How do I handle the terrible home care that my elderly loved one keeps getting?

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I have been through so many care givers that they finally ran out of people to send. I called and searched online and through Visiting Nurses and calling places.
I then called the Probate Attorney and her Primary Car doc and Geriatric Psychiatrist. They filled out paperwork for her to go to Assisted Living.
I found a wonderful place that is like a resort. The food is off a menu and she has her own private room, plus her long term care accepts this place.
My sister in Florida (who stole from her and does nothing) told her to contest this. She kept calling and calling and finally the Judge ordered mom to be returned home!
I was so angry I told the court that: We are getting robbed of a VCR, expensive flat wear, groceries are purchased then taken home on their days off. They watch TV all day, upstairs (I do walk ins to check) and are just lazy, inept workers that cannot cook or clean. She complains about everyone.
Now that she has been returned home, when she complains, I just say: "This is what you wanted".
Just this past week, groceries were ordered and on the shift change (it was reported to me) the person leaving walked out with some of the groceries ordered.
They are using the travel oxygen tank instead of the one plugged into the wall. Then when I go to a doctors appointment, the tank is empty! Today, I found that they connected her to a travel tank, that was EMPTY! Talk about negligent.
Why would a JUDGE disobey (2) doctors orders for Assisted Living under these circumstances? I cannot babysit these people anymore. It is too stressful.
She is now wearing ripped and dirty clothes and refuses to bath or even put on deodorant. How can I take her to any appointments when she is so "non-compliant"?
She was much better off where she was and I could go home knowing everything was taken care of and she was interacting at meals with others, playing bingo and had a call button around her neck so help was there in 2 minutes.
The Judge even stated: "This is the nicest assisted living place I have ever been, but Ms. Perry wants to go home, so it is so ordered."
COURT has not business interfering in her doctors orders. They wrote: "Ms. Perry can NO LONGER make decisions (health care and financial especially) on her own."
She needs medical staff to give her "meds" and "at home care" is not allowed to pass or pour meds.( it is illegal) I got them in a Monday-Sunday box, but she is so lost, she even messes this up. She just picks any row, and the staff just let her!
What would you do?

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It's horrible that she was moved from such a fine facility and back for you to handle. You sister is probably trying to save money for inheritance purposes, because assisted living is expensive. But so is 24/7 care! I'm amazed that it this went to court at all, but I suppose then the judge felt that if she wanted to go home she should. The judge should have considered the doctor's opinion. Did you have legal representation?
Anyway, that is done, so you need to move forward. It's hard to know what you should do after what you've already tried. You could try to go to court again, with more doctor's behind you. I'd suggest you get you own doctor behind you. This has got to be affecting YOUR health. Maybe then, a judge would consider that this isn't about one person's health, but two.
Good luck with this. Please let us know how this evolves,
Carol
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I have a Probate attorney, so yes, I had counsel. The Judge will just appoint an independent third party if I tell him my blood pressure is through the roof. She has Long term care insurance and they accepted the AL place she was in, so she got a reimbursement!
The Judge does not care that they all steal and they all do in some way. I have changed agencies and it does not matter. People are unqualified, unreliable, they cannot cook, complain about their pay, they do not give her oxygen if she battles them. I moved her because it was a safety issue and she cannot take her own meds.
Luckily, I hired her another attorney who "gets it". I am finally getting paid and backing off a lot!
I had (2) doctors reports. One was primary, one was geriatric psychiatrist...he did not even LOOK at their reports. I just do not understand why safety does not come first. The reports were required for the hearing to happen yet he just did what her mouth said.
You are right my sister does not want her to have good care...she does not want her to have ANY care.
She came up for a month when my mom had control of her checkbook. She paid my sister $10,000.00 for ONE MONTH of help! She did...Probate was informed so now she is legally cut off. Not another penny, not even $10.00 for her birthday. The only sensible thing he did...I think she should have paid back money as does my moms new attorney.
Thanks so much for the reply....I need to not get upset over things I cannot change. This is harder said than done....the human condition~
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Oh my goodness! Your sister must be something else. You're right some of these judges don't use common sense. I had that problem when I was trying to get help for my mother who is mentally ill. I was told the psych did not sign the papers saying she needed to stay for treatment so they could not keep her. Well the psych was not told when the hearing was. I had an appointed attorney and he was suppose to notify him. He didn't and didn't speak up and say he didn't during the hearing. Do you have another relative that could talk to your mom and maybe convince her going back to the AL is the right thing for her? Frankly your sister scares me.
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I suggest that you find a personal counselor to help you deal with all these issues. There are many relationship, losses, grief, and other history here that needs addressed for you to feel at peace with anything that happens now or in the future. Pick and choose your battles. Not everything has to be a '10' on the scale of importance. Having a spot on a shirt going to a Doctors appt cannot be on the same scale of reaction as mismanagement of medications. You will also have to set realistic expectations. I have been in charge of the most beautiful AL and a very old, not so pretty NH. BOTH offered wonderful care. I suggest that you pick the 5 most important triggers for you that when you visit your Mom you can feel good about the care. SHARE those with the caregivers so they know what you are looking for at each visit, don't assume they know. They most likely come from a very different background than you. I hope you and your sister can heal from this situation, and you take some time to listen to each other and realize that you both are trying to control something you can't and that is your Mom getting older and losing her.
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@Embrace...my sister does not want to have a relationship...I have tried and tried. She loves hanging onto her hate. She needs counseling and medication.
I have a therapist already...he told me NOT to do this conservator thing. He met with me and my mom a couple years ago which is where I found out how abused I really was as an infant- forever!
I am not bitching over her having a "spot on her shirt", I think care givers should not dress my mom in a shirt for a doctors appointment that is ripped in (10) YES, TEN places just because it is "familiar". She wears the same clothes everyday that are covered in food and coffee stains...perhaps doing some laundry is asking too much of them....ya think???
I HAVEsat down with each one of them, and gone over every detail. I wrote an outline for them to refer to. I made it so they can order groceries over the phone once a week and have them delivered the very next day. Medications are in a Monday- Sunday med box to make it as easy as possible and they just shove the box at her and she just grabs any square of pills. They need to point to the day and either AM or PM. I made it so easy....if they need depends, gloves, efferdent, call the pharmacy and they add it to the bill and deliver it for FREE.
They do not want to call in the groceries, they want ME to do it. Well "ME" is going away for (5) days, and it is their job to take care of ONE person.
Hell, I worked in a group home and took care of (9) retarded clients all on medications (2) in wheel chairs!!!
All they do is eat and watch THE PRICE IS RIGHT or soaps....I walk in my mom is all alone staring at the walls and the worker is upstairs lieing on the bed watching TV....your right, I am much too fussy????
My husband took the TV out of the upstairs bedroom because we are not paying them to watch TV and ignore her.
It is hard to "feel good" about anything when they are using terrible judgement and fighting amongst each other...one let the oxygen out of the travel tank to get back at another worker? This left me with no travel tank for her last appointment. It takes (2) hours to fill the tank off the main one, so there was no time to fill it that day.....I know you are trying to fix me and my sister, but she is the devil and she is just a jealous, greedy person who does not care about my mother, she just wants her to have NO CARE so when she dies there will be more money left for HER.
Everyone else sees this that read my post....I think you are not getting it yet, but thanks for your input anyway....I think....BTW: My sister lives in FLORIDA, so she is not part of the solution, she just picks on me through conference calls during the Probate hearings..she told the Judge that: "I am broke and need money"...so you side with my demented sister....no problem~
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