How do I handle siblings who not only do not help, but who are now having family functions and excluding me?

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I care for my elderly parents, my mother has end stage MS, and I moved back home to provide the 24 hour care my mother needs and to help my elderly father. My older sister lives two houses down, and works maximum three days a week from her home. My younger sister was fired three months ago and is receiving unemployment. They have come to help with my parents zero times, and in fact enjoy very active social lives. They have never offered to give me any break, they have been consistently absent when I have asked for help during times my mother has had crises (her catheter leaking and soaking through the bed, etc.). I have two nieces and a nephew and because they avoid coming over, I am isolated from them. They are now engaging in family functions like going out to lunch as a family and not even inviting me to join them. When I found out about their latest day of fun today which included lunch nearby that I could have come, I expressed my hurt at being excluded. This is at least the second time this has happened, and both times so far their first approach is to lie to my father who sees I was upset about missing seeing the kids, and tell him I was invited but that I refused to join them. I had all the texts and confronted them with the facts that they had not invited me, they got angry and reprimanded me for being upset and "making a big deal out of it." They almost seem to derive pleasure from knowingly hurting me. It is as if they are sociopathic in their total lack of any empathy not only for the unpleasant and difficult task I have every day, but also for how I would feel knowing they are literally abandoning any and all responsibility and concern for my parents' well-being, but also hurting me by excluding me from their fun activities. I am devastated that they don't even try to make their lies believable, that they seem to enjoy rubbing my nose in the exclusion, and now treat me literally as if I am no longer their sibling but instead as their way to justify doing nothing by dumping all on me. I don't know what to do, i used to have a very close relationship with them, especially the kids, and even my sister in law treats me like I am a stranger who has no relevance. Any advice?

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I agree with DHD123. If I did not have Christ I be much worse today. My brothers invite me, but with Dad, to whatever. However, they both think I have it made with free room and board. Think I should be paying for many things our Mother, which had a great mind, just a very weak body did not want me to be responsible for. I have taken care of Dad, with Dementia for 2 1/2 years after over 3 with both. I am having to stop my brothers taking advantage of me even though I don't want Dad to go to a memory care facility. I know I'll feel guilty, but enough is enough. I have saved the family more than 60K a year for 6 years and they show no appreciation. Sad. I pray they come to understand and I can continue to take care of Dad. I guess we all have siblings that surprise us. My Mom's sister told me that she expected this from one of the two brothers, but not the POA. He doesn't even try to learn what a caregiver goes through. Dad's Dr has volunteered to talk to him, but I don't think he'll talk with her. He just wants me to pay for being Dad's caregiver because I live in his house. I pray you will find peace and comfort.
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Same here. I would cry but I am out of tears as well as self esteem. I have been labeled the scapegoat and nothing I assert by way of boundaries will change it.
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Hi, Bummerb, Your family has set up a dynamic whilst excluding you. Like David with Goliath you must turn this dynamic around by making you and the loved ones for whom you are caring the ones they seek out. Stop asking to be a part of their events. Instead, make yourself and your loved ones the event they seek. Start inviting people who please you and support your worthy endeavors over for tea or for a sit. Start creating a nucleus of love and support around you and give up your family for now. There are many angels in the world who are supportive of the valuable work you are doing. Not your family members for now. Easier said than done, but you will be surprised at how then they seek you out and try to gain your favor. And if it doesn't happen that they start to come around then you will have ditched some very unworthy and terrible people who dare to call themselves your family without acting as such.
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By the way, the reaction was what you would expect. When you stand up to the bully, they retreat with their tail between their legs. Said sib in the future always checked beforehand about presence at my events and did specified grunt work as requested, up to but not including changing diapers.
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What I did to rub my sib's nose in their idiocy is that I started staging events to which they were not invited. If they showed up by pure chance -- one of them did once -- the sib lives fifteen minutes away so really no excuse for lack of involvement -- I rubbed his nose in his own sh%t in front of the company saying very nicely, "You were not invited. You will have to leave and come back another time. Also, let me know in the future when you are planning to come over because there will be times I just don't want you to be here." I also said a few other things, very bluntly to the sib, like the fact that said sib creates more stress so when said sib shows up sib should do a b and c to prove said worthiness (like clean scum from pots while I enjoy the company). You get the gist.
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This also happened in my case, DHD, be very careful about how you and sis view your mom's care by another sis. Their relationship and whether it is good for them or whether your sis shoyld be doing this is not your business. My sissies claimed to care about mom and me so would make the same sort of judgements. Mom had one on one care provided by me. Sissies felt guilty for not helping, so they relieved their guilt by coming up with reasons, however warped they were, to justify their unwillingness to help. What they thought about mom's and my mental health, was none of their business. I got tired of their criticism and judging me and told them to find a place for mom after providing care to her for four years! Mom was moved a year ago, the decline has been terrifying to hear about. Sissies will not tell me what is going on. They thought mom would adjust after a few weeks. HA!

Be grateful for the personal level of one on one care that your mother receives.
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No person will ever be able to fill your void, only Christ can do that. You cannot control others, and changing others is extremely difficult, if not impossible (certainly frustrating)---thus, trying to change others is not wise (educate others, yes--trying to change others, no).

My sister took it upon herself to care for our mother. She drives the rest of us crazy--we don't care to be around her or have her around us. It has nothing to do with whether or not she cares for our mother. And yes, my brothers and I are actively involved in helping our mother the best we can. I kind of feel as though my mother would be happier without our sister's care, but they depend on each other for companionship, which I am not sure is healthy for either. My sister and you sound a lot alike. Both rambling and complaining about their siblings.

The sooner you start trusting that God is in control of all circumstances (and you are not God), the sooner you will find peace, and hopefully start living a life that is thankful of all circumstances as we are called to be, have joy, and find happiness seeking YOUR own life interests (not dependent upon other people for happiness).
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Very often one finds this in families and we try and hide it, what good will come of it, eventually one will walk away as much as one does not wish to not because we do not care but because they do not. I have tried several times to speak from an I perspective only to be mocked and told I am imagining things............. indeed sad and emotional bullying that has continued for years, at the time of me trying to speak to my mother about the two brothers abuse, her answer was "you people have never got along" I told my mother at the time, but I have done all in my power to, and also been very good to their children, Mom agreed but said "just leave it" she appeared in not only my eyes but my fathers sisters to be afraid of my youngest brother and was controlled by him as well, very sad indeed and to this day they all controlling, and as said the sister in laws have joined in as has the brother in law, they have no reason to treat myself or my sons this way, besides the second eldest brother not one of them has tried to ever help us in anyway, they know how much I have struggled as I raised the kids alone from ages 2 and 4 into the men they are today, the youngest one is a special needs child, as said not all the siblings are abusive or have been but they exclude us and the eldest brother, this is a person who took care of their mother for years while trying to raise my own two sons alone, their father played no part and has remained an abuser right throughout sad situation, I always say I would have been better off with the punk rocker, who smoked and drank and has since change in habits than this false saint
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I have to carry on my story here as I only have so many characters, I eventually left the marriage and raised two small sons on my own in a strange town but we were happy, during that time suddenly the siblings decided that my mother needed care and I was the ideal person to take care of her. So she was brought down to my home and I was made to take care not only of her but also my sons at the time, I was excluded from every event from then on as my mother was unable to move around most of the time, I was never informed about anything, they made little or no effort with my mother, until they heard she was just about at deaths door, then suddenly they all reappeared, took her and put her in a hospital in another town, and when I asked if one of them could please help me with a ticket to get to see her, they performed and even told me find your own accomodation, and way to get up here, which I did, right to the end of her life, they continued the abuse and then the sister in laws and brother in law joined in, thee only one who is not abusive in anyway is the eldest brother who is treated exactly like myself excluded from everything, he has now distanced himself from them all, but I continue to try and make effort. They then took control of my mothers banking details before she died, and suddenly when it came to the time of her will been read myself and the eldest brother were told there was nothing much left in the will, here is a couple of hundred for you each, next thing we noted thee others going on big trips, I know we were cheated out of the will as I know what was left and in the will, my mothers medical costs were covered by her medical aid, of course my father had passed on years before that leaving big policies, and my mother basically contributed very little in the time she lived with me. To this day I am excluded as are my sons, we are now struggling financially but we pray that in time things will get better, its tough and only as one gets older does one realise just how much emotional bullying which is abuse has gone on, even in spite of the way I was treated I still make effort with my brothers but the two that abused the most basically for no reason ignore myself and my sons as do the sister in laws, its indeed a sad situation however i say you can hide what you do in front of others but you can never hide what you do in the eyes of God. I have one sister and one would think she would make effort with me, she makes none, if I come through to the city she lives and ask for a ride to see them all, they always busy, as said the eldest brother and the fourth eldest are about the nicest, the second eldest is kind he gives me R500 a month which helps but his wife for no good reason distane herself from me, if I attend family functions and try and fit in they make a point of excluding myself and my sons who were well raised, the eldest is studying for his informatics degree, they controlling telling me what to do, as recently my mothers sister became ill, they told me straight no person to get you at the airport sorry and she is in pain, we will see to her, they also have her banking details................... but this is the aunt that I make effort with, I call her each and everyday to see how she is, but I am told do not contact her or make effort to come here we will see to her even though she is in a hospital at this time and would go back to a frail care, so what are they seeing to actually, indeed a sad situation, my sister at family functions makes a point of putting me down to get a reaction from thee others, I just look at her as do my sons sad indeed
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Isn't it hurtful that the people we think should be the ones to help us don't and we are so lucky if non-relatives help fill the void

Besides me my mom's only visitors are our housekeeper and my dear friends - not my siblings, not my niece and nephew (in their 40s no kids) and not my cousins
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