporary. All that said, it doesn’t change the exhaustion, sadness, worry about myself and my husband, resentment toward sibs who are vacationing and unaffected (who NEVER try to relieve us), anxiety over money, the feeling of being imprisoned, and the days when I want to run away to save myself. I hear you and feel you. Hang in there. Do whatever you can to get out in a way that you feel whole and at peace with what you did for your loved one. You’ll be ok leaving if you can manage that. I’m still working on it. 😘

I absolutely know what you mean and am going through it in the same way— biweekly therapy. That is helping but it mostly feels like I’m drowning and I can’t remember how to swim. I don’t want to do much of anything anymore. I do sing in a choir and I am substitute teaching in the school I retired from. Occasionally see a friend or two. That’s about it. It hurts a lot. Thanks you for your message and I feel your pain.

This has happened to me. I feel so exhausted when I do have time for self care I don't have the energy to do anything. I can't even get up the energy for a walk on the beach or have a massage, my favorite things.

I love to craft, sew, and cook. Since my husbands illness and now homecoming, I do not have time to sew. Well, I do have time after I put him to bed which is when I usually sewed. Now it seems I am so ready to call it quits for the day that I have not resumed the sewing. I have taken up things that I can do while sitting to recoup from the day.
I am now doing crafts like cross stitch and even a game on my phone,(just like the kids) I have also taken on an order for a sewing project to possibly get me back in the sewing mode because I will sew since it is for someone else instead of me.
You don't have give up of stop those things you love to do, You may just have to modify or rethink.

Yes, I have been my Moms caregiver for 2 years now and have lost all contact with my friends with the exception of 2 that I speak to on the phone every few months. Since being out and about is no longer a privilege I have found other things to do, like sell vintage things from around here online and painting on canvas. I have never been artistic but have found utube videos for beginners and mine actually look good. Nothing like the instructors painting but goo enough that my daughter has taken them all and hung them on the walls inner home. Baking is another new thing I have started. I watch a cooking or baking show and wow that looks tasty and rhe next thing you know I have ordered a kroger delivery and made it myself. I was right it does taste good. So I guess I am saying is find something in your environment that can keep you active.

Yes I am experiencing this and trying to get back to caring for me

P.S. I wrote all this and then realized that I do not know if you are talking about a personal caregiver relationship (a spouse?) or work as a caregiver outside of the home.
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Yeah ... like 99.9% of us.
I appreciate you[r awareness] sharing your feelings and how you have and are currently handling them in proactive ways - counseling, reaching out.

I would say that it will support you to reframe your thoughts 'the damage has already been done' to a positive affirmation. What you think and say IS an affirmation (of sorts).

How can you reframe it? possibly affirm

"I'm (actively working on) changing to be the healthiest person I can be."
"I am hopeful. Where there is a desire to be whole and healthy, there is hope."

I used to write 10 affirmations a day (decades ago)
I recall one was 'I got out of bed today and took a shower."
ANY POSITIVE movement is a reinforcement to feel better and continue to move in a positve direction. What this did for me: It stopped the automatic negative self-talk ... I started looking at myself / my day / my thoughts in positive ways. This changed my overall 'mood' and gave me (more) energy to keep going in ways that supported me / my well-being.

I understand therapy is for the well heeled. It is unfortunately a luxury that most of us can't afford - perhaps those who need it most. In any case, see if your health insurance company will help with mental health counseling (mine did although the issue/need was grief counseling).

Widen (?) your circle of support:
Church / meditation groups
Go on-line (ch out Rick Hanson-Wed nights Zoom meditation) I am in that group every week.
Check out Meet Up groups
Join groups / clubs / associations (I took a birding / bird watching class last month).
I used to prefer group therapy vs individual. Plus it is cheaper. I did better with the group feedback.

Realize you are NOT stuck. You may feel like you are moving through molasses and taking 5 steps back from the 4 you took ... although you are moving forward even if you take 5 steps forward and 4 steps back. That is ONE MAJOR STEP FORWARD. Growth feels like that. If you do affirmations or give yourself a 'pep talk' (often), you will start to feel /see that you are moving forward. And, if you don't . . . stay in present time: "I feel xxx right now" without the judgment. And then go do something you want to do anyway - regardless of how you feel.

Believe me I know. I, too, am stellar aware of setting boundaries and I, too, was exhausted due to responsibilities (unavoidable, based on what I took on for a friend-companion). The key is to find a balance along with rest, relaxation, meditation, and moving / exercise. Get that energy out. Swim, do yoga, or like me (at 72), I still slow jog. Go dancing. Anything to shift.

Be gentle with yourself.
Take small steps.
Journal / write.
Go out in nature and see the beauty - the wildlife - the colors - even the dirt (well, for me ... I get excited over the colors in rocks and sand). When you shift your attention, the rest of you will follow.

Do keep us apprised of how you are doing.
You are not alone. And you are in very good company.

Warmly, Gena / Touch Matters

its 1239 pm on a Saturday and I’m still in bed, so I get it! Husband is asleep cuz he is always asleep. Next big event is to get him up and changed without it being battle. And I feel paralyzed. Things to do and I would like to do NOTHING. Be alone. Sleep. Whatever. Isolated and alone yet not. He is here. My brother lives with us to provide help. My situation could be so much worse. And yet who am I anymore if not the wife who takes care of everything?

I can’t believe I’m reading this now
I’m in the EXACT SAME SITUATION
and it feels like it’s depleted who I am😞

Yes. He was in the hospital for a week and rehab for two weeks. I was just starting to be myself when he came back. Now I’m back in that old rut

I gave way to tears when I read your question. I feel this way too & do not recognize myself. Sadly, I do not even remember what I use to enjoy doing. Now I realize I am not alone feeling this way. Caregivers need so much support as it takes a toll mentally, emotionally, physically, financially etc.

I am “sandwiched” between raising my 12-year daughter & caregiver to my now 92-year mother. Plus I work a full time job. I feel like I’m taking care of two children. My husband helps with our daughter mostly. My life revolves around taking care of my mother, my child, full time job….. My employer was flexible to allow me to work from home 3-days.

My mother's caregiving came unexpectedly 2-years ago. She was an independent fiesty 90-year old, living alone & driving. Sadly heart event changed all our lives overnight. My mother has moved into our home to be cared for. Sadly my other sibling is retired, lives nearby & is NOT involved with our mother’s care. She “don’t want to do this & want to enjoy her retirement.” Thus, caregiving fell completely on me with support of my husband & daughter. It’s been an adjustment for all.

I’ve been so stressed with it all that I see a therapist/counselor weekly to help me cope. Now, I will start To vent to a stranger is helpful. My close girlfriends could not understand as they did not have that experience with their mothers. It became entertaining to them to hear as my mother is not nice at times to me. Slowly I drifted away from my friends as I felt not supported, encouraged, nor relatable. I’ve found the invites to get together are less due to “caring for my mom”.

I found through researching local & state senior care etc that I can get caregiver support. There is respite care through local & state agencies including support with an aide, help with errands for my mother, caregiver support etc.

Seek out the local Area Agency on Aging or Council on Aging. Seek out your State Department on Aging. Also look into Department of Social Services - Family and Social Services section for Adult Services or Seniors.

My “me-time” has turned into hair appointment & nails. I alternate weeks for these services so I get something done weekly. It’s my 1-2hours of “me-time”. Now I was not one for fancy nails. The lady saw how tired & down I always look. She asked can she give me a nail design to make me smile. For winter she did a snowman & snowflakes. Well, it made me smile. Even a conversation starter when in stores. It now turned into my happy time. Just a little something has made me smile. Now, I look forward to nail-time. ☺️. Also, long drives listening to music helps. It’s not something I use to do. It’s a new thing I do. So find your new something to do.

Yes I’ve had that experience. I think it’s a classic symptom of depression.

Yes absolutely.

Yes, definitely. I’m in the same boat with counseling - insurance is lacking when it comes to mental health.

I definitely have. It was months before I, who used to read a couple of books a week, had read no books for a long time. My knitting sits in a box on the floor. I want so badly to go places and see new things and feel so trapped and bored and at times angry. I would not have my husband cared for by anyone else but I feel very hopeless as he could live for a number of years yet. I have had counseling and tried support groups, which have helped me deal with aspects of caregiving, but they do not change our situation. I checked online and saw a stat that said 1 in 5 caregivers suffer from depression. Honestly I think that’s underreporting; how could anyone stay upbeat and happy in this situation? I have had several deep conversations with my doctor and I am exploring some mild antidepressant meds. I want to feel happy again and can’t by myself. Good luck, all.

I can definitely relate. I was caring for both mom and dad. I couldn’t get any help from family and I was overwhelmed. I had no life and couldn’t do any of the things I enjoyed prior to moving them into my home. Dad recently passed away. I have slightly more freedom to move around and resume activities now but now my interest has noticeably dwindled.
As uncomfortable as it may seem at first , it’s important to force yourself “back into life”. I had to learn to start slow with resuming maybe one or two familiar activities. My advice to you would be to force yourself to get out. Set boundaries to create balance so you too can enjoy life.

I couldn't agree more with all the answers. CG led me down a road to my own destruction. The stress took me to depression, apathy, and suicidality. I lost all hope for a normal life finding no joy in anything. I was literally on my knees when finally I made the decision to put my mom in care. It's been a couple of months now and I'm only starting to climb out of the hole I've been living in for years. If it hadn't for the support of my wife and my therapist I don't think I would have made it through.All I could do today was to not let hope become a memory and remember sometimes darkness can show you the light.

Yes, and my mom is not even in the final stages. My motivation, energy, and enthusiasm for writing and for life in general is gone...it really sucks. I am trying different ways to reach out to others and also engage in more self-care. I have already given up so much of my life and am close to the point where I cannot do it anymore. My siblings live close but don't help much, which makes it worse...I will not have any problem putting my mom in care when it's time, but I am scared my whole life by then will be disintigrated.

Watching my Dh become a sad, angry, depressed man in the course of a year as he helped his sibs to prop their mom up in her home so she could be 'independent'--has been awful.

She passed 2 weeks ago. DH has slept 5 of the days since, literally does not get out of bed at all. He has things to do, he's the executor and he's dragging his feet on that--but the worst part is that he takes all uncomfortable emotions and segues them into anger. Directed at me. So I can share his depression? Thank you, no.

Yesterday the stuff hit the fan. He was supposed to go help move the furniture out of the ALF apartment and mil's home. He was gone less than an hour, came back home and laid in his recliner for hours. I was going insane, knowing his sibs were doing all this work and he was nowhere to be found. I finally asked him if he was going to get up and accomplish something--and he just blew up at me. I don't cry easily, but I did shed a few tears. I left. Wrote him a note saying that I was simply going to get away from him, for his sake. I was gone all day long.

When I got home at 9 pm, he met me at the door "where have you been all day". I replied "places". And I did not want to talk to him or look at him.

Kind of shot myself in the foot, since I was angry and hurt and I couldn't sleep. So I read all night and finally fell asleep about 5 am.

He's still in bed and it's close on noon. Looks like today will be another 'day of sleep'.

I truly do not know if he is ever going to come back to being anything close to 'himself'. He does nothing but watch TV and scroll on his phone.

Desperately needs therapy and a different antidepressant. I am trying to be sensitive to his anger, sadness and pain--but we he simply shouts at me, he knows that will shut me down.

We all know that in a marriage, one person's emotions influence the others. I'm struggling to keep my head above water.

I know that he is going through a lot of emotion, this mother was not a nice person and not a nice mother. He took nothing from her house, except a brooch that he had given her 50 years ago. I'm trying to be patient, but it's been years of dealing with his mom and her demands. It's going to take time to heal him, if he ever does.

CG in the home, in this case, was absolutely the stupidest/worst idea these 'kids' had. All 3 of them are suffering. Maybe when the inheritance checks start rolling in they will feel better-I've heard that can happen.

Hi. In June '21 my brother was diagnosed with PD. He was already on a walker with balance issues. Doctors did not want him living alone.
I moved from OH to IL to care for him, as he has nobody else that will and/or can. I left two daughters and four grandkids there. The youngest are just 5&8.
My brother is now 74, I'm now 65. He is literally twice my size. I already had torn rotator cuff, then in Dec I tripped over his bed frame, broke my hip, had three screws put in, and was only in hospital about 24hrs. STILL doing everything for my brother. Then he was sitting in the wheelchair so he could work at desk. Couldn't get up. So...bad shoulder, bad hip to get him up. Now my knee is bad, too.
He will not get any help in. He pays me, but it doesn't make up for the job he was adamant I quit.
Laundry all too often. He wears pull ups, but uses condom catheters, which I have to put on and they have a tendency to come off.
I feel totally depressed, stressed, and wonder if I'll ever be able to move back home while I can still enjoy family.
Sorry this is so long.

Ray Bradbury, science fiction writer, said, "You must stay drunk on writing so that reality does not destroy you." We cannot surrender our imagination to the reality of dementia/brain trauma. Our budget is tight. I grit my teeth at the cost, and finally found a laundry service willing to pick up stuff soaked with urine. It has made a huge difference. (Feces are another matter.) Sometimes my husband is so scary. Still ambulatory, sorta, fights using a walker, bangs at my bedroom door at 3:00 a.m, turns on the light over and over and over yelling at me to get up. I keep a suitcase packed and have access to a window. I now bribe him with chocolate. If he is kind, he gets a chocolate bar next day. I forced myself to write a humorous piece about this reality. Yes, two glasses of wine, and wanting a third I self medicated in a negative way. He likes to fake falls. I can't get him up. I've called the fire department to help me. So many falls, I was accused of elder abuse and investigated for three months. He loves the attention of the medics. No money for assisted living. Yes, yes, yes, I am completely withdrawn socially. A retired English teacher, students used to look me up. So many friends. I make myself put on make-up. I dress up one day a week even if my prettiest dress gets poop on it. Nearly 80 years old, a sound mind, and living in a mad house, I may despair at times, but this will NOT destroy me. That man I care for, despite his recent attempts at abuse, despite his having a private life I never knew about, is a wretched human being. The love that motivates me is something beyond myself; I actually detest him. And I am not a victim. I feel toward him like some of the miserable wretches sleeping in the downtown streets. Every day I pray for the grace to prevail; to find something, even dark humor, in the human tragedy.

I noticed that caretaking is like a Greek tragedy that requires a full syringe of dark humor every once in awhile. With me, it's witty sarcasm. I couldn't live without it.