How do I handle recent sexual obsession by my invalid husband?

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He had a traumatic brain injury in Feb. and the Dr. says this is normal. But it's causing serious problems. It's ALL he talks about trying to convince me to walk around naked and have sex (never mind he's too weak to really do so). I should be grateful for the extra attention, but it just seems like something else I have to do. He's never been that sexual; he's only 65 and I'm 60. He gets so angry and confused and lashes out when I (gently) say no. Oh, and it's been 15 years since he's been interested in sex.

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I was relieved to see this topic and discussion. For almost 2 years, my husband has been non-stop wanting sex. He is 80, I am 63. Since menopause, I must admit my libido has declined but the constant grabbing, inuendo and waking me several times during the night have completely turned me off. Since this initial behavior and his anger at my refusal, he then began accusing me of having online affairs, masturbating so as not to be bothered with him, and every man I speak to receives glares from him. Recently he has been diagnosed with dementia with delusional paranoia which explains much of his behavior. It does not make it any easier to deal with him. How can I be intimate with a man I no longer know most of the time? This man I am living with is not the man I fell in love with and married and I fear he will become violent at times. Just reading this comment thread and realizing there are others going through the same circumstances is somehow comforting. I am new to this site but feel like I will be back often. Thanks for sharing, ladies.
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well i dont. NEXT..
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ill be a problem when i age cause i not only would bone a snake but actually HAVE !! the snake faked a climax.. she must have thought i cared either way..
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I think this post is kinda old but I just found out from research that Requip-( my Mom takes it for Restless Leg Syndrome) can cause sexual addictions! Thank goodness my Mom doesn't have this -well, as far as I know, but I am wondering if this could be another cause of sexual aggression for some of our seniors. Just a thought.
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As an only daughter,youngest child, and an LPN, guess who got the job of taking care of my pop? yup me.
you have to take it all with a grain of salt and a ton of tolerance. and physician prescribed Risperdal:) jus' sayin':)
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Thank you for providing this interesting and useful information. Nowadays men have many sexual issues. Most health care plan doesn't consist of recovery for lovemaking generic medicines. When it comes to sexual issues people just consumes generic drugs like generic levitra.
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Working in a nursing home can be SUPER stressful. I LOVED it when we found something to bring a little joy/humor into our days!! It is better to laugh and enjoy the moments than to get so stressed that you just can't cope at all anymore! I have seen the ones who "can't laugh" and the outcome at be ugly. Nursing home abuses do happen, and laughing AT someone is not good... but to laugh behind closed doors away from the residents is PERFECTLY fine and healthy. Just saying.
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Thank You Jeannegibbs well said, I have a spouse with agent orange-medical problems and dementia.I can not remember the last time we had sex or even kissed,he tired viagra at the beginning years back but did not work.Even if he could have sex I feel like you,we are not mentally equal partners and he is a stranger. A stranger had taken over my spouses mind and body,this stranger says and does things my spouse would have never done. I am 54 and he is 63, we have been married 39 yrs. I think he is going through another stage of dementia because he is unwilling to take his daily baths ,refusing to shave and refusing hair cuts. I pray that I can handle being his caregiver as he advances with the dementia.
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alwayslearning, it was an "oh boy, would be great, but not happening" kind of laugh. After reading your great link I understand why. I apologize jycaregiver that I didn't do a better job describing the laugh. Even though I was quite earnest, their laughter was not unkind, or at his or my expense.

I am glad that so many have addressed this subject today with a range of viewpoints. I wish I had found this website earlier. Husband and wife sexuality issues are tricky subjects. The more who feel free to share their thoughts, the better for everyone.

They did adjust and change my FIL's meds to work to find a balance that gave the staff some relief from his anger. He and MIL were in a small SNF with an average of 40 patients. MIL is still there. All of the staff knows and works with all the residents. My FIL did become physically violent, twice, that we know of, with the staff. I used to worry that he would wear out his welcome and we would wake up to find him dropped off on our back patio one morning. And I wouldn't have blamed them.

The persistent sexual pestering was really distressing to me, on visits I always kept my husband between us. On visits without my husband, I stayed as far away as I could. I feel a little guilty and naive, that I was bothered so much by it, that link would have helped me cope better. Knowledge is empowering.

FIL was put under hospice care due to an inoperable condition that was terminal in June. He did have one of those moments that seems miraculous - you hear about it, but don't really expect it to happen. A few days before he passed he was awake and his non-demented prior self for about 45 minutes. My husband, MIL and I were there. He told MIL how much he loved her and asked my husband what was wrong with him, he really wanted to know, he seemed perfectly lucid. Word spread through the nursing home and all the present staff came in to see him, the food service crew, everyone - it was the most touching thing, I cry when I think about it. He thanked all of them one by one, he was so very grateful and kept telling my husband "these are good people, these are good people". He had always treated them so terribly in his dementia.

The way the staff all showed up in his room to meet him and say goodbye at the same time, it was an emotionally powerful 45 minutes. I realized then that the work they do is quite inspirational and rewarding for them on an amazing plane.

Back to DevotedWife's question, please, anyone who is thinking about posting but is shy, please help someone by sharing your experience on this very delicate personal subject.

The sexual harassment felt brutal for me, but was nothing compared to the heartbreak jeannegibbs described.
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I'm sorry, but a woman of any age who is suddenly living with a stranger, a man whose behavior is childish, a man who has aged dramatically because of an injury or chronic condition, a man who cannot perform sexually but wants to, a man who perhaps doesn't even recognize her half the time, doesn't need to get medical advice to make her hornier.

We are not speaking here simply of equal partners whose libido levels are somewhat mismatched. We are talking about a situation where one partner has had a head injury or dementia, where there is no longer an equal partnership, and where the nature of the relationship has significantly changed.

If you haven't walked down this heartbreaking path, please reserve your judgment of those of us who have.
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