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She lives in an AL and is well cared for but is still lonely. She wants me to come over all the time and makes me feel guilty if I go to do something with someone else. I feel I should still do things with my family and friends and not feel guilty about it. I feel bad that she is the way she is but when I am with her it is all about her. Everything needs to be about her and she will whine about things until she gets what she wants. She is also very slow so to take her out to eat and go to Walmart is an all day event and that usually isn't enough for her. I have a family and a house to take care of too so if I spend too much time with her I feel guilty about not being home and neglecting other things I need to do. Feeling depressed and worn out.

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You aren't going to be able to re-teach your mom with dementia much in the way of curbing her comments about others or other weird things that are going to happen. Get some some of those cards " My mom has dementia. Please forgive her odd behaviors." And forgive her yourself. She has no filter. It is best to limit your visits and let her hang with the folks at AL.
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Maine Mom, get a copy of the monthly activities at the ALF. When she is bored, remind her there is bingo today or a sing along or a cooking activity. Redirect her attention. Our mom has bus trips twice a week, so we DON'T go on those days and then she participates. She wants to make you her total entertainment center, try to pull back.
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PRIORITY LIST FOR MAINEMOM:

1.) Yourself, your health, your emotional wellbeing
2.) Husband, family, health and well-being of your family
3.) Mom, in AL, she's being cared for, visit when you can. Supplement with phone calls.
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Thank you, I know you are right. Whenever I talk to her she is always complaining that no one comes to see her and she never gets to do anything, which is not true. Our relationship has changed. I get angry about her child like behaviors, and being demanding, whining, and so impatient. If we are out she will comment about how heavy someone is and I feel like I need to reprimand her on her bad manners. I usually just say that isn't very nice and then she will say"I can't say anything!" or I am picking on her.
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DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You are looking after your mother by monitoring her Assisted Living Facility. If you visit every day, she will never learn to interact with other residents. You have a right to live your life and go out with whomever you want to.

I am in the same position, and I only visit my mother two times a week. One is during my lunch hour, and one is on the weekend. That is it. I have finally let go of the self-induced guilt, and I am getting ready to retire. Visits will not increase just change to daytime visits during the week during the day. (My mother lived with me for 25 years after my father died. I deserve the right to continue on with my life at this point.)

Go and have fun, you are not doing anything wrong.
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