Is it hard to find male aids to come into the home?

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I am the full time caregiver for my husband who has AD. He is very social and enjoys talking to other guys. I am looking for time to run errands and he needs social interaction not just someone babysitting him. He does go to day care one or two days a week, but gets tired after three hours but won't rest there. Some agencies say most clients don't want male aides so they don't hire many.

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igloo572, no, but I do appreciate your trying to see it from another point of view. No, his cry was fearful and that simply would not do.

I think it's rather easy for us nowadays to not only accept, but embrace, those who are homosexual. I certainly don't have any qualms about that...but:

a. We need to take into consideration those we care for and THEIR thoughts/beliefs. In retrospect, I think it wigged my grandfather out. Back in his day, homosexuals could be arrested.

b. I've learned from that episode that I was perhaps a little too accepting. As in, I wanted to think that even though the care taker was homosexual, that he'd never harm my grandfather. What I have learned is that....black/white, heterosexual/homosexual...there are good and bad people in this world and I just have to be more mindful of that rather than be politically correct.
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My mom's NH has maybe 25% of their staff male. Almost all were former military medics - this mainly due to where mom is (central Texas) and all the military bases and medical centers in this area. If the local home health agencies don't have male CG's for you, maybe put up a Help Wanted at your local VFW hall (I'd bet that most of the guys going to hang out there are Gulf Wars vets so very much young enough to be a CG).

Hobbes - just a thought but what if instead of grandpa crying instead of being fearful of the gay CG, well that grandpa was actually crying as seeing his CG & his partner happy made grandpa deal with his own repressed homosexuality. Maybe decades upon decades of pa-pa's being closeted finally coming out.
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Greg12345, no harm meant to you. I'm sure there are many male care takers around. We found ourselves in a bind, so we hired the first man we could find sort of thing...well, not THAT bad, but it was not the ideal situation.

The care taker we hired happened to be gay. No great shakes here, but again it had more to do with my grandfather's psyche than my own. My grandfather never cried around me, but he cried when this male care taker came near him.

When the family is already strapped for cash, when they hire someone...they expect some relief. In my family's situation, it only made things worse. I took my grandfather to the doctor to make sure he wasn't raped (oh, what fun). My grandfather was the gentlest soul - do you have any idea how that was?

Thankfully, my grandfather was okay. Perhaps he got upset witnessing the caretaker's boyfriend (who came along to help sometimes) holding hands or kissing. I have no issue with that, but my grandfather witnessed something that clearly upset him. At the end of the day, I could say it's no big thing but then, why am I still haunted by it almost 20 years later?
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I am a guy and have been a caregiver for over ten years, and have never had a problem getting clients. Maybe call Public Authority and tell them what you are looking for.
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Lakegirl3 - you may or may not want to hear this. For a brief period, my grandfather was in the care of my mom (her dad). We SPECIFICALLY found a male caretaker to give him showers and deal with bodily hygiene. The problem - not to me, my sis, or my mom - was that the caretaker was gay.

My sister is bi - so I'm rather used to being around people from all walks of life. The caretaker's "persuasion" never mattered to me. Until it mattered to my grandfather.

Please understand, my grandfather came from a different generation where gay behavior was unaccepted. At the time, all I know is that whenever this caretaker came near my grandfather, my grandfather cried = totally unacceptable.

There were times (I was not around) when this caretaker would take him out - usually to the shore - which is what I did, so I thought nothing of it. It calmed him so my grandfather's episodes weren't so severe.

But to see my grandfather CRY whenever this, really a stranger, came near him - could not be tolerated. I took my grandfather to a doctor to make sure the caretaker hadn't done anything to him (do you really want me to say what?). Thankfully, he was fine. I think the caretaker and his boyfriend took my grandfather out (which was good) but my grandfather, coming from an age when homosexuality was not accepted) freaked out if he even saw them holding hands - much less kissing or anything. Anyway....it was a nightmare. I had never seen my grandfather cry before that.

So, it will be hard enough to find a man who will do those things - take a shower/wipe his butt, etc. You need to be very perceptive as to what your father is willing to accept. It may be easier for both you and your Dad to hire a female. I'm sorry. It's just the way it is. He grew up in a different time era where that was a no-no.

I may be projecting right now. I just don't want you to go through all that trouble to learn this for yourself. It doesn't matter what you or I think...it's what your Dad thinks and who or who is not allowed to clean his private parts.
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Dad insisted on male caregivers who cooked--an aide would have been fine but we didn't know what was ahead. He had them in California and Oregon. One through an agency. We were fortunate to get a wonderful man through the Mormon Church. And a friend recommended another. Knowing they're honest is of utmost importance. My post "Is a Male Caregiver or Companion Better for Older Men?" (http://helpparentsagewell.com/2010/06/22/aging-parents-men-boss-or-chief/) might be helpful.
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The two companies we used were Home Instead and Bayada Nurses What I did with each of them was to ask for males and explain why I thought my Dad would appreciate males better than females. He was getting agitated at times, and he just seemed to respond to males....and preferably older males, rather than real young males. They each had several and were able to accommodate almost 24/7 in Tucson.
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Hi Joannes,
Can you please give the contact details of the male caregiver. I think it will be helpful for us.
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In Tucson, we found male caregivers from two agencies who were very good with my Dad. He ended up with a private female CG in the end, but that worked out well because she enjoyed knitting and crocheting and so did my dad, so she knew how to befriend him, by asking to see his work and then asking him for advice on techniques etc. Best buddies after that! If your husband is a veteran, you might try the veterans groups for someone just to come visit with him on a volunteer basis too. Or call your council on aging or the AD association in your town to see if they have any male volunteers at either place.
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My dads first CG was male.. and they did fine. However, he quit the agency just as mom moved in from rehab.. and our current gal is working out fine.. maybe if they have some of the same intersts? Of course, after almost 2 years he still cant remember her from day to day.. it's always a new adventure for him!
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