The CoOp is owned under her name. To simplify selling the apt and splitting the proceeds, should the ownership of the apartment be changed now and if so, how she it be owned?

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Lanisro You are so great to be able to straighten everything out and to realize drastic measures had to be taken and now her remaining years will be joyfilled-you are right none of us are promised a tomarrow-I hope you keep in touch on this site and let us know how things are going -your Mother is blessed byond measure for what you have done by steping up to the ocassion and I hope you have children of your own who appreciate the extent you went to for your Mom-and if there is a caregiver's support near you I hope you can join -you would be great for any group-may God bless you-and he does know what you have done for your mother.
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As to ownership, everything my mom owns is in the name of the Trust. The grant deed of her home and her bank accounts. The grant deed of her home was actually given to the Trust uin the courts. So too her new home. I'd really get the Co Op in the name of a Living Revokable Trust that can manage and hold the assests and pass what is needed without probate and taxes. Her new home shows title in her namer and mine as co trustees but it belongs to her Living Trust and will be broken down that way after her death and to the discretion of the Trustee that takes over. Mom has Flow into Will that flows into the Trust upon her death and I was appointed Co trustee. Surviving dependents may be given a portion of the Co Op by grant deed or after sale.
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I was in a similar problem when Mom couldbnt live alone at 400 miles away - her daily calls from me werent enough, her friends were becoming concerned, and finally, her doctor was prescribing she go in a psychiatric hospital due to her dire need for regulated medicine and her lack of vitality for every day life. She was clinically depressed and goin g down every day.

She wasnt taking care of herself right. Mom had a Living Trust written up years ago ( anyone can do this with an attorney for 500.00 - 750.00 ) when my dad died. My brother was to be the Trustee when Mom died and she had already asked me to sign onto her bank accounts six years ago in case of emergency etc. There never was an emrgency so I went on about my days and years, until last Christmas, 2010 and January 2011 when my calls to her home each day told me Mom was not okay....she was so sad.......needing some extra help. Mom was repeating herself and had forgotten feeding her dog or was feeding her dog once then again and then again.....forgetting she had.....her bank statements were becoming confusing, Chase had opened two checking two savings from her lump sum and she couldnt she couldnt balance them and had become irritated with so many banks and all the accounts. I flew down, got her to her doctors and psychologist who shes seen for several years. We got her medications into a seven day pill box and changed her banks so she wouldnt have three banks and so many accounts and I was sure to add me onto the signature cards in case...... My brother died many years ago so her Trust bneeded updating. I called her Trust attorney out and we all sat at the table and made some changes that fit her wants. I flew back home and four days later answered the phone to a friend saying all Moms pills were gone, nothing in any of the day by day pill boxes. She had become desopondent, suicidal in talk at least and I requested three weeks off my high school position to stay with her. Mom could tell me what she wanted and what she didnt want, but she had lost her vitality fior life being alone in the house for 26 years. Dad died in 1985, my sister in 1992 ansd my brother in 2004. My remaining sister is in a Board and Care home and can be at times quite a pill, a high maintainence sister, mentally disabled. Mom was alone. All her friends were gone, passed. She sat alone without activities for two years --- her home had become a prison, and part of her died too. I knew she had lost her cat and her last two very dear friends. I didnt know the damage she would embrace being isolated and alone those last two years. At 86 she didnt have the interest to make new friends and she never complained. She has no trouble recalling the past or what she loved or wants, and can do so for hours but she was losing short term memory so medicine and her appointments became a problem. She said she wanted to get her empty house off her back. She felt worthless. We ioffered to get her day help and that was a NO, then we offered to moe in with her, and That was a big NO. Right now, Mom is living with us. She sold her home and we are seeing it through. We bought a home closer to her old area so her neighbors and her last acquataines could stay in her life. I am retiring in June and my husband retired a few months early so she wouldnt be alone here in our home. We drove the 400 miles to bring back her Golen Labrador, Hailey whos been the life blood in Moms veins. It has its ups and downs but I feel I am lucky,. She is not agressive or angry just asks the same questions now, and forgets things. We can protect her and will have a new home to move into in exchange. If someone had said I would be moving to a home for her a year agao I would have sent them off with a sympathy card. But its really true now. We are all excited, Mom especially knowing we are going back to her old area and into a new picture in a home she picked. She still needs to be updated time to time, and her activities are numbered, but she is safe and happy with people who love her. We go over the plans again and again. She cries with joy to know she is so loved. We have hired private day care help while I am finishing my teaching at the local high school and Mark, my husband has the walkthrough at the new place that closed escrow yesterday. I know its expensive but shes safe. I hear lots of horror stories about caring for disgruntled parents and now I see why its a night mare for those whio are too busy or whom dont cope well repeating stories or fixing three meals a day 24/7.

The real line at the bottom of life's contract when we take the job of being a care giver ffor someone in our family. It says we will care for our loved ones. Sometimes that might mean a nursing home. If your parent hasnt a clue where they are, doesnt recognize your face and is incontnent, or falls, you need to get nursing help because your actions speak louder than any words you may be saying. You cant do that if you feel afriad, resentful or disinterested. Im lucky. I sat with Mom and reviewed her Trust and the notion that my brother passed and I needed to be in his place. It got to the point that she could hardly sign her name she shakes so violently. So now, I am her Co Trustee and we had it notarized. Not a day too soon. Like her accounts I can act for her and do whats needed. When we found the home to move her back to, I was able to write up the offer then we both signed final papers for it. I pray each day she will be as good tomorrow as she was yesterday. I also know its not likely. Theres no marker drawn into the sands of time so wecan plan ourt week or month. We only have a few minutes. We dont know how long we have ourselves let alone those we love or care for. We dont know at all, how much we should take on. No one can pull out the manual. Let your heart and head meet in the middle. Get a Trust going so the assets dont go to Obama and you can follow her wishes to the letter, and if needed go on as Co Trustee.
Other than that, hold her/ his hand. It was the hand that first touched you when you entered the world. Its the last hand he/ she should touch as she / he passes.
How that happens or whether its in your home or a nursing home depends on where you signed on and whether or not she/ he knows who you are and how much help is needed. Good luck!
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I would highly recommend reading many of the posts on this site about helping elders make sure that they will have enough funds for their care.
Does your Mom have enough money, savings, investments to ensure she will be taken care of for the rest of her life? If so, she can do as she pleases with this property.
If you think that she may need Medicaid nursing home assistance in the future, there is currently a 5 year "look back" period for most any financial transactions your Mom might make (I think the exception is some life ins. policies).
If she really wants to sell, I would put the proceeds into an interest bearing account and keep them for her care. When she passes, the remainder will be divided up according to her will.
What should not happen is survivors divying up the funds while Mom is still alive. She may need everything she owns in order to take care of her medical needs. Also, I would highly recommend speaking with an elder attorney who deals with Medicaid qualification. He/she can direct you so you do not make any financial mistakes.
good luck.
PS: has she created financial and medical Powers of Attorney?
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