I am 22 years younger than my husband. Why is it so hard to talk to him?

Follow
Share

He is now 83 and I just want to know why is it so hard to talk to him. I talk and he doesn't even seem interested, he doesn't even look at my way. He just doesn't seem to even want to make an effort. Is it the "gap" in our ages? I tolerate it and most of the time, laugh it off and ignore it. But a woman needs conversation and security like a man needs sex and other things. Maybe I am not picking my battles wisely, but this is why I feel alone. It is like talking to the dogs. Sorry, just needed to vent.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
6

Answers

Show:
I did just that last night, and yes, he was thinking about himself. He concentrates on his breathing. He has COPD and emphysema. I asked if I could do anything and just told him none of my problems even compare to his. And sometimes he doesn't listen to me, because of his hard time breathing and lack of sleep. Thanks again.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

He probably has reached a point where he has very little in common with you. I am 60. Is there anyway to set him down face to face and say "I don't feel like you hear me." He may only be thinking of himself, right now.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I say he wouldn't be diagnosed with dementia, but, I think he is showing it already.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you so much jeanegibbs, your right on the nail and I appreciate your input! I really don't think he would be diagnosed with dementia right now. He seems ok, just these little things that come up. He naps alot and when he wakes up, I give him extra time before I tell him something, and even then I repeat it clearly. Yes, I do laugh it off and just do the best I can, he can't help it. Thanks again.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Good heavens, I am two weeks older than my significant other and he tends to ignore me when I talk, he claims he doesn't, he will even doze off and I am not even a chatter box.... I think it's just the old Mars vs Venus thing :P

I think as we get older our interest change.... he is a sports nuts, and I could care less about sports.... I am a political talking head, and talking politics with him is a trying event because he relies on hearsay and gossip for his *information*.

We do enjoy the same music... Frankie Vallie type stuff.... and we love the old black & white movies on Turner Classic Movies [he will drop sports for a really good movie]. And the cats, we can laugh and laugh over the crazy stuff they do.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I'm 19 years younger than my husband. We reached a point where he just didn't seem to be paying attention. I was hurt. I was angry. I was puzzled. Then he had other behaviors uncharacteristic of him, and, whaddya know, he had dementia!

After one series of tests the neurologist explained that his short-term memory problems were on the "intake" side. His damaged brain had trouble taking the information in -- it had trouble "attending" to the message. This test was a few years into the diagnosed dementia, but, holy cow, it sure made me view his lack of attention before the diagnosis in a different light!

I don't think it is just the age difference. At least other people I know in their 80s don't seem to have this lack of interest.

Obviously this one detail isn't enough to suspect dementia, but I suggest you be observant of any other changes in his behavior, and if there are some, get a thorough evaluation of his health. There is no point in taking him in if this is the only symptom. My husband passed an evaluation in May with flying colors and had a meltdown in June that lead to the dementia diagnosis. The earlier neurological exam did not catch the attention problem.

The other thing I would advice is not to take this too personally. Try to laugh it off a lot of the time. Sometimes make a point of removing all distractions, turning off the tv, sitting close to him, being sure you have his attention, and having a discussion that way. Keep it short. Whatever its cause, view it as a disability he has and that he can't help. It is certainly Not Your Fault. But it might not be his, either.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions