Follow
Share

I am a caregiver to my mother and grandmother. I go above and beyond to make sure they are well taken care of - and I have even went as far as to put my own personal life with my husband on hold to spend my days/nights taking care of them at times. (Thankfully my husband is very understanding!) The issue I am having is that a family member who has caused nothing but health general life issues for both my mother and grandmother is continually contacting the Area Agency on Aging and falsely reporting abuse, neglect, fraud, and more. (For instance: saying that my grandmother gets locked in a tiny room, doesn't get fed much of the time, is left alone constantly, is not allowed visitors/phone calls, and is physically abused - to name a few!!). It is at least 1 time per month that these people come out to "investigate" the claims made. In the beginning I laughed at the thought that this person came thinking there was something very wrong happening and in the end, saw that my grandmother was a VERY happy/healthy woman and then immediately closed the case. However, now we are close to 10 "investigations" where my grandmother (who had 2 strokes and cannot speak well or even say her name when asked) is put through the ringer with nonsense questions. Being that she isn't able to answer, she gets upset and depressed that she can't get the words out to explain that this is NONSENSE! However, after that many visits - this agency is STILL harassing us because of that 1 family member who is constantly calling them. After so many "investigations" turning into a total joke and everything claimed to be false, I am now at the point that I am seeking advice and help to stop the harassment. If there were anything found to be wrong at any point/visit, I may understand the repetitive "game" they are playing with our lives - but there has NEVER once been anything wrong or true that was reported and I cannot understand why these people cannot see they are only hurting my family - not helping now after so much of it. Does anyone know what to do or who to contact regarding harassment and false accusations? I am aware of the option to contact a lawyer to help - but we cannot afford that right now and even so, I do not want to have to put my family through anything more than we already deal with from this nonsense. If anyone has had a similar experience of even knows of a place to contact about getting this stopped - I would greatly appreciate anything you can offer! If it matters, this is all taking place in Pennsylvania (not sure how laws differ regarding this type of thing according to each states laws). if you could please contact me to let me know (or hopefully I get a notification to return here if a response is left. Thank you all in advance....I am at the end of the rope on this situation and do not know where to turn for help.

Find Care & Housing
I am going through this with my former husband. I still live here since I am disabled. He told me I could. These people believed someone who had dementia and never asked me. Now it is wrong how they accused me of taking his money. I just wrote to a lawyer and the best thing is to get Legal Shield. For about $25.00 a month you could contact your attorney. The best to all of us.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Honeycake63
Report

Dear LoveMyFamily, I feel for you because I am experiencing the same thing with the care of my 74 year old mother, who suffers from dementia and other mental illnesses. Adult Protective Services in Arizona are harassers!! Power hungry agents who flaunt their power more than help the people in need. I first contacted APS because my incarcerated brother was exploiting my mother for thousands of dollars. APS did nothing at all. Now they are harassing me and invading my and my mothers privacy. Unfortunately we live in a world of government corruption and abuse. There is nothing a person without money can do, this is why this harassment by these agencies happens. Many states have free legal assistance for poor people. Although it is not always good assistance, it is legal assistance. Look around and try to get legal help. You may also have a cause to petition your local court for an injunction against harassment. Look into that. Although you are dipping into the pot of boiling oil, reach out to you local congressman. They "might" help. If not, don't vote for them next time they run for office. In the United States today, the citizens must grin and bear allot from our government, as they are protected by law enforcement, who are licensed to kill. The sick part of that is, we pay their salaries. Good Luck!! - David
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to HumanRights
Report

Acohen, you might want to start your own thread with your question.

Are you being harassed by APS?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

I would like to know same boat
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Acohen
Report

my elderly mother lives with me in a 55+ senior community..just moved in fully 3 weeks ago--APS drops by every week and a half to 2 weeks wanting to speak to my mother ..i sleep days as i have a sleep disorder..of course ,they wake me up every time they come by.she has told them quite sternly to stay away from our door,that she does NOT want to speak to them,that she considers it harrassment!!!she's totally exhausted after dealing with them and she's 91 years old..i fear a stroke or heart attack if they persist in bothering us like this..i told the APS worker that i have a live 24/7 webcam streaming the kitchen area and living room and entry way and that if ANYONE comes in they'll be live on the internet,both visually and audibally..she was taking pictures of my note on my door with her tablet when i first looked out the peep hole..i figure maybe she's going to use it as some kind of evidence..it states i'm asleep do not knock!! and it goes further to mention the live cam inside...my mother is thinking about contacting an attorney if this continues and i know it will!!!this stupid woman asked my mother for personal info like her doctor's name and if we had a phone..my mother won't give them this information and tells them it's none of their business!!she also told this woman that while she respects the job they do,it does not concern her!!! i'm 61 years old and will not tolerate ANYONE poking around my apartment..not government and not the management!! if i'm ever sitting inside my apartment and the door opens suddenly,do they really think i'm going to wait til they're fully inside to protect my property and myself,not to mention my own mom..these state nitwits are playing a dangerous game,as i do not like my privacy being in invaded and neither does my mother like HERS being intruded upon!!!if they ever enter my apt when we're not there due to the motion detection feature of my cam, i'll have stills and 10 second video that will upload to a server 'in the cloud' where i'll retrieve them from and press charges against the state as well as against the person that made the false report..APS cannot force me to turn my webcam off..neither can the management 'nor the complex owners..nothing in the lease about a tenant and webcams..and a live cam does not prevent management from doing their job at those times they really DO have to come in..which is very rare btw.the state is foolish to cause risk of heart attack and stroke and they do not have the right to force my mother to speak to them every week and a half.or at any time for that matter!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to robertray
Report

my mother and i live together and she told APS recently that she feels like their harrassing both her and i and she refused to let them in and speak to them..there's nothing APS CAN DO ABOUT THAT!!! her doctor claims they're putting her at risk of heart attack or stroke when they upset her..when my mother told them she feels harrased by them,the APS woman she was soory that she'd leave(which she did)and said she wouldn't be back again.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to robertray
Report

Sounds like you need a restraining order against your accuser. Who is POA for your g'mother and mother? If you are, you are not obliged to share the records with anyone else in the family. It might be wise to document what this person has done and is doing, and go on the offensive, rather than being defensive. Bullies will bully as long as they are allowed and this person is a bully. Often they will back down if you get assertive.Can you get a statement from your g/mother's doctor that this questioning her by your relative and by AAA is distressing/harmful to her? Can you talk to a worker at Social Services? What about Adult Protective Services? Another agency may more effective curb this activity of AAA. I agree that going to the highest up person at AAA is good. Bring documentation with you to show the whole picture, including that from g'mas doctor if he/she will take a stand about the harassment. It might be politically wise to see another agency first and get them on side, and share their point of view with AAA. Good luck and let us know how it goes,
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to golden23
Report

Order of protection
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to twocents
Report

I am having the same problem. My mom has been living with me for a year and a half and the Aging Agency is harassing me saying there was a call about neglect. That I leave my mom alone for an hour or two? Is this really neglect? First of all, I don't leave my mom alone. Three of us live here and between me and my daughters, someone is always home and Second of all, my mom is not on any kind of doctors orders that says she needs 24 hour care.

The case worker came to my house and was extremely rude to us. He calls me all the time and threatens to pop in on us at any time. I told him to go right ahead. He is such a jerk. I'm so upset I started procedures to put my mom in the county nursing home cause I can't deal with it. I hate to see my mom go into the nursing home but I don't want a neglect charge on my record. Even though there is no neglect.

I think my sister made the neglect call. She's a character.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to sunshine63
Report

Your state's or county's Aging agency is mandated by law to investigate ALL complaints of ALLEGED
elder abuse..no matter how frivoulous the complaint may seem to others.
So as for those promoting addressing harrrassment by that agency..it's like calling 911-they go out and have to investigate each and every complaint of elder abuse. Not saying you would neglect your loved ones-but sometimes it happens.
Just think of the outrage and liability if someone called and made alot of reports and nothing came of it but the next time, it was founded abuse and no one went out because nothing was found before...
You say you now the reporter. Confidentiality laws protect the reporter's identity.
As for the person who gave you advice about getting records -You cannot obtain protected records on the elder abuse investigation. They are not "open records"f to read.
And someone cannot be sued for calling in elder abuse.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to marieg
Report

Oh Okay, sorry - not trying to be rude - just didn't understand why someone was asking such questions (I guess after being questioned by these places it has changed the way I am able to "open up" and converse personally).
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to LoveMyFamily
Report

Casey1234 I am here...what good is it going to do for me to give my location in a state that's on the opposite end of the country from you - which I believe you said you are located in California? Personally, I think that everyone has given some great, helpful responses and I am going to be trying several of the things mentioned. But I am curious why it is so bothersome that I am not open to disclosing the county I am in?? It's a bit strange to have someone who doesn't know where I am from to want that information. As I said, I thank everyone for their responses....I did not sit next to the computer to check them one by one (which is why I did not get to respond - Casey1234). But I will definitely let you all know if I find anything out. I truly believe that this is some sort of loophole in the laws of elder-care as the AAA is doing what they are there for - investigating claims of abuse, neglect, etc...but ultimately it has gone far enough to turn into harassment and now I am starting to think there is no law that protects the innocent from this type of thing. I was advised by someone locally to try the cease & desist letter as well and from there have (yes it is a family member) the accuser prosecuted for any further contact and at that point they will no longer have any reason to be making accusations. However the issue I see with that is that this person will simply involve someone unfamiliar to the agency and have them make the false claims then. So I can't see this ending soon or easily - as it's a "game" for this person. I cannot understand how one can claim to care about a family member SO much - yet put them through this type of torture (my grandma ) as she feels terrible and gets depressed that she cannot answer properly even though she tries her hardest, it just doesn't come out like she wants it to because of her strokes. Again - I thank everyone for the responses...I am going to spend time over the weekend making a plan to begin taking action next week when I have a bit of time to do it all. I do not have a lot of "free-time" as you might imagine. I also wanted to say that the personal responses regarding others who are having or have had issues similar to mine are very much on my mind and in my heart! I do know that whether it is the person being cared for (which in my case is NOT) or a family member who has a grudge, it is one of the worst things to go through - being accused of something so terrible when you spend your time trying to make sure that the person is cared for 100%. I put my family before my own life and there is no reason we should be going through this. I do believe the state representative may be involved soon as I did email their office yesterday and asked for some sort of guidance. I just need to find out if there is a law to protect families and if not I will be sure to push until there is! This is a horrible thing for any person to deal with and I would not wish it upon anyone. I almost forgot to address the question about what I mean by harassment - I don't mean they are threatening to remove my grandmother from the home - I mean they are there monthly (or however often the person feels like calling in) and they have invaded our lives from financial to the absurd and nonstop questioning of my grandmother. They have checked medical records, bank statements, the home, questioned everyone and I have always been very open to them to let them see that there is nothing to hide! However I am now to the point where we have been through EVERY possible accusation there may be and now I am beginning to get upset that we are still going through this....if it weren't upsetting to my family I may not care so much - but I cannot stand by and allow my family to be degraded and tortured like this without having the ability to stand up for themselves. Again, thanks everyone! I will update as I learn if there are any laws/resolutions to this type of problem. (Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome - I just do not want to give my specific location out as that seems as though I am asking to be targeted for more problems. This is a broad issue that people everyone seem to be having issues with).
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to LoveMyFamily
Report

Jeanne's advice to contact the Area Agency on Aging is right on. I think the wording she suggested is the way to go - non-confrontational. The letter should be written to the Executive Director who is the employee who has the most authority at AAA and who may not even know what's going on in this particular situation. Be sure to let them know the exact remedy you expect and a deadline (two weeks) to hear back from him or her. If you do not hear back from the Director or you do not get the satisfaction you're entitled to, the next step is to contact the Board of Directors.

The office on aging is culpable here. Obviously they are not asking the complainant the right questions in order to determine whether there's actually a problem. You may just want to call their office and ask for their grievance procedure. If they have one, you'd want to follow that on up the chain of command.

Good luck to you - Iet us know how this situation plays out.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Carol72156
Report

LoveMyFamily, I have a lot of sympathy for you because I've endured a very similar situation. I've been the sole care giver for my 85 year old mother who suffers with dementia for 15 years. A few years ago a marshal delivered a court notice to my elderly mother that she was being sued by a bank for $27,000. I immediately went to a friend that happens to be an attorney to find out what this was all about. Well, it turned out that my scamming no good sister and her evil son had signed mothers name as a buyer on a SUV then they did not pay for it, so the bank was now suing mother. I confronted my sister about it and demanded she and her husband (Who happens to work as a corrections officer at a prison) pay the bill for the SUV they were using but was leaving mother to pay for. Of course they told me to stay out of it or they would get even. They ended up reporting me to Adult protective services with very similar lies that were told against you. If you pray to father God and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ this is where the part in the Bible that says that the Lord will cause your enemies to fall into their own traps really shines -The investigator for Adult protective services said I was doing a good job taking care of mom then she talked to the Attorney I had and took information and a copy of the lawsuit involving my evil sister and her son and what they had done to sign my mothers name to their SUV.

My advice would be to contact an Attorney and possibly the FBI. I think the FBI actually investigates abuse of government agencies for purposes of harassment.

God bless you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to RaineSage
Report

LoveMyFamily, what a hideous position you are in!

It sounds like it is your relative who is harrassing you. I think I would start by talking to the police department. There are laws against what that person is doing.

The protection agency is just doing its job, in a way. And maybe the files are closed after each incident, so the history isn't obvious. I'd write them a nice polite letter thanking them for the work they do protecting vulnerable adults and explaining your situation in concise detail. Ask them what you can do to avoid further wastes of their time and further distress to Gramma.

Depending on the outcome of these two steps, you may want to bring this up with your local state representative, and/or the local news media. It is a fine human interest story.

Good luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to jeannegibbs
Report

What is the agency harassing you for, specifically? Do they want to remove her?
It seems to me they need to give you a reason. When they come do they accept your situation and realize there is no problem?
I also would get an attorney and see if you can get a payment plan? I would also have attorney write a letter asserting that you will sue for liable and deframatiom of character. Start hasseling them back.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Here4her
Report

I honestly have to answer this from 2 perspectives.
The first: As my 92 yr old motherinlaw has deteriorated with her dementia, and after she was hospitalized twice, we hired a live in care giver for her. Since both of her son and daughter live 2- 3 hours away, we relieve the care giver 2- 3 times a month.

On my SIL 's weekend she would swear up and down her mother was getting wonderful care. As it turns out the SIL would demand her mother wait up for her to arrive as well as keep her mother awake until midnight even though her regular hour of sleep is 8pm, and even though she would be falling asleep in the chair. She says my mommy likes to spend all the time with me she can. My SIL would refuse to give my MIL her meals, medications ontime. She also would not adhere to the medical advice from the doctor for her mother. After breaking her hip my MIL's balance is poor so high heels are an issue of safety. After my SIL being told this she insists her mother can wear the heels. My SIL brings her married boyfriend on most of her weekends and they have their gin cocktails 2-3 of them. My MIL because of her dementia would never remember or recognize the poor treatment, and say why she had a wonderful time.

The other perspective is I am a medical professional and oversee my MIL's care because in the past my SIL has neglected needed care and used her financially. Taking care of an elderly person never mind 2 of them is hard enough without someone accusing you of mistreatment. If all your relatives hygeine needs are met, they are fed properly and on time, given their medications, are in a safe environment, are not taken advantage of, receive the necessary medical treatment , there is no cause for reporting to Office on Aging. It is important to keep good records.

If someone is making false allegations, first I would see if you are able to find out who is doing that. It does seem to be harassment and they are making false reports. There are laws against doing that. I would gather up all the information from the office on aging they allow you to have. If there were unfounded accusations, I'd have a lawyer send a letter to the person who made the complaint to cease and desist.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to norestforweary
Report

You need to see an attorney. This is not a matter of someone trying to see if an elderly person is cared for but is harassment, abuse, and even stalking to some degree. An attorney can lay out your options and someone who is doing this sort of thing knowing their accusations are false can be prosecuted for this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to anonymous119762
Report

I think it's great that there are agencies and people to look out for the best interest of the elderly (as many cannot express the issues themselves). However, when there is nothing wrong and they continually harass a family, I would think that there would/should be some sort of law to protect the family FROM this type of thing. Obviously showing that time and time again isn't enough to prove that this is not legitimate...I just don't know if there is a law to help someone in this situation or if there is a certain set of steps to take to have this put to an end within the legal system....I am just lost about it all. This is the most bothersome thing one can go through....not only is it COMPLETELY offensive to me as the caregiver, but to sit back and watch my 83 yr old grandmother get worked up after being questioned time after time - it sickens me! I am thinking of contacting the state representatives office possibly to see if there may be something I can do to help protect my family. There is a thick line between investigating something legitimate which leads to finding something wrong and investigating numerous times with never having anything wrong yet turning the helping hand into harassment and practically slapping one in the face! It's definitely one of the worst things a person in my position can go through....especially since I am practically helpless until I get someone on my side to help point out the harm these people are causing, rather than helping.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to LoveMyFamily
Report