Has anyone else had trouble getting their parent's VA grave marker?

97YearOldMom, good advice, and to the point. Thanks for clarifying the issues; I learned a lot from your wisdom and insight.

The VA doesn’t provide a stone or marker for the spouse for a private cemetery. Look at your invoice. What you would have paid the cemetery for is the setting, mom’s marker and the granite slab. The veterans marker is provided by the VA. There is a special form that has to be filled out for the VA and faxed to them. Do you have a copy? The cemetery may have an alternate method but the same information that is on this form would be needed. When it’s safe in your area and they are open, visit your cemetery office and ask to go over the form they sent in. Ask that they contact the VA while you wait. Make sure it’s been actually shipped from the VA. You shouldn’t have to do all this but it will hopefully get you answers. You might be able to do this over the phone.
To the cemetery’s credit, it does seem that they have done their part regarding the granite and your mom’s marker. Here is the link to the site with phone numbers and form for ordering the stone and for follow up if the stone doesn’t show up.

https://www.va.gov/vaforms/va/pdf/VA40-1330.pdf

This paragraph is from a web page.

“If more than 60 days have passed since submitting your claim and the grave is still not marked, you should contact the cemetery, funeral home, or other party responsible for accepting delivery of the headstone, marker or medallion to see if they have received it. If they have not received it, you may call our Applicant Assistance Unit between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. (ET), Monday through Friday, at 1-800-697-6947.”

Here is the link this page is from.

https://www.cem.va.gov/hmm/
One last thought is if the stones or markers are coming from China, then that could be the hold up.

I'm beginning to wonder why it's taken so long as well.

Did some checking; VA offices in Virginia are:

https://www.benefits.va.gov/roanoke/

and other sites:

https://www.benefits.va.gov/Roanoke/other-va-facilities.asp

They may not want to become involved if the marker was ordered through the cemetery, but on the other hand, they may want to, especially since the cemetery folks don't seem to be able to offer any insight into the delay.

Did you make arrangements for a salute with military honors when your father was buried? If so, the VA would already have been involved, and may step in to help.

I would also ask the cemetery to provide me with a more realistic delivery time and gently explain that you're concerned and don't understand the delay. Perhaps there are some legitimate reasons. Perhaps they just need a bit of a prod.

Did you pay them? Charge or cash? I can't remember whether I paid for my sister's marker (with special designs taken from a photo) before or after.

If you're already paid them, I would gently at first, then more forcefully if they don't respond to a concern that they have the money but you don't have the finished marker. Maybe hinting at dissatisfaction and potential negative publicity will help them figure out why they can't understand the delay.

Better Business Bureau is an option if they still can't understand the delay.

I don't remember how long it took, but I do recall that the waiting time was longer for my sister's grave marker because I ordered specific designs based on a photo.

At this time, I would anticipate longer waits, but the increase in deaths has probably caused marker preparation to take much longer.

Did you order through the cemetery or through the VA, especially a local VA office that doesn't provide medical care but helps with handling various VA issues?